Crushed
by Saramari
Summary: She suddenly found herself running and wasn't able to stop until the darkened sky opened above her and she was standing in the ambulance bay. It was snowing.
1. Prologue

Rachel, thank you so much for your endless patience with me and the effort you put into beta-ing this! :-))

**Prologue**

Olivia silently stood over the autopsy table, her body rigid, her fists clenched so tightly that her fingernails were digging into her palms. She welcomed the pain, it helped her stay focused. She heard Melinda's voice; the coroner was telling her about her findings, but she felt her words go right through her. Her eyes were glued to the small form in front of her; the baby had been a little girl. Despite the fact that she was a preemie she looked perfect, ten tiny little fingers, ten tiny little toes, nothing was missing. Only she was dead. Life was cruel sometimes, and in their line of work more often than not.

She felt a hand on her arm and jumped a little as she snapped out of her reverie. "Hmm?" She looked into Melinda's warm brown eyes, finding nothing but understanding and sympathy there. Not for the first time she asked herself how the coroner did it, how she faced the truths of her profession every day. She'd gotten to know her quite well over the years and she would call Melinda one of her few friends. She was a kind and gentle woman with a smart mind who possessed a great sense of humor. Melinda induced automatic trust when you met her, something that would have helped her to be a wonderful physician. Olivia suddenly wondered how it was that she had never asked her why she had chosen to become a pathologist instead.

Melinda removed her hand from the detective's arm to cover the small body on her table with a sheet.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Olivia asked, having finally regained her voice. It sounded brittle and shaky.

"It wasn't important for the most part," Melinda replied softly and proceeded to recount the one fact that actually mattered. "The only thing that's relevant for your case is that the DNA matched up with the samples CSU collected. I think it's safe to say that he was the father."

Olivia nodded in response, still unable to direct her attention away from the now covered body. She thought about the life that could have been born had the circumstances been better. Now nobody would ever know the light that hid behind the little girl's eyes, nobody would ever hear her coo, or laugh, or cry. This baby would stay silent forever and there was just something so fundamentally wrong about that, Olivia felt like she'd been punched in the stomach as that realization hit her.

"Come on," Melinda said as she reached for Olivia's arm once more and tried to turn her away. "Let's get back to my office; I have the report ready for you."

Olivia didn't move an inch; she felt the warmth from Melinda's hand, but it didn't reach her heart. Everything inside her screamed that she couldn't just leave, that it wasn't right that she could walk out of here when the baby had to stay behind. "We can't just leave her here, she'll be all alone," she whispered more to herself than for anyone else to hear. It certainly wasn't the first time she'd ever felt the need to protect a lifeless child, but this time it was just so much harder to let go. The normally tight reign she had on her raging emotions whenever an innocent life had been taken was slipping through her hands. She could feel herself breaking over this baby's death.

"You can't help her here, Olivia," Melinda said gently, "She needs you to go and get justice for her death. Find the bastard responsible for this!"

"That won't bring her back," Olivia scoffed in a hoarse voice, shaking her head as she realized that Melinda was not the right person to be angry at. "I'm sorry," she apologized, looking at her friend with an anguished expression. Her eyes burned with the unshed tears that brimmed there and she suddenly felt dizzy and had to grip the edge of the autopsy table to steady herself. She closed her eyes for a long moment, took a deep breath and tried to find her way back to her usual calm and controlled self. This wasn't like her, she hardly ever allowed people to see her vulnerable side and even though Melinda was a friend it made her uncomfortable to find herself unable to hide her emotional turmoil.

She felt Melinda's eyes on her face, felt her friend's silent helplessness that was mingled with the wish to offer some form of comfort. But there was nothing she could do, nothing she could say that would make this baby's death less cruel and futile. This case had crushed Olivia's heart and she wasn't sure if she could muster the strength to pick up the pieces and attempt to put them back together.


	2. Chapter 1

_AN: This is the first installment in what could become a series of fics that follow Elliot and Olivia's slowly developing relationship while they work on different SVU cases. It is slightly AU, mostly concerning character age. For the sake of the story, Olivia and Elliot are both in their mid-thirties, Maureen is 15, Katie 13 and the twins are 10. Elliot and Kathy never got back together after the divorce (which means there is no Eli), but are on friendly terms. Also Katie has not (yet) been diagnosed with bipolar disease, due to her younger age. Kathy got custody of all four kids; Elliot sees them occasionally on the weekends and during the holidays. Calvin does not factor into this story, but might come up later in the series. Alex never left for Africa and the precinct is still at the old building with the upstairs lobby. But other than that, pretty much everything till late season 12 is a given. Despite the way it might sound right now, the main focus is on Olivia and Elliot at work, this is not strictly a romance and family life story._

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><p><strong>Crushed<strong>

It was just after two in the morning on a cold night in January. The precinct was nearly deserted as Elliot watched Cragen enter the squad room from his office holding a pink slip of paper in his hand and looking around. He groaned inwardly, this could only mean one thing.

Fin and Munch were out of the office, extraditing a prisoner from Alaska of all places. Cragen insisted on sending the two detectives instead of letting uniforms take care of the high profile pedophile.

That left him and Olivia back here, swamped more than ever. They'd not seen their respective apartments in three days, hadn't managed to grab more than five combined hours in the cribs between each other, and were running on caffeine and adrenaline only.

"Where's your partner?" Cragen inquired gruffly. He was in a bad mood, never a good sign.

"She just went upstairs, trying to catch up on some sleep," Elliot answered, already not liking where this was going. Olivia had nearly passed out on her desk earlier, she always worked herself too hard and it had taken him more than an hour to coax her into lying down.

"I'm sorry, but you have to wake her. Vic's at Mercy, I need you two to go, now." Cragen started to turn around and walk away, but was stopped by Elliot's grunt.

"Cap..." Elliot paused briefly when he caught the irritated stare Cragen directed his way, but it didn't stop his protest entirely. "I can take that one by myself."

"I said go wake your partner, so that's what you're going to do!" Cragen bellowed, now clearly livid. His fuse was uncharacteristically short these days. The extra workload was taking a toll on him too.

"She hasn't really slept in days. Unless you want her drop in the middle of interviewing that victim, I'm going to take the case for now and let her grab at least a couple of hours." Elliot rose from his desk, getting a little closer to his Captain's face than appropriate. He felt a strong surge of protectiveness towards his partner and he was determined not to allow himself to be bullied into obeying this order for her sake.

Cragen closed his eyes for a moment, silently praying for strength and patience.

When he opened them again, Elliot was surprised to see nothing but defeat and exhaustion. He took a step back, getting out of the man's face. Apparently he was going to be served with a reason that would make him cave.

"After all these years you should know that I'm not in the habit of risking my officer's wellbeing unless it can't be helped," Cragen began, his voice reflecting the same defeated impression Elliot had gotten off him just seconds earlier. "Your victim is 9 years old, has been raped and abused repeatedly for God knows how long. She's currently at Mercy Gen and every time a man, be that paramedic, doctor or male nurse, gets close to her it sends her into hysteria. She hides under her bed or in the closet, petrified, shaking, scared to death. She won't let anyone touch her. So far they have not been able to treat her, because short of shooting her down with a tranquilizer gun there is not much they can do right now. So yes, I'm asking you to go wake your partner. Because frankly, I don't think you're going to have any more luck with her than the hospital staff who already tried."

Cragen was staring him down now and doing a damn good job of it. The two men silently faced off for another moment, until Elliot swallowed hard, already sensing that this was going to be another one of the really bad cases. Wordlessly he turned around and dragged himself upstairs.

*-*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*-*

He opened the door to the cribs silently; it was dark inside the room with all the blinds closed. He didn't turn on the lights, but waited for his eyes to adjust instead. He held a bottle of water and some Aspirin in his hand; she would need it if he woke her now. Quietly he moved over to the only occupied cot all the way in the back and sat down next to the sleeping form of his partner. She was curled up on her side with a hand under her pillow and a strand of her brunette hair had slipped across her forehead. He gave a small sigh, really hating what he had to do. She looked so peaceful, but even in her sleep he could tell she was beyond exhausted. Dark circles under her eyes spoke of days without real rest. He reached out to brush the wayward strand of hair from her face, but changed direction mid-movement and placed it on her shoulder instead. His touch was gentle and she didn't react to it.

"Liv," he whispered as he squeezed her shoulder lightly. "Come on Liv, I need you to wake up."

She started stirring, but only buried her face deeper into the pillow with a small groan before she relaxed again. Her breathing evened out; she was clearly still fast asleep. God, how he hated doing this to her. He squeezed her shoulder again and then let his hand wander across her back, rubbing large circles on it.

"Liv, wake up", he repeated, "I know it's not fair, but we caught another case." Another groan from her was the only sign he was having any effect on her at all. He kept rubbing her back lightly. "Come on." He tried coaxing her from her sleep again and he could tell she was starting to become more aware of him by the way her breathing changed to a faster rhythm.

"What time is it?" she mumbled into the lumpy pillow after a while.

"Ten past two," he answered. His hand now stopped moving, but he kept it on her back. She'd not even been here for fifteen minutes. The next sound coming from her was almost a sob.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, apologizing yet again. "I would have gone by myself, but it seems ovaries are a requirement for this one."

She finally turned her head towards him and brushed the hair away from her face herself. Even in the darkness he could see that her eyes were now open and looked tired.

"You look like hell," he said with a small smile playing around his lips. He'd give her another minute to get over the daze of sleep deprivation before he'd fill her in on all the gruesome details of the case.

"Stop with the sweet talk," she whispered back, squeezing her eyes shut for a few more seconds. With a deep breath she opened them again and shifted to a sitting position next him. She rubbed a hand across her forehead in an effort to dispel the headache and then started looking for her shoes when Elliot held out the water and painkiller to her. She took both of it gratefully. "You're a mind reader," she said and flushed the Aspirin down with a large gulp of water. "And a life saver," she added.

"Glad to help," Elliot replied, as he dropped her shoes in front of her and helped her up after she'd put them on. She wobbled a little and he reached out with his other hand as well to steady her.

"I'm good, Elliot." She reassured him with a small smile. The dizziness of getting up too quickly had passed and she started walking to the door with him close behind.

Five minutes and a stop at the bathroom later found them ready to go.

Cragen watched their retreating backs from the window of his office. He too had a feeling that this case wouldn't be a straight open and shut. More sleepless nights laid ahead for his two detectives.

Olivia still didn't feel even half-awake and leaned heavily against the elevator wall on the way down while Elliot shot her worried glances.

"Stop staring at me, El. I promise not to pass out on you. The Aspirin just hasn't kicked in yet," she said, rubbing her forehead again. The headache was skull-bending; it had been bad before, but getting dragged back out of bed right after falling asleep had definitely added another notch.

"I'm really sorry," Elliot started again.

She wished he would just stop apologizing; this was not his fault. "I was set on going down to Mercy by myself, when Cragen told me the details. Well, whatever details we know so far," he said.

"Which are?" she asked, her eyes closed against the intense light in the elevator. Why couldn't they be in the car already - the dark and reasonably comfortable car with seats; to sit down on? It really took all her willpower not to let herself glide down the elevator wall into a crouch.

"The victim is a 9 year old girl, who has been raped and abused over a long period of time. They haven't been able to get near her. She is extremely traumatized. Especially around men."

"How can they be certain about long-term abuse or if she has been raped when they weren't able to check her out yet?"

Elliot smiled; at least her mind was awake and working. "Hell if I know, guess we'll have to find out."

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><p><em>Sorry for the repost, but I'm new to this whole story submitting business and the site just messed with my format :-) Promise to be better next time.<em>

_I also wanted to let you know that this story is finished, so look for regular updates :-) Reviews are always welcome!  
><em>


	3. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews guys! :-) Keep them coming!

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><p>"<em>The victim is a 9 year old girl, who has been raped and abused over a long period of time. They haven't been able to get near her. She is extremely traumatized. Especially around men."<em>

"_How can they be certain about long-term abuse or if she has been raped when they weren't able to check her out yet?"_

_Elliot smiled; at least her mind was awake and working. "Hell if I know, guess we'll have to find out."_

_#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*  
><em>

The ride to the hospital was silent and relatively short since traffic was light this time of night. By the time they arrived, Olivia had started feeling slightly better; the painkiller was working now and she could open her eyes without flinching at every streetlight they passed. That was definitely an improvement.

They entered the ER; simultaneously flashing their badges at the triage nurse. The place was bustling with activity; Elliot was always amazed how crazy it got here in the middle of the night.

The nurse didn't look very happy.

"We got called in on a rape and abuse case of a 9 year old girl?" Olivia asked.

"Ah, yes. Dr. Garner wants a quick word with you before you go see her," the nurse replied. She pointed them in the direction of a dark haired woman in her mid-forties who was busy stitching up a cut on an unconscious elderly woman's arm. She was the only doctor in sight, battling against the madness all by herself.

Olivia walked over to her, sidestepping both the 400 pound half-naked guy with a toothbrush protruding from his upper leg, and the squealing army of ten-year olds covered in what looked like pink sparkling super-glue. She introduced herself and Elliot once again.

"Ah, yes finally, " the doctor replied, not looking up from her work. "I was hoping your unit would send a female detective. No offense," she added in Elliot's direction, glancing at him briefly now.

"None taken," he replied. "What can you tell us so far?" Elliot had to speak up louder than he normally would have to make himself heard over all the noise.

"Three kids found her in the basement of an abandoned house; they were probably down there to have little...fun." Dr. Garner looked up at them, knowing they would understand that to mean they were looking for a quiet place to shoot drugs. "The two guys bailed right away, the girl had enough common sense to call 911, and even stayed at the scene to lead the paramedics down to where she'd found the girl. They brought her in with them, you can talk to her later she was pretty shaken up and we wanted to keep an eye on her."

Elliot nodded, glad to hear they would possibly get some useful information out of a witness who at least seemed willing to cooperate, even though her credibility might be questioned if she was a drug addict.

"The girl was semiconscious when the paramedics got to her; but freaked as soon as they tried to check on her condition. Good thing this was a mixed gender team, the female paramedic was able to approach the girl. Don't ask me how she did it; but she got her set up in the bus and brought her here. Then we encountered the same problem. No man could be in the room without sending her in to a state and neither I nor any of the female nurses or the social worker we keep on staff has been allowed to touch her."

"How do you know she has been raped and abused?" Olivia repeated her earlier question.

The doctor gave her a long look before she took a deep breath. "She is pregnant."

Olivia's jaw dropped open and Elliot stopped breathing altogether.

"Sorry, our mistake." Olivia was the first to regain composure. "Our Captain told us she was nine, apparently we were misinformed."

"No, detectives." Dr. Garner had now finished stitching and removed her gloves as she rose from the chair she'd been sitting on. She started walking over towards the nurse's desk and was followed by Olivia and Elliot. "We managed to take an x-ray of her arm and head before she completely freaked out when I accidentally touched her." She then led them over to a light box and she switched it on to reveal pictures of a skull and arm.

"We did the films because of the obvious injuries to both head and arm," the doctor said, pointing to obvious fractures both to the arm and the cheekbone.

Then her finger indicated the teeth visible in the head x-ray as well as the tiny bones of the wrist. "Her teeth and bones say she is nine, maximum ten years old. In person she doesn't look a day older either."

"How is that even possible?" Elliot exclaimed, still in shock.

"Could be she is just an early bloomer, if you want to call it that." Dr. Garner started walking again, now leading them further away from the ER's main area. "Some girls hit puberty sooner than others, there is no fixed date for this to happen. Rather unlikely, but not impossible. More likely someone gave her hormones to speed up the process ... to get her to ovulate."

"What the hell for?" Elliot was still not able to wrap his mind around the facts.

"How would I know? That sounds like something you'll have to find out." Her frustration showed in the doctor's response now. "I'd be content if I could just treat her. The fractures are both easy to fix, but not when she won't let us touch her. Her pregnancy and age rule out pretty much every drug I could give to her to calm her down or knock her out. Not to mention, getting a needle in her arm seems pretty damn impossible at this point. I also don't know where else she might have been hurt. Internal bleeding is not something I would rule out right now. She is pretty bruised. Your Captain said he was sending someone over to talk to her, I'm guessing that is you." She directed her last statement at Olivia. "So please try and make her believe we are not monsters out to hurt her."

"I'll see what I can do," Olivia answered, her thoughts already on the girl and on how to best approach her. "Where is she?"

"We set her up in isolation to get her away from this madhouse here," Dr. Garner told her, waving a hand back in the general direction of the ER that was still bustling like a beehive. "I know that's not ideal," she quickly added as she saw Olivia's expression. "But it was the best option, it's logistically impossible to create a testicle-free environment for her anywhere else around here. I trust you'll find your way? I really need to get back."

"Sure," Olivia sighed, having been down in that area repeatedly. When hospital personnel felt it necessary to send victims there for some 'privacy', it often only accomplished to make them feel utterly alone and shunned.

"Oh, and Detective Stabler, your witness is sitting over there," Dr. Garner shouted over her shoulder as she pointed to her left. Then she made a beeline for a stretcher that was just rolled in.

Olivia was the first to move. "I think I need some caffeine before I can get in there. This could take a while," she said. Her experience with traumatized kids was that they usually took a long time before they would trust anyone, this case seemed no different. No way was she going to last through the next hours without something to help her stay awake.

"You go on, I'll go down to the cafeteria and see what I can find," Elliot offered.

"Not going to work, El. You can't come into the room with me, you heard the doc."

"Okay, let's be quick then." He sighed exasperatedly. He was already on the move, not waiting to see if she would follow.

Olivia almost had to run to keep up with his pace. "Elliot, what the...?" She couldn't place this sudden shift of mood.

He made his way over to the counter in the cafeteria without ever looking at her, ordered two coffees and shoved one into her hand.

"What's gotten into you?" she asked; his temper was running high and somehow his anger was directed at her for no reason she could make out.

"You're letting a victim wait to get coffee? What's gotten into _you_, Liv?" he shot back, his eyes now burning into hers.

"Oh yeah, I was just feeling like having a little me-time here while a terrified nine-year old is sitting in isolation!" Her eyes flashed angrily and she didn't wait for his reply before she turned around and left. She knew him well enough to know he didn't really think she was putting herself over their victim, but the words still stung. '_Jerk_', she thought as she emptied the Styrofoam cup. She'd deal with him later.

*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*

At the door to isolation Olivia paused shortly to take a deep breath and leave the still boiling anger behind, before she pushed it open. The room was only dimly lit, something she was glad about as the bright lights at the ER and hospital floors had done nothing for her still subtly pounding head. It was also wonderfully quiet here.

"Hey," she said, not wanting to scare the girl as she walked over to her.

She was lying on the bed, still dressed in the clothes they must have found her in. She was curled up on her side on top of the covers and stared into nothingness. She looked lost. Alone.

Olivia took a few more steps in her direction. "My name is Olivia, I'm a police officer and I'm here to help you." Her voice was low and soothing, but she could see no indication that her words had been heard.

"May I sit down?" she asked. Again there was no reaction. She drew the chair up to the side of the bed and sat down, watching carefully for any sign of discomfort or fear. She avoided sitting too close just yet, not wanting to scare the girl, who was still unresponsive.

Olivia's eyes rested on the small form in front of her. The girl was not in a good shape, but she couldn't see any life threatening injuries either. Her chest rose and fell steadily; she didn't seem in distress for now. Her distended abdomen was hard to miss, even though she was curled up as tightly as possible. She had to be at least six months into her pregnancy and the thought alone turned Olivia's stomach. She also saw the arm that was obviously broken; she cradled it to her chest. And her face was bruised and swollen, the color of the bruising told Olivia that they were not fresh. More bruises on her legs didn't look any more recent. She also saw marks on her wrists that showed she had been tied up at some point not too long ago. Olivia wondered whether the paramedics had cut her loose and made a mental note to find out.

The girl wore what looked like it used to be a short pink or purple nightgown, something one would wear to bed in summer when it was warm. It was also incredibly dirty and partly shredded. Her hair might have been red or dark blonde, it was hard to tell with all the grime - all obvious signs of neglect that had been going on for a while already. But at some point somebody had made the effort to buy the gown. Maybe also braided her hair, there was something stuck in it that looked like a barrette.

The most stunning thing, however were her eyes. Olivia had never seen anyone with eyes this intense shade of green. They almost seemed to glow, but they also reflected all her pain and desperation and Olivia felt her heart breaking for that little girl. She had sat silently, observantly, partly because she was quite at a loss of words with the situation, but also because she was afraid to say something that would send the girl over the edge that she was teetering so closely to. But it was stretching too long; she would not start talking on her own, that much was clear.

"You must be very afraid," she said, her words chosen carefully and spoken in barely a whisper. "I would be too." Olivia tried to catch the girl's eyes, but so far she was still staring at something unseen.

"You must also be hurting, I can see your arm is broken and someone hit you on the head..." She trailed off. Still no reaction. "Do you know where you are?" she asked next, not expecting a response. "The people who found you took you to a hospital. That means there are a lot of doctors here, they can help you. They can make the pain stop and see that you heal and feel better soon. But I understand if you don't trust those people. They are strangers and you are all alone, there's nobody here who is your friend, right?"

Finally there was a small sign of life from the girl. She sniffed and flicked her eyes at Olivia shortly, only to stare off into space again right away.

"That's why I came here. I told you I'm a police officer. Do you know what the police do? They protect you from the bad guys. That means as long as you're with me, you're safe. Nobody will hurt you." She smiled as the girl looked at her again, this time holding eye contact a bit longer.

"You have the most beautiful green eyes I have ever seen," Olivia told her, not lying. Those same eyes were now locked on her brown ones. "Can you tell me your name?"

It took what felt like an eternity, but finally the girl opened her mouth and responded in a hoarse whisper so quiet that Olivia almost didn't hear her.

"Amanda Barclay."

"Amanda, that's a very pretty and strong name." Olivia smiled again and reached out towards the bed, simply placing her hand next to Amanda's on the sheets. She had learned a long time ago not to initiate the contact with victims this traumatized. The girl would reach out if she felt comfortable enough to do so. For now, the hand was just an offer.

"Amanda, where are you hurting?" she asked, first needing to find out if the girl was in imminent danger, before she could start thinking about how she had ended up in that basement.

"Everywhere," Amanda replied and closed her eyes for a moment. She sounded so desperate.

"I'm sorry," Olivia whispered in return. She couldn't even imagine what pain and terror she was enduring right now. She wished Amanda would just take her hand, wanting nothing more than to comfort that innocent little girl, but she didn't seem ready yet.

"Where does it hurt the most?" Olivia asked next, still determined to get a better read on Amanda's medical condition. She was still afraid of missing a major injury that could potentially cost her her life .The doctor's words about internal bleeding still rang in her ears, but patience was required here.

"My belly," Amanda replied after a little while, sending involuntary shivers down Olivia's spine. '_The baby?_' she thought. But she wasn't really sure she could ask anything about the pregnancy, she wasn't even sure the girl was aware of her condition. At her age and with an obvious background of ongoing abuse, she may well have been raised too isolated to already know where babies came from.

"Okay, we'll see what we can do about that. Do you want me to get the doctor back in here to help you?"

Amanda's eyes widened in fear and she shook her head vigorously as her breath came harder and faster.

"It's okay," Olivia said quickly, trying to calm her down again. "We don't have to ask her back here unless you want to." She managed to catch Amanda's eyes again, communicating silently. "Remember, as long as you're with me, you're safe. I won't let anyone hurt you."

The girl relaxed a little, but Olivia was still treading carefully. She had to balance the need for medical attention against the need to gain Amanda's trust. Right now she seemed okay, so Olivia opted to try and talk to her a little longer.

"Are you thirsty?"

Amanda nodded and Olivia reached for the cup and straw that seemed to be standard inventory in every hospital room in the world. She was relieved to find the cup not empty, so she offered it to the girl.

Amanda took the straw between her lips and drank a few sips.

"Can you tell me how old you are?" Olivia inquired as she put the cup back on the bedside table.

"Nine."

"So that means you are in primary school, right?"

Amanda didn't have an answer to that.

"Don't you go to school, honey?"

"Not for a while," Amanda replied. Her eyes went out of focus for a moment and Olivia guessed she was thinking back to the time when she went.

"How long haven't you been at school, do you remember that?"

"No."

"Okay, don't worry, it's not important." Olivia reassured her. She wondered for a moment whether it would be wise to bring up her parents. But the fact that Amanda had been talking for a while now and not asked for either of them made her refrain. The years with Special Victims had taught her the hard way that in the most severe cases of child abuse the parents were involved, one way or another. It was a fact that never stopped to shock her, but apparently some people thought that since they had been involved in the creation of a human being it gave them the right to treat them without the slightest bit of respect or care.

"Sweetie, how did you get into the basement where they found you earlier? Do you know that?" Olivia decided it was okay to cut to the point and watched the girl's face very carefully for any sign of emotion.

"He took me there," Amanda replied and started to grow tense again.

"And who is 'he'?" Olivia pried further.

Amanda broke eye contact and seemed reluctant to answer. Olivia was sure she knew something and was just too afraid to tell. She might have been threatened or maybe she just thought she was betraying him. Victims often felt an irrational need to protect their tormentors. Stockholm's syndrome was normal reaction, especially among long-term hostages, but still not something she was sure she understood completely.

"It's okay, you can tell me, remember, I will protect you." She tried to encourage the girl to trust her.

But Amanda didn't answer, her eyes had gone out of focus again and she curled up even tighter and moaned, clearly in pain.

"Amanda?" Olivia's voice took a more frantic note now, as much as she tried to keep the rising panic under control. "Amanda, talk to me, what hurts, I wanna help you." Olivia instinctively started to reach for the girl, but stopped herself so she wouldn't scare her and destroy what little rapport they had begun to develop.

"Keep breathing," she coached, because Amanda had clearly stopped, but she got no reaction out of the girl.

"Amanda," she addressed her again, "don't hold your breath, honey, it won't help. Take my hand and squeeze it." Olivia's palm was facing upward and she moved it as close to the girl as she dared while she tried to reestablish eye contact, but her eyes were squeezed shut. But she was rewarded for her earlier restraint when Amanda curled her smaller hand into hers. Olivia let out a breath she hadn't even realized she had been holding and so did Amanda as their hands closed around each other. The first step was made.

"Just breathe," Olivia repeated now much calmer as she was finally able to actually do something other than talk, even if it was just holding a hand and gently rubbing it with her thumb while the girl held on with surprising strength. The ice was broken and Olivia felt no more hesitance as she reached over to stroke her fingers through Amanda's hair, tucking it back behind her ear in a gesture as simple as it was loving. It took a few more minutes for her to relax again, the pain easing up. Olivia was fairly certain by now that she had gone into early labor, mostly likely stress-induced, and that was a condition that warranted treatment. Soon.

"Sweetie, I think it's time to get the doctor in here, so she can help you," Olivia was still stroking through the girl's hair and drew soothing circles on the back of her hand while she spoke. "I want you to trust me, nothing is going to happen and she will only touch you if you say it's okay, and she will stop as soon as you tell her to. You will be in control and you will decide what happens, I will be right here with you the whole time and make sure of that."

Amanda had her eyes locked on Olivia's again, trying to read her, trying to figure out whether this was a trap or if she could trust that woman.

"Can't you just make it stop?" she asked, willing to give her trust to Olivia, but not quite ready to grant the same to anyone else.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm not a doctor; nobody told me how to make that pain go away. Not the one in your belly, not the one in your arm and wherever else you're hurting." Olivia's look was apologetic. If she could avoid it, she wouldn't put that girl through the additional stress of tolerating yet another person's touch just now. It was too soon, their reluctantly established relationship still stood on shaky ground. Yet medical attention could not come soon enough for they were losing precious time with every passing second. Time she felt they could not afford to lose any longer, not if Amanda really was in labor.

The girl was still not sure. "It doesn't hurt so bad now," she said, trying to convince Olivia she was okay now.

"It will start again," Olivia replied, feeling certain of that. Her eyes now begged Amanda to give in, she was genuinely afraid for both hers and the unborn child's life.

"You will stay here with me?" she asked, her eyes pleading.

"I won't leave even for a second, I promise," Olivia smiled.

Amanda nodded her head in agreement.

Olivia pulled out her phone and pushed speed dial number one, waiting for Elliot to pick up.

He did at the first ring.


	4. Chapter 3

_Olivia pulled out her phone and pushed speed dial number one, waiting for Elliot to pick up. _

_He did at the first ring._

__#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*_  
><em>

"Liv?" His voice was warm and riddled with concern. She could tell he was worried about their earlier argument. That fact alone was all she needed to forgive his harsh words and take them for what they were, just the overflowing temper of a tired detective and father to three daughters, girls just like the one she was talking to now.

"El, I need you to find Dr. Garner and get her in here. Just her, nobody else." She cut right to the point, which was her way of saying 'Apology accepted' and she knew he would understand. They'd been dancing this dance long enough. "Tell her I think she is in early labor and tell her to leave her ER attitude outside, I need her calm and relaxed and not in a hurry."

"Go it. Anything you can tell me yet?"

"I'll text you in a minute," she replied, ending the call. She quickly wrote down name and confirmed age for Elliot so he could get a head start on missing persons. It would have been easier to just tell him, but she didn't want Amanda to listen as she passed on her name. The girl might feel she betrayed her trust that way.

Knowing it would probably be a while before the doctor could make it there Olivia decided to entertain Amanda with a story. No more questions for now. Nothing that could possibly upset her even more, she didn't need that right now. Olivia was halfway through the tale of the green-eyed fairy and her firefly friend, making it up as she went along, when the door opened and she felt Amanda grow tense.

"It's okay, honey, don't be scared. Remember, you set the rules and nothing will happen unless you say it's okay." She reassured the girl.

Dr. Garner stopped just inside the door and didn't move forward anymore, waiting for a sign it was okay to come in.

Olivia appreciated her thoughtfulness, but wished she had at least said 'Hi' instead of this eerie quiet.

"Look, you've got the doctor scared into silence," she quipped to Amanda with a smile, determined to break the tension. "She won't hurt you, I won't let her." Olivia held eye contact with the girl and saw her relax a little. "May she come in?"

Amanda nodded and Olivia invited the doctor in without ever looking away from the girl. She would not let her down, not after everything she had already been through.

Four hours later Olivia finally felt comfortable leaving Amanda's side. The exam went reasonably well, with the help of a lot of patience and care. Amanda had revealed a little more about how she'd gotten to this point and it left Olivia even more horrified than before. Also her body spoke loud and clear, she'd been beaten every day for months if not years. There were several healed and half-healed fractures, bruises, cuts and signs of previous head-trauma. There was no telling how long the sexual abuse had gone on and how severe it had been. That part of the exam had been impossible.

Amanda had been so afraid of being alone again; she was now set up in a room at the PICU with another girl. She was sleeping. Dr. Garner had been able to stop the labor, had put a cast on her arm, had bandaged six broken ribs and had taken blood for testing. She even set up an IV that would provide her with fluids and meds. No male caregivers or visitors were allowed in that room for now and Olivia had promised to be back again in the afternoon.

Now Olivia was very much ready to leave and go find the bastard who was responsible. The familiar rage in her belly that always accompanied child abuse cases was a remarkably strong driving force that made you forget all about personal needs like eating or sleeping. The crash often came much much later, long after the perp was in custody.

"Detective Benson!" Olivia and Elliot turned around once more, already halfway out the ER doors. Dr. Garner made her way over to them, she still looked shaken, having been privy to the details Amanda had provided on her abuse during the examination.

"I just wanted to thank you for what you did back there." She motioned towards the isolation area.

"Thanks. It's kind of my job." Olivia gave a small appreciative smile.

"But it was pretty amazing and if you hadn't been here tonight, I'm not sure we'd gotten anywhere near her. She probably would have lost that baby before we had." She continued while she dropped her gaze to the floor and looked uncomfortably around the ER. "I'm a trauma surgeon, not a pediatrician or let alone an OB. I don't usually get very involved with my patients, you know." She shrugged. "They come through those doors and I patch them up to send them back out. I don't get to see cases like this very often, but I suppose you do. You both do," she added, taking a deep calming breath and including Elliot now. "I just, ... I don't know how you handle that on a daily basis, and I can't even begin to imagine how you can go back out there and face it over and over." She paused again, trying to hold on to her composure. "I'm just ... I'm just glad you do."

Olivia reached out and placed a comforting hand on the doctor's arm. "Somebody has to," she answered in a low voice, before turning around to leave. She was all too familiar with that horrified reaction; she experienced it herself each and every time. Outsiders often thought the SVU detectives just got used to the heinous crimes they saw, turned numb, so they could continue facing them every day. But that wasn't true, the moment you got used to it was the moment you should turn in your request for transfer. They only thing they did improve was their skill at hiding how deeply it affected them.

*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*

They returned to the squad room side by side, each holding on to a cup of coffee from the around the clock vendor downstairs. Elliot plopped down on his chair ungracefully while Olivia grabbed his notes. She was filled with too much nervous energy to sit, so she started pacing around their desks.

"What did our witness have to say," she asked around a half-stifled yawn while leafing through his notebook.

"She wanted to make me swear I wouldn't get her involved," Elliot replied, setting his coffee down and shuffling through his paperwork. He actually needed to get all of these files and documents ready and organized for court by tomorrow and he had no idea when he was going to find the time. "Will you sit down? I swear you're giving me motion sickness."

"She seemed cooperative enough," Olivia continued pacing, ignoring his request completely, "Why would she stay with Amanda when she didn't want to be helpful?" She didn't even need to ask Elliot if he had agreed to keep her out of it; he would never do that if the statement was needed for a case.

"She stayed with the girl out of obligation; she also didn't want to 'obstruct justice'." Elliot raised his hands to make quotation marks. Then he tried to grab Olivia's arm as she passed his chair to get her to stop and stand still for a second. But she eluded him.

Olivia's head snapped up from his notebook. "Her words?" she asked and he nodded. "What an odd thing for a junkie to say, she been through the system?" Olivia raised her eyebrows.

"Not exactly … you won't believe this," he declared, giving up on trying to get Olivia to sit and instead redirecting his attention to his desk again, now trying to locate a particular document in the mess in front of him, but failing utterly.

"So try me." Olivia was oblivious to her partner's divided attention.

He was now emptying the top drawer, increasing the mess on his desk by a ten-fold. "That junkie is Donnelly's daughter."

Now Olivia's eyes widened and she stopped mid-step. The look of astonishment on her face made Elliot chuckle.

"Come again?" she said as she regained her composure somehow.

"My words exactly."

"You've got to be kidding me. Donnelly comes down harder on drug addicts than any other judge. That explains why her daughter doesn't feel like getting involved though," Olivia stated while she too sat down at her desk, which made Elliot grunt with relief.

"Yeah, well, seeing that she is only 16, I had to call the judge who promptly came and hauled her ass back home." Elliot was now trying to force all the paperwork back into the drawer and glanced over at his partner. "Don't get too comfortable, we need to head to the crime scene. CSU should be there by now; I called them first thing so the unit securing it for the time being could go do something useful."

Olivia groaned. She shot a short and resentful look into the direction of Fin and Munch's desks. Alaska started to sound really good.

Cragen's door opened, he at least had the grace not to look any more rested than she felt.

"Cap, any word on when the rest of this unit returns to pitch in here?" she asked him, not caring too much about how cranky she sounded. The surge of energy had passed as quickly as it had come and sitting down she now felt exhaustion take over her body once more. Her legs felt like lead, her eyes burned, the taste of coffee in her mouth made her feel nauseous and the Aspirin seemed to have stopped working too. She had every right to be cranky.

"They are stuck up there for now, seems authorities in Alaska 'misplaced' our perp," Cragen exclaimed with exasperation. He had spend the better part of last night on the phone, with Munch getting updates, with One-PP giving explanations, with Alaskan authorities trying to find answers.

"How the hell did that happen?" Elliot was clearly not amused either.

"Appears they shipped him off to a different prison than his file says they did. They need to go through the records of everyone who has been booked during the same week and trace them down to locate where the switch happened. Their system crashed, they can computerize their records at the moment, which means they are sifting through loads of paperwork up there right now."

"Just perfect!" Olivia sighed, she didn't even have the energy to get worked up anymore. She was so damn tired.

Cragen took a deep breath and turned to his two detectives more fully. "What can you tell me about the new case so far; took your time in the hospital, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah, we thought we deserved to take a small vacation at Mercy Gen. We haven't gotten out much lately." Elliot finally gave up on the war he was waging on his paperwork.

Cragen shot him a look but let it slide.

"Olivia?" he asked his other detective, letting Stabler fume for now.

Olivia rubbed her forehead and then pinched the bridge of her nose. Recounting yet again what Amanda had told her was the last thing she wanted to do right now. She had already filled Elliot in on their ride back to the precinct. Her heart was still not done breaking for that brave little girl. She sighed and decided to give him the abbreviated version. He could read about the rest in her DD5, if she ever found time to type that thing.

"Amanda Barclay, age nine, not in missing persons. No birth certificate with her name on it in the Tri-state area. She's seven months pregnant, which is the only proof we have on the rape. She has a broken arm and cheekbone, six broken ribs, and is severely traumatized, malnourished, and neglected. We'll try to locate her school records, problem is she didn't share which school she went to."

Cragen eyed his detective carefully, usually he'd get a little more out of her, but he would not push it just yet.

"Okay, what's your next step?" he asked instead.

"We're on our way to the crime scene actually," Elliot replied. He too was giving his partner a once over and made a vow to talk to her about that little stunt later.

"Good, when you're done there, get some sleep … at home." Cragen turned around on his heels, both frustrated and sympathetic with their attitude right now. He really had worked them a little hard during the last week. It was no wonder they were starting to plan a mutiny.

"Oh, and Stabler," he shouted over his shoulder as his door was almost closed already.

Elliot swiveled his chair around, _what now_?

"The lab report on the Jenkins case you were searching for earlier? It's on Benson's desk," Cragen said.

Elliot raised his eyebrows and gave Olivia a long look. How the Captain could have known what he was looking for and how he could have known where it was eluded him. So did the fact of why the offending piece of paper was on the wrong desk. But he was not going to get into that now.


	5. Chapter 4

Keep the reviews coming guys, you know as well as I do that reviews are an author's lifeline :-))

SVU has been renewed, yay! Mariska already signed her contract, I'm sure Chris will soon and we can take whatever they throw at us (as long as it is not Jennifer Love Hewitt!) *lol*

* * *

><p>"<em>Oh, and Stabler," he shouted over his shoulder as his door was almost closed already. <em>

_Elliot swiveled his chair around, what now? _

"_The lab report on the Jenkins case you were searching for earlier? It's on Benson's desk," Cragen said._

_Elliot raised his eyebrows and gave Olivia a long look. How the Captain could have known what he was looking for and how he could have known where it was eluded him. So did the fact of why the offending piece of paper was on the wrong desk. But he was not going to get into that now._

__#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*_  
><em>

"Talk to me, Liv." Elliot had kept a careful eye on her for the last ten minutes of their car ride. She was sitting as far away from him as humanly possible in the sedan's confined space and was staring out of the window, tense and avoiding eye contact with him. Never a good sign, she was brooding over something and he was fairly certain it was directly related to what she had told him earlier.

"I'm fine, El." She looked over at him shortly, knowing full well he wouldn't believe her for one second. How could she be fine with the fact that Amanda had confided in her that she had been taken from her home months ago after her mother's death? How could she be fine with the knowledge that Amanda had been woken from her sleep by a stranger who taped her mouth shut, tied her wrists together, and drug her through the front door? And her step-father had watched the whole time. How could she be fine with the fact that Amanda had spent most of the time since then shackled to a wall along with five more girls? And that sometimes the shackles were so high up that she could neither kneel, nor sit, let alone lie down. Her wrists and rotator cuffs spoke volumes of how she'd been barely able to touch the floor with her toes for hours on end.

But she couldn't allow herself to dwell on that right now. They had to find the bastard first and so far they still didn't even have a name on the step-dad. They were just expanding their search for a birth certificate. And that wouldn't give them her step-father's name either, let alone the stranger's. This part of their work was always frustratingly tedious.

"Wanna try that again?" Elliot wouldn't let this go just now, his voice was soft and caring. He had to stop at a red light, which gave him the time to look at her directly. She struggled to hold on to her usual composure, he could tell, even though she was outwardly calm. He reached over and covered her hand with his. She pulled it back.

"Liv?"

"Just give it a rest," she begged, finally looking at him. Her expressive eyes reflected all her pain, she couldn't hide it from him; he knew her too well.

"This is eating away at you and you know what happens if you let it. You know as well as I do that there is no way we are going home after we're done at the crime scene. Not with what you told me earlier. That means we have to keep going for God knows how much longer. I'm not sure you can unless you let this go."

"Elliot." She sighed. "I know you care and I love that you do, but right now I'm too damn tired to think. I can barely function, let alone talk. I just can't..." She looked at him directly and he knew that was probably true for the both of them. "I will deal with this, I always do, don't I? Trust me; my head is in the game."

"That's not what I'm afraid of. I'm concerned it's in the game _too deeply._" She had turned away to stare out of the window once more. "You get very involved with our cases and that's what makes you such a great cop. I'm just afraid that one day you won't be able to snap out of it anymore once it's over." He reached for her hand once more and this time she let him take it.

"I can't lose my partner over one of these cases," he added after a short moment of silence.

"Wow, where did that come from?" her head snapped around and her eyes flashed angrily at him as she pulled out of his grasp. "Nobody handles the children well; you know that as well as I do. I think I have proven over and over that I deal with it, eventually, in my own way. I don't get why you're suddenly starting to doubt me." She turned away to stare out of the window once more, retreating into her shell completely.

"Liv, look at me please," he asked her and after a few endless seconds she did. Her eyes were red with unshed tears. "I don't doubt you for one second. Please believe that, because it's true. But talking to Amanda, hearing her recount what happened to her … I can't even begin to imagine how horrible that must have been; to hear it first hand; from her mouth. I'm just saying that you don't have to shoulder that alone."

Olivia saw nothing but truth shining in his eyes and her features softened. "I was the one she trusted enough to confide in; I was the one who promised her nobody would ever hurt her again. And I'm the one going back there today to make her relive more of the horrors that happened to her. It's kind of something I have to shoulder by myself as she won't even let you come into her room."

Elliot sighed; she was right in a way. He could not take her place at Amanda's side, he could not share the burden of making her talk again. But he could do his damndest to track down the bastard responsible.

The light turned green and he returned his attention to the road ahead. "Look, I could stop by your place; it's on the way. I'll drop you off, do the crime scene alone, and you can go on and get some sleep. I'll pick you up again later and we can get a fresh start in the afternoon."

"That's very sweet," Olivia said, having calmed down again; her voice was just barely loud enough for him to hear her, "and very tempting. But you're not exactly well rested either." He had actually managed to sleep for two blissful hours the previous afternoon, a fact she tried not to resent him for. "I think it's better to have two half-functioning detectives on scene rather than one. Doubles our chances of not missing the important stuff." She gave him a small smile.

"Let's just get it over with then," he grumbled.

*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*

CSU had already covered most of the basement by the time the detectives arrived there. Even brightly lit by their halogen lamps, that place didn't fail to send shivers down Olivia's spine. It was dank and windowless, smelled of urine and mold, but it was clearly also not the place where Amanda had been kept during the last months. She'd told Olivia about a wide and almost circular room with shackles at the walls, where she and the others were tied up. She'd never mentioned that it was dark, but had described a dirty mattress in the middle of the room, where the man who had abducted her from her home was taking 'special care' of them.

They didn't find any of that here.

"Find anything useful?" Elliot asked CSU Captain Judith Siper; who was heading the tech team today.

"We'll still have to sift through a lot of dirt and excrements. Thanks for that by the way, but we've covered all the rooms down here as well as upstairs and none of them look like anyone has been kept prisoner here for a long time." Siper filled them in. "The house was abandoned 10 years ago, I suppose the occasional overnight 'guests' have left a thing or two behind, so it will be difficult to exclude the irrelevant stuff, because obviously we have nothing to compare it to."

"Did you find anything that looks more recent than the rest?" Olivia asked. "We are fairly certain she hasn't been here for more than a few days; so anything that's older than that is probably useless."

"The timeframe will definitely help, but I have to get everything back to the lab to determine what's old and what's new." Siper shrugged apologetically. "I know that's not what you were hoping for, but I just have no way of telling for sure out here."

"Okay." Olivia sighed. "Would it be too much to hope for hair or DNA?"

"Oh we found plenty of hair and a few sperm samples as well as blood," she replied. "Blood looks too old to fit your timeframe though, sperm samples were nowhere near where the girl was found and hair … well, I'll have to get back to you on that some of the samples definitely look like animal. We also found no prints. With the bare stone walls down here there is almost no surface that will hold one. I'm sorry detectives; it seems this one is not going to be solved in our lab."

"Well, that was a total waste of time," Olivia stated as they headed out to their car again. She checked her watch. Still too early to return to the hospital, Amanda would still be asleep for hours. "Back to the house?"

"Yeah," Elliot confirmed, already getting into the driver's side. "Let's see if the school records arrived or if her birth certificate has shown up."

She got into her seat and caught him giving her that look again, the one that meant he was worried. "Don't start again, Elliot. I'm so not going there with you right now," she exclaimed before he could even open his mouth.

"Hey." He raised his hands defensively. "I wasn't going to say anything."

"Yeah, right." she scoffed, but decided not to push it. If he really hadn't meant to try and get into her head again, all the better.

*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*

Once they arrived back at the station, they found Cragen's office empty, but the squad room was fairly busy with the usual late morning hustle. Olivia dropped her jacket on the back of her chair and made her way over to the coffee pot when Elliot caught up with her in a few easy strides.

"Oh no; you're not," he said, holding her back by the arm.

Olivia lifted an eyebrow at him. "I'm not what?"

"You're not getting coffee."

"Elliot; …" She started to protest, but he wouldn't let her get a word in. Instead he propelled her towards the stairs.

"I will track down where Amanda came from and see if I can figure out the identity of her step-father. You are going on 40 straight hours without sleep and that's going to end here. Go upstairs. I'll wake you once it's time to head back to the hospital."

Olivia looked at him with tired eyes. His body language showed her he was dead serious.

"Elliot I can't …," she protested once more, fighting him only half-heartedly now. There was so much to do and very little time to do it. For all they knew there were still more girls held captive and every minute they wasted could cost one of them their life.

"Yes you can and you will." He interrupted her again. "Get your ass up to the cribs, now." He meant business, that much was clear. "Hand over your phone, I don't want anyone calling you within the next four hours. I will come get you if something major comes up, I promise." His eyes begged her to just let him take the lead on this and simultaneously made it very clear that he was not going to back down on it.

She felt herself starting to give in. Four hours of sleep did sound like an incredible luxury.

"Let me just; …" She motioned over to her desk, wanting to do a quick check on her emails to see if any word had come in on Amanda's identity yet.

"NO!" Elliot's voice held a lot more vehemence now and it was loud enough to get a few people's attention. He didn't care, his eyes never left hers. Most regulars in their squad room were used to seeing them face off over this and that. Their ever changing dynamic was what made them such a good team. They constantly challenged each other and their coworkers had stopped wondering long ago.

Olivia knew he would stare her down if he had to, but for now the only thing she saw in his eyes was overwhelming concern.

"Your phone" he prodded in a lower voice, holding out his free hand. She still didn't move, still didn't want to give in, and still didn't feel she could just abandon their investigation for that long.

"Liv?" His voice was so low now that only she could hear him. "Do you need me to carry you upstairs? Because I will," he smirked.

She didn't doubt him. Sighing, she reached into the back pocket of her jeans and handed over her phone.

"Thanks," she whispered, as she squeezed the hand that still held onto her arm lightly before she turned around and heaved herself up the stairs. The cribs were dark as always, whoever had decided to turn this place into their on-call room had been smart enough to realize that it needed to be dark during the day as well so people could actually sleep in here any time. Few windows, thick blinds, lots of darkness. And quiet. It had a soothing quality, whatever horrors lived downstairs in the squad room could not get past these doors. As a detective in this unit you learned very early on to make peace with a case before going to bed, no matter what the current state of an investigation. The nightmares you'd face otherwise were just too much to bear. She kicked off her shoes, unbuckled her belt to get rid of her gun and shield before she stretched out on her belly on her usual cot in the back row. The room was empty and would most likely stay that way during the day. Her mind shut down before her head hit the pillow as she fell into well-deserved deep and dreamless sleep.


	6. Chapter 5

"_Thanks," she whispered, as she squeezed the hand that still held onto her arm lightly before she turned around and heaved herself up the stairs. The cribs were dark as always, whoever had decided to turn this place into their on-call room had been smart enough to realize that it needed to be dark during the day as well so people could actually sleep in here any time. Few windows, thick blinds, lots of darkness. And quiet. It had a soothing quality, whatever horrors lived downstairs in the squad room could not get past these doors. As a detective in this unit you learned very early on to make peace with a case before going to bed, no matter what the current state of an investigation. The nightmares you'd face otherwise were just too much to bear. She kicked off her shoes, unbuckled her belt to get rid of her gun and shield before she stretched out on her belly on her usual cot in the back row. The room was empty and would most likely stay that way during the day. Her mind shut down before her head hit the pillow as she fell into well-deserved deep and dreamless sleep._

*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*

Elliot, as promised, made his way up the stairs four hours later to wake her. He'd made good progress during the time she'd slept. His mood was lifted a little and his heart felt lighter. He actually had a game plan now, a place they could start looking for their perp, and a few leads he planned to run down while Olivia was at the hospital with Amanda.

He opened the door to the cribs and smiled as he saw her still fast asleep, stretched out on her belly on her usual cot. He took a second to study her; she was so beautiful in her sleep. Once again he sat down next to her. The shifting of the mattress alone caused her to stir and she rolled over on her side slowly, curling up in the process.

"Hey sleepyhead." He greeted her with another smile. She slowly blinked the sleepiness from her eyes, still not quite able to grasp her surroundings.

"Come on; time to rejoin the world of the living." He touched her back gently but briefly, giving it a quick rub before he got up again. "Go ahead and take a quick shower, I've got lunch waiting outside and then we're off."

Olivia watched his retreating form as she gathered enough energy to get up. He really did take great care of her and it brought a familiar warmth to her heart. She'd return the favor the next moment they caught a break. That was how they worked the tough cases, as they both had a tendency to become too obsessed and entangled in them. It wasn't healthy, but it was the dedication needed to be any good at the job they were doing.

Ten minutes later she sat down in the lounge with him, showered and changed, feeling like a whole new human being.

"Feel better?" he asked after giving her a quick once over. The question was really just rhetorical. He didn't need her to answer, her whole appearance sent a loud and clear message.

"A thousand times," she replied anyway with a small smile playing around her lips. This was why he loved taking care of her on days like this, these grateful little smiles that could light up his whole world.

"Headache?" he asked as he was not quite done ensuring she was really back on her feet.

"Almost gone." It was an honest enough answer. A dull pounding in the back of her skull remained. She knew it wouldn't pass before this was over, but it was absolutely bearable.

He proceeded to open the boxes strewn across the table. There was Cesar salad and chicken and egg sandwiches and two tall cups of steaming liquid. Olivia grabbed the one closer to her side of the table and blew on it before she took a small sip. Elliot laughed as she screwed up her face in surprise.

"Tea?" she exclaimed.

"Not just any tea, peppermint and lemon," he shot back feigning to be hurt, but still chuckling about the expression on her face. "You're going to give yourself an ulcer with all the coffee!" He wagged a finger at her.

"Why the sudden concern for my digestive system?" she teased back, grateful for a moment of lightheartedness before they had to get back to business.

"Ulcer means surgery, which means prolonged hospitalization, which means I get the Gangster Rapper and Mr. Conspiracy while you get to park your ass on the couch during sick leave," he explained. "So I'm really just looking out for myself."

She took another sip of her tea, relishing in its taste now. She loved that particular brand and he knew it. And she loved that he knew it. "So did you get yourself some tea as well then?" she asked innocently, "Because really, that works both ways."

"Not true, I eat way more carbohydrates than you." He pointed his fork at her and spoke around a mouthful of salad.

"What's that got to do with anything, Mr. Cesar Salad?" She pointed her own fork back at him, mimicking his gesture.

"Soaks up the caffeine, so it doesn't affect my stomach as much," he explained it to her as if that was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh yeah?" Her expression made it clear that she didn't believe one word. But she grabbed a sandwich, waving it at him a little. "See, carbohydrates."

They ate in companionable silence for another few minutes. When Elliot had finished with his share of the salad and took a sandwich, he started filling her in on how far he'd come during the last four hours. As the conversation shifted to a more serious topic, Olivia sat up a little straighter listing intently.

"Amanda was born in Canada; that's why it took so long to find her birth certificate. She actually turned eleven last month; she must have lost track of time while she was held captive. She moved to the States with her mom when she was two, probably doesn't even remember. Her mother was Arianne Barclay, a US citizen originally from Chicago. She died almost exactly a year and a half ago, brain tumor. She was married to Edwin Carson; he never adopted Amanda, but got legal guardianship of her after the mother's death because there were no other living relatives. No father on the birth certificate either. Amanda went to primary school on the Upper East Side, but stopped going there after mom died. Stepfather told the school Amanda had moved away to live with her grandparents, obviously not true."

"Do we know where Carson lives?"

"I have his last address, I'll drop you off at the hospital and go check it out." He chewed on a particularly large bite, which gave her time to interrupt again.

"Not alone, you won't!" Her eyes burned intensely with worried determination. The 'don't mess with me' look he loved so much.

"I won't rattle his cage, don't worry. I doubt he even lives there anymore. I dumped his phones and bank accounts, no financial activities point to him still paying rent at that place and he never shops in the area. But I'll go and make sure; maybe he left a forwarding address."

"I just want you to be careful. Carson may not be directly involved in the abuse and rape, but he apparently had no problem with handing his stepdaughter off to the one who is. So he can't be too keen on being found out."

*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*

After dropping Olivia off at Mercy General Elliot drove over to Carson's last known address. As he had suspected, the man no longer lived there and hadn't been seen in the building for over a year. But the super could help him out with the name of one of Carson's best friends and he could also tell him where the guy used to work.

Meanwhile Olivia made her way up to the hospital's third floor, to the PICU, where Amanda's room was. She opened the door carefully, not wanting to wake the girl up in case she was still sleeping and was immediately greeted with a call of her name.

"Olivia," Amanda cried out, stretching her good arm towards the door while she tried to rise from the bed.

Olivia quickly made her way over to the little girl and put her hand on Amanda's shoulder. "Stay in bed, sweetie, you're not allowed up just yet." She smiled as she sat down next to her. Amanda looked decidedly better now; she was clean and her hair had been washed and turned out to be slightly wavy and of a beautiful red-golden color. She'd also been given a pair of pajamas that were light yellow with a teddy bear pattern.

"You look a lot better than last night," she said, commenting on the girl's appearance. "Love the pajamas, who gave them to you?"

"Rebecca did, she is really cool. She is a nurse and she helped me wash my hair," Amanda replied, having taken a firm hold of Olivia's hand.

To leave the victims behind while she went out to bust someone's ass never really sat right with her and Olivia felt she could breathe a little easier knowing that Amanda had started to trust someone else too, someone who had the ability to stay with her more closely.

"I'm glad you're making friends here," she said and stroked through Amanda's hair much like she had done the previous night. "How are you feeling, any pain?"

Amanda shook her head. "No, I'm okay now. You were right."

"I promised you nothing would happen; I'm known for keeping my promises." Olivia felt truly thankful for having been able to keep this one and made a mental note to seek out Nurse Rebecca to thank her too.

"Amanda,…" Olivia shifted slightly on the girl's bed, inching a little closer. Her face grew more serious and Amanda immediately noticed the change and looked at her intently. "You know I'd like to find the man who did this to you. He needs to be pay for what he did; I want him to go to jail for hurting you."

Amanda said nothing, but was carefully searching Olivia's eyes for any hint on where this conversation was going.

Olivia took another deep breath. This was the part she hated most about her work, but it was also the part she was really good at. "I need you to tell me a little more about him," she continued and watched as Amanda grew tense. "Don't be scared, sweetie. We won't talk about anything that happened to you, I just need you to describe him to me a little better. Can you describe the room where you and the other girls were kept?" She started rubbing circles on the back of Amanda's hand to soothe her, much like she had done when she had first been allowed to hold that hand.

Amanda was still not saying anything, so Olivia continued with more specific questions.

"Can you tell me how old he was? Was he about my age or younger or maybe older?"

"Younger," Amanda replied in a quiet voice. She started shaking a little and Olivia gripped her hand a little tighter.

"A lot younger than me or just a little?"

"A little, he was a grown-up." Amanda broke eye contact. She studied their intertwined hands instead and Olivia could physically feel the emotional pain those questions caused.

"And what color was his hair?" she continued, trying to catch the girl's eyes again.

"He had no hair."

"Are you saying he was bald?" Olivia was a little surprised.

"He shaved it off, not only on his head, everywhere. Some days you could see the stubble." Amanda closed her eyes, trying to keep the pictures out of her head.

"Okay, and what about his eyes?" Olivia probed further, needing the information.

"They were dark. Brown, but not like yours, they were darker."

"And his skin? Was it white or black or something different?"

"He was white, but not light like me. He was darker, like you."

"You're doing really good, sweetie," Olivia squeezed her hand a little and hoped Amanda would look at her again, but her efforts were in vain. So she continued, "And can you remember how tall he was?"

"He was really tall," Amanda whispered. "And really strong."

Olivia felt that was probably all she would get as far as a description went and decided that it really was enough to go on for now. Watching Amanda struggle through the interview was grueling already and they still had a lot of ground to cover.

"And what do you remember about the room you were kept in? You told me it was round and had a mattress in the middle and shackles on the walls, but what else can you recall?" she asked as she tucked a strand of hair back behind Amanda's ear.

Amanda took a ragged breath and opened her eyes gain. They were filled with so much pain; that Olivia could literally feel her heart breaking and had to swallow hard before she could continue.

"What color were the walls?" she asked, knowing but also despising that she had to keep up with those painful questions.

"They were white, but not painted white; the stones were white," Amanda replied, her voice breaking now.

"And where there any windows?"

"Just really small ones high up; I couldn't look outside." Tears were starting to spill from Amanda's eyes and Olivia gently brushed them away with her thumb. She let her hand linger a little longer, stroking the girl's cheek.

"And what about the other girl's, how many were there?" She went on, sensing that she would have to stop soon or she'd upset her too much.

"When he brought me there, there were six of us," Amanda cried. "One day he took one of the others for her 'special time' to the mattress and she didn't get up again when he was done. He dragged her from the room, but we never saw her again."

"It's okay, sweetie; you're okay." Olivia tried to console the now sobbing girl while she fought her own tears that threatened to fall. "I just need to know one more thing." she added as she shifted to cradle Amanda in her arms and held her as tight as she dared. "Can you describe the other girls?"

Amanda was clinging to Olivia for dear life, but still made an effort to answer the last question.

"They were all as old as me. The girl next to me, her name was Melissa, she told me she was from Brooklyn. Her hair was brown and she was really pretty."

"Okay," Olivia whispered, rocking Amanda in her arms now, hating that she had to keep pushing. "And what about the others?"

"I don't know their names, we weren't allowed to talk. Melissa and I only could because we were close enough to whisper," Amanda sobbed.

"It doesn't matter. We'll find them anyway, but can you remember what they looked like?"

"One was very small," she sniffled, "her hair was all black …. She looked Chinese …. She is the one who..." Her voice faltered. "...who didn't come back." She was crying really hard now and Olivia had trouble understanding her.

"One was black, she cried all the time ... He hit her more than the rest of us to …." Olivia pulled her a little closer, still mindful of her broken ribs. "…. to make her stop."

Amanda was silent for a while before she continued, gathering strength to finish. "The other two looked a lot like each other …. They were both blonde and very thin …. but one had shorter hair …. Melissa told me they had been there when since before she was new." With that she buried her face even deeper into Olivia's chest, marking the end of this interview.

"Okay, you did wonderful; this is going to help me a lot." Olivia sighed, stroking through her hair. She was glad she could stop the torturous procedure and was content with just comforting her. She couldn't hold back the silent tears that were running down her cheeks anymore. As she kept on rocking Amanda, it was to soothe her own frayed nerves as much as the girl in her arms. Amanda had survived and she would be able to leave those horrors behind one day and that was all that really mattered. Or at least that was what she kept telling herself, what she had to keep telling herself, so she could continue doing this job. She felt the need to leave. To run, to go out search for the bastard who was responsible. But she couldn't abandon Amanda now, not like this, not when she was desperately clinging to her; trying to forget the pictures Olivia had forced into her head again. Amanda's current state of distress was on her and that was what hurt the most about seeing the girl shake with fear and misery.

Half an hour later Amanda had cried herself to sleep in Olivia's arms when the door to the hospital room opened slowly and a petite dark-haired woman in flower-patterned scrubs entered. Olivia looked up to her questioningly.

"You must be Detective Benson, Dr. Garner said you'd be here," the woman said in a low voice so as not to disturb the sleeping girl. "I'm Rebecca; I'm the peds nurse who does the children's rape exams." She held out her hand to Olivia, who detangled herself from Amanda and laid her down on her pillow carefully to return the greeting.

"Yeah, Amanda told me you'd helped her wash her hair and brought her pajamas. She said you were really cool." Olivia smiled before growing serious again. "She trusts you," Olivia stated and shook the other woman's hand warmly. They both started moving to the door so they could speak more freely without fearing to disturb their patient. "How's she doing?" Olivia asked once they were out in the hallway.

"Amanda is fine so far, but I'm afraid the baby died around noon. We're not picking up a heartbeat anymore." Rebecca filled her in, while they walked slowly towards the sparsely furnished waiting area.

"Oh," was all that Olivia could say in return, too shocked for anything else.

"We assume it's related to Amanda's severe malnourishment, but the M.E. will be able to tell for sure," Rebecca explained as she motioned for Olivia to sit down on the ancient looking couch.

"So what's going to happen next?" Olivia asked, looking down at her hands.

"We'll do a C-section once she is a bit stronger, right now operating on her would be risky, she is still quite weak. And we wouldn't want to put her through the additional trauma of having her deliver the baby vaginally, especially not at her age."

Olivia nodded her agreement, having to deliver a dead child was a painful experience for a grown woman. She didn't even want to think about putting Amanda through that ordeal.

"Dr. Garner also wanted me to tell you that we found no evidence of hormone treatment in her blood. We will of course send a sample of her blood and hair to your lab for more thorough testing, but right now there is no reason for us to believe that somebody wanted her to get pregnant so young."

Olivia was still looking at her hands as she slowly rubbed them together. She took a deep breath and lifted her head to meet the nurse's gaze. "I'm afraid I had to ask her some very difficult questions so my partner and I will be able to catch the man who did this to her," she explained softly. "She might be very upset once she wakes up again so I'd really feel a lot better if I knew she won't be alone when she does."

"She won't be, I promise," Rebecca replied without hesitation. A moment of silence passed between the two women, a moment of mutual understanding, before Olivia got up to leave the hospital. She'd wait for Elliot outside. The walls were moving in on her and she needed to get some fresh air. She suddenly found herself running and wasn't able to stop until the darkened sky opened above her and she was standing in the ambulance bay. It was snowing.


	7. Chapter 6

Thanks for reviewing :-)

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><p>"<em>She might be very upset once she wakes up again so I'd really feel a lot better if I knew she won't be alone when she does."<em>

"_She won't be, I promise," Rebecca replied without hesitation. A moment of silence passed between the two women, a moment of mutual understanding, before Olivia got up to leave the hospital. She'd wait for Elliot outside. The walls were moving in on her and she needed to get some fresh air. She suddenly found herself running and wasn't able to stop until the darkened sky opened above her and she was standing in the ambulance bay. It was snowing._

_*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*  
><em>

Four hours after he'd dropped his partner off Elliot had finally been able to locate Carson and called for two uniforms to take him back to the station to be questioned later while he returned to the hospital to pick up Olivia. It was dark already and the snowflakes were coming down hard now. He loved snow, but hated it in New York. It slowed everything down to a degree that was beyond frustrating. It took him three times as long to drive back to Mercy. When he pulled up in the police lane at the ambulance bay, he could already make out the familiar form of his partner sitting hunched over on a bench outside; seemingly oblivious to the snowflakes covering her hair and jacket.

He turned off the engine and got out of the car to walk over to her. "Liv?" he asked once he was standing next to her. The tension radiating off her body was palpable and he noticed that the knuckles of her hands were white where she clutched the edge of the bench's seat while her fingers had a more blueish tinge from the cold. She'd been here a while.

She looked up at him and even in the darkness he could tell that she had been crying, but her eyes were dry now.

"What are you doing out here; it's freezing?" His voice was full of concern and he offered his hand to pull her up from the bench, but she'd lowered her head to study her feet again and didn't see it.

"Needed to get some air," she replied, sniffling a little.

"You ready to get out of here?" He tilted his head to the side a little, trying to catch her eyes again.

"You have no idea," she replied, looking up at him briefly and allowing him to pull her to a standing position now. Her hand felt like a chunk of ice in his much warmer one.

"Liv?" he started, but trailed off when she turned away and headed for the car. But he wouldn't let go of her hand, determined to elicit some form of response from her.

"I'm fine, El," she claimed weakly, trying to pull from his grasp, but was stopped in her tracks by his firm hold of her hand. That was her usual line in these situations and she refused to meet his gaze, but she stopped fighting him. She looked at her ice-crusted shoes once more.

He sighed and started pulling her back toward him. "Like hell you are," he called her upon the obvious lie, signaling that he had no intention of letting her get away with it. He cupped her cheek lightly with his free hand, pulling her face back up to meet his, wanting to see her eyes. Her heartbroken expression as she looked up again, the tiredness and defeat in her eyes combined with her hunched shoulders and the dried tear tracks on her cheeks didn't fail to affect him deeply and he did the only thing that felt right.

"Come here." He opened his arms and pulled her into a warm and comforting hug, not intending to let her go if she fought him. But she didn't.

Her arms wrapped around him instinctively and it took her a moment, but she closed her eyes, let her head fall down to his shoulder, and allowed his presence to calm her down. She felt the tension leave her body as Elliot started rubbing a hand up and down her back while he rocked her very gently and she heard him whisper soothingly into her hair, "It's okay, I'm here now." She felt the warmth of his breath against her skin and it sent tingles down her spine as his voice hugged her soul. She was surrounded by him and for a moment it was as if the world had stopped. All she was aware of was the scent of his woolen coat, his cologne, him. The way his muscular chest felt as he pulled her even closer; the way his strong arms held her, kept her from falling. His two day stubble scratched her forehead lightly where it rested against his jaw. And she felt the iron hand that had squeezed her heart for the past hours let go a little as she drew in a deep and ragged breath. She wanted to stay right here in his arms forever, to feel that safe and secure just a little longer. But they had work to do.

As she slowly started to pull away, Elliot was not quite ready to let her go and kept his hands on her arms while he looked into her eyes. He could see the pain was still there, but defeat had been replaced by the glint of determination that he was used to seeing in them.

"Come on, I've got Carson back at the house," he said as he turned towards the car. He turned her with him and kept a firm hand at the small of her back while she started filling him in on what Amanda had told her.

_*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*_

"Spill it, Carson, I want the name of the man you sold your step-daughter to," Olivia slammed both her hands down on the table in front of the sorry excuse of a man sitting in the opposite chair. He flinched and leaned back as far as possible. Two hours had passed and so far he had not been forthcoming.

"I didn't sell anyone," he exclaimed for what felt like the hundredth time. He was scratching his nose in a disgusting way before he proceeded to his left ear, digging into it with his index finger. Olivia felt her stomach turn at that display of 'personal hygiene'.

"Well, I know you did nothing to stop the man who took her. So there must have been something in it for you, right?" she continued questioning him, unable to keep the frustration from her voice.

A knock on the two-way drew her attention away from her target and she rose slowly from her chair, never breaking eye contact with him. Elliot, who had been standing in a corner silently; watching his partner have a go at the man, opened the door and stepped out first; she followed him closely.

Cragen was standing outside; his clothes were slightly rumpled and he looked exhausted. "You two haven't been home like I told you, have you?" he asked, raising his eyebrows at them.

"Well, I notice you're still wearing the same suit as yesterday, too," Elliot stated matter of factly with his hands on his hips.

Cragen sighed in return. "I'm still trying to figure out that mess in Alaska; no sign of our pedophile so far. Fin is starting to think the man is in the wind." He rubbed a hand down his face and leaned back against the two-way.

"You're not getting anywhere with him, are you?" he inquired, nodding his head in the general direction of the interrogation room.

"Not really, no," Olivia replied, her voice filled with anger as she started pacing, "Amanda told me he watched when the stranger took her from her house; tied up and gagged, so he must have been in on it. We just don't know how deeply he was involved,"

"I'll have a go at him," Cragen offered and Olivia's and Elliot's faces looked equally surprised. "I know how to interrogate a suspect, I've been doing this longer than you two," he exclaimed, a little offended.

"I don't doubt it," Elliot replied quickly, lifting a hand in defense. "Be our guest. I'm just surprised you'd want to."

"Well I don't," Cragen shot back and watched as his two detectives now wore a look of puzzlement. "Jenkins case; ring a bell?"

Elliot groaned and started turning away. Paperwork … just great.

Olivia followed him wordlessly, leaving their Captain alone with Carson for now.

_*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*_

"Elliot," she called after him, as he was already striding over to his desk. The squad room was almost empty again; only a very few officers worked as long of hours as they usually did and the night shift was hanging out downstairs. "Go ahead and grab a few in the cribs; I'll get the case files in order," she said, eyeing the mess he had left on his desk this morning with a mixture of exasperation and amusement.

"I can't ask you to do that; it will take hours." His eyes met hers as he tugged on his tie to loosen the offending piece of garment.

"Good thing you're not asking then," she said and smiled at him. "Go on, give me your phone and get lost."

"We still have a lot of ground to cover on _this_ case; Donnelly left a message. She got the names of the two guys who were with her daughter when she found Amanda. We need to track them down," he kept protesting as he tried to walk over to the coffee pot.

"We won't go question them now, El. It's almost midnight." Olivia stepped in front of him to cut off his way and dropped her voice to a whisper. "Do you need me to carry you upstairs, because I will?" she smirked as she threw his earlier words back at him.

"Will you?" he smiled back at her as he folded his arms in front of his chest. "I'd like that."

She slapped his arm with surprising strength.

"Ow, what was that for?" he cried, theatrically rubbing his arm and feigning to be hurt.

"For being a jerk, now stop the drama queen act and move your ass into bed. I'll come get you in a few." She grabbed the arm she was still holding and shoved him to the stairs.


	8. Chapter 7

_She slapped his arm with surprising strength. _

"_Ow, what was that for?" he cried, theatrically rubbing his arm and feigning to be hurt. _

"_For being a jerk, now stop the drama queen act and move your ass into bed. I'll come get you in a few." She grabbed the arm she was still holding and shoved him to the stairs._

__*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*_  
><em>

Two hours later Captain Cragen dropped a yellow sheet of paper on Olivia's desk. On it was nothing but a name – Jake Donahue.

"How...?" Olivia didn't get to ask, the Captain had not stopped walking to his office. He waved a hand in a dismissive gesture without even looking back as the door closed. She saw him pull out the bed he had in the room's corner before he drew the blinds shut.

She quickly finished with the last files on the Jenkins case before logging onto her computer. There were three Jake Donahues registered in New York, and only one DMV picture matched Amanda's description. She pulled up his address, registered vehicles and everything else there was to be had. No rap sheet. Next she pulled up the two names Donnelly had left for them. They'd track the two boys down to get their statements, even though it was likely going to be a huge waste of time. Then she checked the missing persons database for all girls between eight and twelve and tried matching them to Amanda's description. She came up with 24 possible matches for four of the five girls; no match on the Asian girl. The only direct hit was to Melissa Gordon, missing for a little over two years, dark hair and from Brooklyn. She dropped an email to the lead detective on Melissa's case; requesting a copy of the girl's file. She also printed a complete list of the other 23 girls including pictures. She hated the thought of it, but if they couldn't track down Jake Donahue very soon, she would have to go back to Amanda and let her have a look at the pictures.

Running out of things to do, she glanced at her watch. It was ten past three. Elliot had been in the cribs since midnight. Should she wake him already? She'd have to, busting down Donahue's door by herself was not a very smart idea and that was definitely the top of the to do list. As well as the only thing they could actually do in the middle of the night. She stuffed printouts of everything she had gathered into a file folder, made a quick call to put an APB on Donahue's car, and rose from her chair. Then she was greeted with Elliot's smile as she turned around. He had showered and shaved and had gotten rid of the suit and tie in favor of jeans and a navy blue sweater that really brought out the color of his eyes. She knew that sweater well; she'd picked it out for him as a Christmas present three years ago. He kept it in his locker to change into when they were doing long nights.

"Hey." She returned his smile, a little embarrassed that she had caught herself staring at Elliot. Not like she had no right to notice he was gorgeous, but one should assume she'd get used to that fact one day.

"I was just about to get you. The Captain cracked our friend back there." She motioned towards the interrogation rooms and handed him his phone and the file she had put together. She grabbed her jacket while he leafed through the pages and then she threw his coat over to him. He caught it easily and followed her out the door, struggling into it with the file still in his hand. She lifted an eyebrow at his acrobatic display and wordlessly took the file back so he could finish dressing while they were still waiting for the elevator.

Olivia got behind the wheel while Elliot returned to studying the file and the notes she had taken after her interview with Amanda. They drove all the way out to Queens where they called in for a couple of uniforms as backup shortly before their arrival. The house at the address was in need of renovation, but showed signs of recent habitation. The windows were all dark, but that wasn't surprising considering the hour. The younger uniform went around to cover the backdoor; while Olivia, Elliot and the other officer made their way up the creaky wooden stairs.

Elliot knocked on the door in a way that ensured he would be heard inside. "Police, open up," he yelled. The house stayed silent. Olivia kept a close eye on the windows, trying to catch a moving curtain or any other sign of life, but nothing indicated that their suspect was home. After the third round of banging on the front door, Elliot gave it a good kick and it immediately gave way. All three officers drew their weapons and entered carefully. Olivia was up front with Elliot right behind her as they moved stealthily through the ground floor of the house. They found no trace of Donahue and proceeded upstairs; while the two uniforms moved on to the basement.

"Detectives," a call came from downstairs a few minutes later after they had given the all clear on the upstairs rooms. They had started looking around for clues on where to find Donahue when the officer added. "I think you should come down here."

Elliot came down the stairs first and found the younger officer, who had been covering the backdoor earlier, bent over and puking in the hall. The other one was pale, but composed. He motioned to the basement door. "Second door on the right," he said giving directions, but didn't follow them back down, opting to stay with his partner instead.

The two detectives moved down the stairs slowly as their senses where assaulted by an overwhelming stench. They knew that smell all too well, somebody had died down there and not too recently. Olivia covered her mouth and nose with the end of her scarf while Elliot used his sleeve. The sight that greeted them in the room the officer had pointed out was grueling. The half-decayed body of a child was sprawled on the floor; there were no indications that anyone had tried to hide it, or even cover it up. The body had just been left in the middle of the room and the door had been closed behind it; that was all the effort Donahue had made.

Olivia backed out of the room, unable to bear the smell for long. Elliot followed her and closed the door again before they rushed up the stairs. The other two officers had moved from the house and were sitting on the front steps. The older one was still keeping a close eye on his rookie partner, but he seemed okay for now.

Olivia had gulped in a few breaths of fresh air and was now reaching for the radio on her belt. "SVU portable to central reporting a dead body, we need the M.E. and a CSU team," she said and then added the address. She turned to Elliot, really looking at him for the first time since they had entered the house. "Wanna bet that we just found our Chinese girl?"

_*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*_

Half an hour later they saw Dr. Warner pull up in front of the house. She stifled a yawn before she got out of the car and grabbed her case.

"What a wonderful night to find a body;" Melinda commented dryly, it had started snowing again. She hated the winter and the cold with a passion and usually tried to send one of her co-workers out when the temperature dropped this low. Unfortunately she hadn't found a willing target tonight. "What have you got?"

"We think it's a young girl, but it's really hard to tell," Elliot filled her in. "Basement, second door on the right. Put on a mask," he added, before his attention was drawn away by the arrival of the CSU team.

"Oh joy," Melinda groaned a little. The night was getting better by the minute. "Are you not coming?" She addressed Olivia now, who stood motionless while Elliot had started walking down the stairs to brief the CSU team.

"I think I'll pass," Olivia replied apologetically. Her stomach was still not done turning and the thought alone of going back in there made it turn a little faster.

"That bad, huh?" Melinda asked as her face fell a little, already not looking forward to this. Dead kids were never a good thing, but the fact that two seasoned detectives were reluctant to follow her to get her first verdict told her that this was going to be especially unpleasant.

"Mind your step, the officer who discovered the body spilled his guts by the basement door," Olivia called after Melinda and couldn't quite make out any words in the grumble she received in return.

Two hours later, CSU was still only getting started on turning the place upside down, but the two detectives had seen enough. Melinda had left with the body half an hour ago and Olivia had followed her outside to get a preliminary assessment.

Elliot noticed how his partner hadn't returned to the house, and gave up on trying to find anything useful among Donahue's papers in order to go search for her. He didn't have to go far; she was on the porch, with her back leaning against the railing. It had stopped snowing and the sky was clear now, which also meant that it had gotten a lot colder.

"You okay?" he asked, noticing how she was hugging herself.

"Yeah, I'm just a little cold. I didn't..." She motioned toward the door, "I came out here and the air was so nice and fresh; I couldn't make myself go back in." She pushed herself off the railing and searched his face. "Find anything helpful in there?"

"No, not yet," he answered and started walking to their car. "You know, if you plan on making it a habit to wait for me outside, you should really dress warmer."

"Well, when I last left my apartment temps weren't below freezing," she grunted. "Warner says it's a girl, most likely Asian and she's been dead about four months. Couldn't pinpoint COD out here, but she'll start the autopsy right away." Olivia steered the conversation back to work.

Elliot checked his watch, nearly seven o'clock, which meant they could try and catch the two kids who had been with the judge's daughter when Amanda was found. They'd be off to school soon.

"Where to?" Olivia asked after getting into the driver's side and he gave her the address for the first kid.

_*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*_

Jason Cleavy wasn't much help, as they both had suspected. He was just an average high school kid who was scared to death that his parents would find out he had tried to get high. He was not an addict, more like a first timer. He claimed not to know the third guy; he had been invited by Tamara Donnelly and tagged along because he had a crush on her. He also hadn't heard or seen anything useful, just hauled his ass out of dodge as soon as he saw the seemingly dead child for fear of being found out.

Number two was a different story. They didn't find him at school, but after a few convincing arguments, they got his favorite hang-out from one of his buddies. As they made their way over to the run down playground with the broken swing set they could already tell from afar that this wasn't going to be as simple as questioning Jason. Raul Ramirez and a bunch of his cronies were hanging out in the bright early morning sun. Olivia and Elliot apprehensively approached the group, ready to charge in case Ramirez started running. And run he did.

Ramirez hadn't even waited for them to flash their badges; he'd taken one look and dashed away as his friends scattered in different directions in a similar fashion. Elliot started after him, groaning inwardly. His knees were already killing him. He sensed more than he saw that Olivia was right behind him and he knew she would be turning off to the right in a few steps to take a shortcut. Experience had taught them that the runners almost never dared to cross a larger intersection for fear of either being held up by traffic or even hit by a car, which meant Ramirez had to turn right at the end of the block. Olivia was now making her way through a series of small back alleys that would ideally allow her to overtake him.

Elliot saw Ramirez reach the intersection and felt a jolt of satisfaction as he saw him turn right. '_One down,_' he thought. When he rounded the corner himself, he had barely made any progress in closing up the gap; the kid was really fast. He'd never catch him like this.

Olivia was dashing through the shadowy alley at a maddening speed, dodging garbage containers left and right. Last night's snow was deeper here than out on the main roads. It slowed her down, but she was getting closer to the end now. She could already see the much brighter street. Her breathing was even and deep, she was in great shape and had found a good rhythm. Just as she was two steps away from exiting the alley, she saw their suspect passing her. She sped up just a little more; reaching for his jacket, but he saw her coming and tried to sidestep her. Olivia had to lunge even further, but she did get a hold of him. Their combined speed and momentum brought them down forcefully and Olivia felt something pop in her back as they impacted on the pavement. Ignoring it for the moment, she quickly grabbed the kid's arms and brought her left knee up to the small of his back, effectively pinning him to the ground.

"Nice tackle," she heard her partner quip as he came up behind her, panting. He reached down and together they lifted Ramirez from the ground and shoved him up against the brick wall. Elliot didn't fail to notice her sharp hiss and caught her screwing her face up in pain just before she let go of their prisoner and turned away, massaging the right side of her back.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," she replied still short of breath. She bent forward a little in an attempt to stretch out the kink. "Just getting too old for this," she said. Her back felt like someone had stabbed a knife into the muscle. It was a sharp and intense burning pain, and she only half-registered how Elliot started searching the kid for weapons.

Elliot was not surprised to find a significant amount of drugs and an illegal knife on him and he collared him for possession with intent to distribute without further ado. He was acutely aware how Olivia was still digging the fingers of her right hand into the small of her back and he was pissed that Ramirez had made them chase him. He was definitely not in the mood to play games with a kiddy drug dealer; they would just bring him in and question him back at the house.

Olivia handed him the keys after they'd walked back to the car and stuffed Ramirez in the backseat. "I think you better drive," she said and Elliot just turned away and shook his head after a long look at her. No use getting into it with her here; he'd save that for later when they were back at the station.

The drive was short as their pursuit had taken them nearly back to the precinct. Elliot pulled up in the parking lot and turned off the engine before he looked over at Olivia; who was unclasping her seatbelt stiffly.

"Need a hand?" he asked, smirking only a little as he was genuinely worried, but wanted to play it down as teasing. The dirty look she shot in his direction told him that neither sentiment was welcome. He got out and watched her struggle from her seat, moving very carefully.

"Ow, damn it," she muttered, frustrated as another shooting pain went up her back. Her right leg was tingling slightly. "Don't touch me," she snapped at him as he moved around the front of the car to help her. She was angry; angry at Ramirez for causing this, angry at her body for betraying her, and most of all angry at Elliot for hovering. He raised both hands in defense and silently went to get their prisoner out.

They rode up to the squad room and Elliot didn't say another word as he shoved Ramirez past both of their desks and on to the interrogation rooms while Olivia lowered herself into her chair. Sitting didn't feel any better, but if she kept very still she could almost pretend the pain was gone. Almost that is. She wouldn't move another inch if she could help it, Elliot could handle the interview by himself.


	9. Chapter 8

Hi guys!

First of all, thank you for your reviews, love them!

You'll get a new chapter today already because I wanted to include Mariska's letter in which she asks for your help. It's easy, it's simple and it will help a great deal of people. Please consider voting and ask others to vote too.

_Hello Friends, _

_I'm hoping that you will help me with an important initiative. As some of you may know, I started the Joyful Heart Foundation in 2004. Joyful Heart's mission is to heal, educate and empower survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse, and to shed light into the darkness that surrounds these issues. _

_Since its inception, Joyful Heart has directly served over 5,000 individuals through our healing and wellness programs, tens of thousands have received life-saving information through our website, and our public awareness and advocacy campaigns have reached tens of millions. _

_During the past month, we have been competing in the Chase Community Giving contest. In the first round of voting, Joyful Heart finished in 6th place (out of thousands) and received a $25,000 grant. We're now in the second round of voting – and we have the chance to win $500,000 for our "BIG IDEA" project._

_**What exactly is our BIG IDEA? **_

_Joyful Heart has embarked on a campaign to end the backlog of untested rapes kits in the United States. There are over 200,000 untested kits across the United States. Our BIG IDEA is to use the $500,000 towards ending the backlog. To do this we will: _

_Expand (the only site that is exclusively dedicated to raising awareness about this issue) __Publish the first-ever detailed account of how one city, Los Angeles, responded to its backlog __Partner with Detroit to help end their backlog of 10,000+ rape kits __Create victim-centered best practices that can be implemented nationwide _

_**In order to win, we need your help! Please:**_

_1. Visit .com/ChaseCommunityGiving and click **LIKE**. _

_2. Browse to .com/votejoy. Vote for Joyful Heart by giving access to the Chase Community Giving application and clicking the **VOTE NOW/VOTE & SHARE** button. _

_3. Forward this message to your friends, family, coworkers and other networks and let them know how easy it is to support Joyful Heart. Visit .org/chase for sample letters and other ideas on spreading the word. _

_Voting is underway and runs through today, Wednesday, May 25th at midnight. With your support, we will win. We'll also raise critical awareness about the rape kit backlog in the United States. _

_**Thank you so much for your support.** _

_xo, _

_Mariska_

And now on to the story :-))_  
><em>

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><p><em>They rode up to the squad room and Elliot didn't say another word as he shoved Ramirez past both of their desks and on to the interrogation rooms while Olivia lowered herself into her chair. Sitting didn't feel any better, but if she kept very still she could almost pretend the pain was gone. Almost that is. She wouldn't move another inch if she could help it, Elliot could handle the interview by himself. <em>

Someone had dropped a thick file on her desk and as she opened it, the picture of a smiling, dark haired girl greeted her. It was Melissa Gordon's file from missing persons. She browsed through it; noting that the detectives working her case had put in quite an effort, but had sadly discovered nothing useful. They'd followed up on hundreds of leads that had come through the hotlines, had tracked down virtually every person who had ever met Melissa, but had eventually given up, believing she was lost, or worse – dead.

Olivia discovered that the manner of kidnap differed greatly from Amanda's case. Melissa still had both her parents and had been snatched from choir practice at the church when she was nine, which was nearly two years ago. '_Quite gutsy to take a young child from a church,_' she thought. Melissa had excused herself to go use the bathroom and had never returned. The bathroom window had later been discovered open but not smashed in. As expected there were no security cameras anywhere in the church, least of all in the restrooms. Nobody had seen anything, not a person lurking around, not a strange car, nothing. This had happened in broad daylight in the middle of Brooklyn and nobody had seen how a young girl was dragged from her life. Only much later sightings were on file, but the investigating detectives suspected they had all been false. At least nothing had come from it.

This was frustrating; Jake Donahue seemed as smart as they came. He didn't leave a trail, he didn't take unnecessary risks. Why then had he suddenly abandoned his house with the dead body of one of his victims in the basement? Why had he ditched Amanda in yet another basement; where she could be found? Had he gotten rid of the other girls as well, or were they still his captives back at the illusive circular room? These were all questions to which she had no answers, but planned on getting them as soon as possible.

Cragen approached her desk. Still lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice him until he was right in front of her, talking to her.

"Olivia?" he asked in a manner that told her he had probably been talking for a while already. "Are you in there?"

She shook her head lightly, trying to focus. "Sorry, zoned for a moment I guess," she apologized. "What did you say?"

"I said 'How is it you two discover a body and I don't hear about it?'" Cragen repeated his earlier question. He was not sure how to place her behavior. Never mind the fact that she and Elliot hadn't called him, or that the way she was acting right now was anything like what he was used to.

"Sorry Cap," Olivia was apologizing once again. "I guess we got a little distracted; we didn't go there expecting to find a half-decomposed body and one of the uniforms nearly passed out on us. It was just a little crazy." She knew she was exaggerating and suspected he knew that too.

"I can't have you two going rogue on me; don't keep me out of the loop," he chided her.

"No Cap, I promise it won't happen again," she replied. They hadn't meant to do that; she had completely forgotten to call Cragen between everything that had happened and she thought Elliot must have too. Not surprising either, considering how full their heads were right now.

"Any progress on the case?" Cragen asked, deciding to let it go for now.

"Well, we most likely found one of the girls who was held captive together with Amanda dead in the basement and Donahue is in the wind," she started to explain, "the house looked as if he had abandoned it a few days ago, the orange juice in the fridge was still good, the milk wasn't. I have an APB on his car and flagged all his credit cards. But there hasn't been any activity on either one of them for years, so I'd be surprised if he starts using them now. We talked to one of the boys who were with Tamara Donelly when she found Amanda, nothing. Elliot's got the other one back in interrogation; we found drugs on him and brought him with us."

"Good, any idea who the other kidnapped girls are?" he inquired further, satisfied with the progress the two were making.

"I printed out all possible matches from missing persons last night," Olivia replied, looking around her desk for the file she had put together. She knew Elliot had brought it back up with them from the car, but where had he dropped it? "The only direct hit I got in the database was for Melissa Gordon," she continued, handing over Melissa's file and finally spotting the one with all the other pictures on Elliot's desk. She got up from her chair slowly and reached over to retrieve it when once again pain shot through her. Her right hand went to her back and she dropped down into her chair with a hiss and a small groan.

Cragen looked at her strangely. "Are you alright?" he asked as he walked over to Elliot's desk himself to pick up the file.

"She needs to get a stuntwoman to fill in for her when we're chasing a perp next time," Elliot replied as he came walking back to the squad room, having gotten all the info he needed from Ramirez who suddenly was cooperative enough with charges hanging over his head. Not that it made his statement any more valuable; he had added nothing to the case they didn't already know.

"I wouldn't need to tackle them if you would run a little faster," she shot back good-naturedly.

"Is this going to be a problem?" Cragen asked, choosing to ignore their banter as he motioned towards Olivia's back, which, he noticed, she was still holding.

"No," Olivia replied a little too quickly. "I'm good."

"Well I trust you will take care of it once it becomes one," Cragen looked at her sternly. He knew these two usually looked out for each other and he hardly ever had to interfere and bench one for medical reasons, but he also knew that Olivia had a tendency to push herself too hard. She was however saved from a reply when her phone rang. She picked up after the first ring.

"Benson"

Elliot and Cragen both watched her nod at the caller a few times. "Okay we'll be over right away," she spoke into the receiver and then turned her attention to Elliot as she was ending the call. "Warner wants us."

*-*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*-*

"She died from exsanguination," Melinda Warner stated matter of factly as she walked over to the table with the girl's decomposing body on it. "And not in that house, there wasn't enough blood anywhere." They were in the last autopsy suite all the way in the back of the morgue. The one with special ventilation reserved for the decomposed, the floaters, and everyone else who gave off a horrific stench. Even so, the smell was still awful.

"Can you tell what happened to her?" Olivia asked as she slowly followed Melinda to take a closer look at the body.

"I found no stab wounds, gunshot wounds or any other exterior wounds on her," the M.E. continued.

"So she bled out internally?"

"Yes," Melinda answered as she motioned towards the girl's lower abdomen. "I found a large tear in her vaginal wall. I'd say he penetrated her too forcefully; I found no trace evidence pointing towards a foreign object. Most likely he used his own 'weapon'," she explained, her voice laced with disgust. Emotional detachment was difficult on any of the SVU cases, but this one hit just a little harder than the average.

Olivia closed her eyes for a moment, trying to digest the information. Elliot was standing a bit further away from the table, watching his partner as much as listening to what the M.E. had to say.

"Was she pregnant or did you find anything to indicate she had been?" he asked.

"No, but I'll test her hormone levels. If she received any fertility treatment or was recently pregnant it'll still show up."

"I also did a rape kit," Melinda said as she covered the body with a sheet and started walking back out of the suite. Olivia and Elliot followed her gladly, ready to leave the awful smell in that room behind. She led them into her office and moved the computer mouse on her desk to get the machine to wake up from standby .

"I found sperm inside her," Melinda motioned to the multi-colored diagram that now appeared on the screen. "Find your suspect and I'll match his DNA to this."

Olivia nodded. "Anything else?"

"I also found fibers in her hair. The lab is analyzing them, but if you ask me they are from a mattress," Melinda watched Olivia as the other woman was walking stiffly over to the file cabinet where she kept her autopsy reports and leaned on it. "What happened to your back?" she asked.

Olivia raised her eyebrows at the doctor. "What?"

"You're limping, I'm a doctor, and I can see it's coming from your back." Melinda stated with one hand on her hip while her eyes searched Olivia's face.

"Age is what happened to me," was the only response the detective was willing to give as she was trying to wave it off.

"Age caught up with you in the time between this morning and now?" it was Melinda's turn to raise an eyebrow. Elliot was watching the exchange silently, glad that somebody else had brought up the subject.

"In a manner of speaking," Olivia replied reluctantly. "I got too old to tackle perps; I think I pulled a muscle or something."

"Want me to take a look?"

"I'm not dead, Melinda!"

"And I went to medical school just like every other doctor in this country," Melinda shot back. "Come on, just take off the jacket, I promise not to do a y-incision."

Olivia rolled her eyes at the coroner, but gingerly moved to take off her jacket and scarf. Melinda walked over and motioned for Olivia to turn around.

"Your right leg feels numb?" It was more of a statement than a question. She took hold of Olivia's hip with her left hand and slipped her right under the hem of the other woman's shirt. She ran it carefully up and down Olivia's spine, touching her only very lightly.

"Yes, a little," Olivia confirmed. Because she had turned around she was now looking straight at Elliot, who did a bad job of hiding his exasperation that she would keep something like that to herself.

"Bend over a little," Melinda instructed and concentrated more on the muscles left and right of the spine now. The right side was hard as stone, making it difficult to really palpate the spine in Olivia's lower back.

"What's the verdict?" Olivia asked. "Will you have to shoot me?"

"Not yet. You just threw out a vertebra; it's putting pressure on the nerves, which causes the numbness and tingling in your leg," Melinda said as she motioned for Elliot to come closer. "El, take her hands."

"What are you...," Olivia started to come up from her bent over position, but Melinda held her down, gently but firmly.

"I'm just putting everything back where it belongs. It won't hurt, don't worry." Melinda looked at Elliot again. "Just take her hands and don't let go," she instructed and when he had, she pulled Olivia back a few inches by her hips to really stretch her out. She was now standing bend forward at nearly ninety degrees with her arms above her head, her feet almost level with her head. Melinda kept pulling backwards, tilting her pelvis down.

Elliot held on to her hands and momentarily Olivia felt like between the two pulling her in opposite directions, she was surely going to grow another inch or two. Then there was another popping sensation in her lower back, much like the one this morning when she had tackled Raul Ramirez. She groaned a little, but as Melinda had promised, it didn't really hurt. Melinda slowly let go and ran a hand down Olivia's spine once more.

"See, all straightened out now," she said and Elliot let go of his partner's hands as Olivia slowly righted herself again.

"Your spine is set, but you still pulled that muscle," Melinda explained, touching her fingers gently against the right side of Olivia's back again. "You'll be sore for a while; I recommend a hot bath and a massage."

"I don't even have a bathtub," Olivia replied as she put her jacket back on, still moving carefully. "Or anyone to rub my back for that matter," she added dryly.

"Just keep it warm then; it'll heal eventually, just takes time."

"Thanks, Melinda." Olivia gave her friend a small but grateful smile. The tingling in her leg had already stopped and she did feel like she could move more freely.

"That was fun, I don't get a lot of patients with a pulse in here," Melinda grinned. "We have to do that again some time."

"Let's not," Elliot groaned on his way out while Olivia was still busy tying her scarf back around her neck.

"He cares about you," Melinda said when Elliot had left. Olivia stopped fighting the scarf and her head shot up. She met the M.E.'s eyes as Melinda added with a gentle smile "A lot."

Olivia felt her cheeks grow warm. Was she really blushing? Did grown women blush? She found herself unable to look away as Melinda held her gaze. "I know," she whispered in return. The feeling was very mutual, but she wasn't quite ready to admit that out loud.

"Thanks again, I really appreciate it," she said as she reached out to squeeze Melinda's arm lightly, but her back was protesting at the sudden shift again. "God, I guess I just have to resign myself to feeling ancient," she exclaimed as her hand went to the small of her back, again massaging the tense muscle as she turned around and followed Elliot to the car.

He noticed how she got in a little easier already; he'd have to thank Melinda himself later. "We need to stop by the lab before we go back to the house. CSU finished at the crime scene; they have a whole bunch of papers for us to sift through."

"Okay."

Elliot still didn't turn the ignition and she looked over at him questioningly.

"Next time you start to lose feeling in your legs, you tell me about it," he said, looking straight ahead at the steering wheel. He seemed upset.

"I did not start to lose feeling anywhere." She denied it. "It was just tingling like it fell asleep."

"Yeah," he turned the keys now, starting the car. "You could have had a serious spinal injury."

She sighed. "But I didn't. Trust me to know my own body, El, I didn't …."

"Liv?" He cut her off and turned towards her now, still not pulling out of the parking lot. "Just promise to tell me next time. I'm your partner, I need to know if you're hurt." His eyes were boring into her with an intensity that she seldom saw in them. He was dead serious.

"I promise," she said, her voice low. Melinda was right; he really did care a lot, not that she hadn't known deep down, but there was just something about hearing it said out loud by a third party that made it frighteningly real. Elliot seemed to be satisfied now; he returned his attention back to the car and started driving off towards the lab.


	10. Chapter 9

New chapter today, even though I'm honestly a little crushed (*lol*) at the news of Chris leaving the show.

As always, thank you so much for taking the time to review :-)

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><p>"<em>Liv?" He cut her off and turned towards her now, still not pulling out of the parking lot. "Just promise to tell me next time. I'm your partner, I need to know if you're hurt." His eyes were boring into her with an intensity that she seldom saw in them. He was dead serious. <em>

"_I promise," she said, her voice low. Melinda was right; he really did care a lot, not that she hadn't known deep down, but there was just something about hearing it said out loud by a third party that made it frighteningly real. Elliot seemed to be satisfied now; he returned his attention back to the car and started driving off towards the lab. _

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It was shortly after noon when they returned, Elliot was carrying two large boxes filled with papers, as he'd refused to let Olivia carry even one of them. So all she brought upstairs were two small containers of Chinese takeout and two steaming cups of coffee. They split up the work and the food, settled at their respective desks and got started on the papers while having lunch.

Two hours later, the words started to blur together in front of Olivia's eyes. She had accomplished nothing other than learning a few tedious details about Jake Donahue that got them nowhere near closer to solving the case. He paid his bills on time, bought nothing unusual or noteworthy, didn't go out much and got his groceries at the same supermarket close to his house, always paying with cash. She shifted in her chair for the thousandth time, trying in vain to get comfortable.

"This is useless," she groaned, throwing the last few receipts back into the box on the floor.

Elliot, who was leaning back in his chair with his feet at the edge of the desk, looked over the rim of the stack of papers he was reading and saw her rise from her chair, roll her neck, and stretch like a cat as she stifled a yawn.

"What?" she asked as she found him staring at her.

"Nothing helpful over here either," he replied, quickly looking away, embarrassed that she had caught him enjoying the view. After a few seconds he added "I think it's time we show Amanda the pictures from missing persons." He returned his gaze to her, watching her again, but for a totally different reason.

"You mean _I _have to show the pictures to her," Olivia stated, clearly not happy about it, but at the same time knowing that it was inevitable. "I'll call the hospital," she sighed resignedly as she reached for the phone, "I'll see how she's doing, and if she's awake."

Elliot dropped his feet to the floor and slowly rose from his chair, stuffing the rest of the papers he had been reading into his box. He proceeded to carry both of the boxes down to evidence while she made the call. When he returned ten minutes later, Olivia was already dressed and ready to go.

It took them ridiculously long to reach Mercy; they'd been forced to take a detour to avoid a huge pile-up close to Central park, and had ended up in yet another traffic jam. When Olivia entered the room Amanda had been in the day before, she found the girl's bed empty. Her heart plummeted for a second as she feared the worst. She heard footsteps behind her, turned around and saw Rebecca approaching her.

"I'm sorry, Detective, we had to take her into surgery half an hour ago," Rebecca apologized.

"What happened?" Olivia asked not quite as calm as she would have liked, but relieved to hear she was alive for now.

"She started having contractions again, so the doctors decided it would be too dangerous to wait any longer with the termination of the pregnancy," the nurse explained. "We already called the M.E.'s office, someone will be over to pick up the baby's body later."

Olivia swallowed hard. She was so worried about the girl she had become quite fond of. "Is she strong enough for this?" she asked the question she wasn't quite sure she wanted to hear the answer to.

Rebecca looked her straight in the eyes when she replied, something they probably taught all medical personnel, the same way they taught it at the police academy. When delivering bad news, always meet your opposite's eyes. "She's got a 50 percent chance," Rebecca said and Olivia felt a sting in her heart and dropped her gaze, trying to hide her pain. "But she is a fighter and she actually _wants_ to live, that often counts more than anything else," Rebecca added, trying to reassure the officer in front of her.

Olivia nodded slightly and looked up again. "Will you call me, no matter what the outcome?" she asked as she retrieved a business card from her pocket and moved over to the doorframe to scribble her cell number on the back.

"I will," Rebecca promised, pocketing the card. "She'll be fine, I have a good feeling about her, and I'm hardly ever wrong," she said with a smile.

Olivia nodded, but left the room without another word, startling Elliot who was skimming through a magazine on the sofa in the waiting area.

"Hey," he greeted her. "That was quick," he said and then he noticed the look on her face. "What's wrong?"

"They had to go ahead and terminate the pregnancy now, she started having contractions again." Olivia walked past him, making it clear that she wasn't going to stay here and wait around. Elliot rose quickly and threw the magazine back on the small table to follow her.

"Guess that means we're not talking to her today," he sighed, but was totally unprepared for the answer he received in return.

"We may not be talking to her _ever_," she replied harshly.

Olivia was usually the optimistic one, the one who believed things would work out even if the odds were slim. And she had been right often enough. It was unsettling to watch her loose that faith now, but he decided not to push her. She'd talk to him if she needed to, or at least he hoped she would. She had in the past, but this case was different in so many ways.

By the time they had made it back to the station, it was growing dark again and Olivia was no longer able to stifle her yawns. She was closing in on thirty hours since the last time she'd rested and combined with the little sleep she'd gotten before that, and the emotional strain the case brought on, exhausted was not a big enough word to describe her current state. Elliot wasn't faring much better. They were both dragging their feet when they re-entered the squad room.

Cragen motioned for them to come to his office. "Donahue's car has been spotted by a patrol in Staten Island," he said as he got right down to business even before his two detectives had dropped into the chairs in front of his desk.

Elliot closed his eyes briefly. The last thing he or Olivia needed right now was a nightly stakeout.

Apparently Cragen agreed. "I can't let you two sit on the car all night. You'd fall asleep on me; so I asked for a plain clothes unit from Staten Island to do it to see if Donahue shows up," he continued. "I told them to call as soon as he makes an appearance and tail him until you get there, but not approach."

"Thanks Cap," Elliot replied and Olivia nodded her agreement.

"Where are you with the investigation right now?" Cragen asked and again it was Elliot who spoke while Olivia was barely alert. Her head rested in her hand and her eyes were drooping ever so slightly, both facts didn't elude her Captain. Elliot gave a quick overview on the case and where they stood right now, also mentioning that they were deadlocked unless they could track down Donahue having run every other lead.

"Okay, I want you two to go home for the night, and I mean it," Cragen said sternly. "Go, sleep, be back in the morning for a fresh start," he ordered.

Elliot wasn't going to protest, neither did Olivia. They left Cragen's office and the building quickly, almost as if they were afraid to be called back after all.

*-*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*-*

Olivia had been lost in thought the whole drive, but looked up when the car slowed and came to a halt. She recognized the street; it was the one in front of _his_ building.

"Come on, El," she half-groaned, looking over at him. "I know it's just three blocks, but I was kinda hoping you'd drop me off at my front door." She often walked the short distance to her place from here; it was actually a good way to unwind after work, but today she was certain her legs wouldn't even carry her one block.

"Remember what Warner said?" he asked, but didn't wait for her to answer, "hot bath and a massage. You're welcome to use my tub, soak in the hot water, relax; I'll even throw in a back rub. Or, if you don't want to, I'll drive you home right away."

Olivia studied his face closely, trying to figure out his motives. What she saw puzzled her. He was grinning sheepishly, but that was only superficial, underneath he was very serious, and nervous, almost awkward. Melinda's words were ringing in her ears again. 'He cares about you, a lot.' What did that mean? Was he just doing a friend a favor? Or was there more to it? But she was too damn tired to even wrap her mind around the whole concept, Elliot was her partner and best friend; they were comfortable around each other, close even. And she really did want that bath; her back was on fire, and the long drive to Mercy had done nothing for it.

Elliot mistook the long pause for hesitation. "Say yes, Liv," he pleaded. "You can stay over. I won't kick you out into the cold again."

"A bath sounds wonderful," she finally replied with a small smile to reduce the tension that had suddenly built up inside the car. "But I can't stay over; your couch is horribly short and I just need a real bed tonight."

"You can have the bed," he offered. "Seriously, did you think I'd make you sleep on the couch when your back is already messed up?" He was a little offended she'd even think that.

"You're taller than me, El, I won't make you sleep on that couch either," she replied and looked away, surprised to find that _she_ was the one feeling awkward now and quite unable to meet his eyes as she made the next suggestion. "We could share the bed, you know. We've done that before, and it's large we wouldn't even bump into each other." She was staring out of the front window, but she felt his eyes on her face. "It wouldn't be strange. Would it?" She looked at him again, trying to confirm with him that he would be okay with that, that _they_ would be okay with that.

"It's what I had in mind actually," he replied gently, putting her a little more at ease.

"Okay then, you've got yourself a deal. Or rather, an overnight guest." She chuckled, trying to cover up how nervous she felt. This was ridiculous, she'd been at his place countless times, had stayed overnight when they had worked late on a case, and she had fallen asleep on his couch dozens of times. She even kept a set of clothes there to change into for crying out loud. And they had shared a bed before, when a case had taken them out of New York and they found the hotel horribly overbooked. Nothing had happened back then, nothing would happen now.

Olivia got from the car and followed Elliot upstairs. Ten minutes later she was already in the bathroom waiting for the tub to finish filling. Elliot had handed her a shirt and a pair of boxers she could sleep in. He had sworn both were clean, as if she had needed reassurance. There were many things one could say about Elliot Stabler, but he _was_ a gentleman and he _was_ surprisingly neat. His place was always spotless. Courtesy of the Marines he claimed. What also surprised her was that he had scented bubble bath. Supposedly that belonged to one of his daughters who occasionally stayed over on weekends or during the holidays.

When the tub was full she lowered herself into it slowly. The hot water enveloped her body; it was just this side of scalding and it felt wonderful. She could already feel the tension leave her body as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When her apartment had been renovated two years ago and she'd opted to get rid of the way too small bathtub in favor of a large and luxurious shower, she'd been thinking practically. She took showers every day and enjoyed that very much. There was nothing like a long hot shower after work, or a cool one in the morning when she returned from running her usual 5 miles. But she had not been thinking of days like this, when cases ran long and touched your heart more than you should allow them to. There was nothing like a hot bubble bath to soothe body and mind.


	11. Chapter 10

I realize the cliffhanger was a little nasty :-)) So here is the rest of that little massage scene...

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><p><em>When the tub was full she lowered herself into it slowly. The hot water enveloped her body; it was just this side of scalding and it felt wonderful. She could already feel the tension leave her body as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When her apartment had been renovated two years ago and she'd opted to get rid of the way too small bathtub in favor of a large and luxurious shower, she'd been thinking practically. She took showers every day and enjoyed that very much. There was nothing like a long hot shower after work, or a cool one in the morning when she returned from running her usual 5 miles. But she had not been thinking of days like this, when cases ran long and touched your heart more than you should allow them to. There was nothing like a hot bubble bath to soothe body and mind. <em>

Elliot looked up from where he was sitting as he heard her come into the living room a good while later. She looked cute in his clothes, natural even. He pushed himself up from the couch and moved to lead her to the bedroom. "Hospital called," he said, "I hope you don't mind that I answered your phone?"

"No, of course not," she answered, swallowing hard dreading the news.

"Amanda pulled through surgery just fine," Elliot went on, knowing she would be very relieved to hear that. "Barring further complications, she'll be out of the woods soon."

Olivia let out a breath she hadn't noticed she'd been holding. "That's great." She smiled as they reached the bedroom and were now standing in front of his bed. He'd already turned down the covers.

"Lie down," he said and motioned to the right side of his king-sized bed. When she didn't react right away, he took it for uncertainty. "You know, you don't have to take me up on the massage offer, if you'd rather just sleep..."

"No," she interrupted, looking up at him so he would see she really meant it while she tried to keep from fidgeting. "No, I'd like that."

"Good," he smiled. "So lie down. Just tell me if I hurt you. I'll try to be careful." She finally moved to stretch out on the bed, leaving just enough space for him to sit down on the edge beside her. He rubbed his hands together to warm them up a little more before he reached for the hem of her shirt, his shirt – technically.

"May I?" he asked her permission.

"Sure." Her voice was muffled as her face was half-buried in the pillow.

He shoved up the shirt a little, exposing her caramel colored skin. She smelled like vanilla, the scent of Maureen's bubble bath. On Olivia, it was intoxicating.

As she felt Elliot's hands touch the skin on the small of her back, it was like a jolt of electricity that went through her whole body all the way down to her toes and she had to put a lot of conscious effort into staying relaxed despite the wonderful sensation he was causing. She closed her eyes and sighed contentedly when his fingers started exploring slowly, his touch was still feather light and it felt simply amazing. She felt him gently probing, feeling for the more painful spots. She breathed in deeply when his fingers started digging into the tense muscles, first stroking the whole length of her back and then concentrating more on the kinks and knots he found there. She couldn't help it, she moaned, it felt so good. He was great with his hands.

Elliot loved the little noises she was making as he worked on her back. It was really cute, who knew bad-ass Benson could sound like that. Her skin was still hot from her bath, but the right side of her back felt warmer even. The muscle there was very hard and tense; it had to hurt like hell. He carefully worked around the area that felt the worst, not wanting to cause any more pain. He would start at the edges and then move on to the really bad knots.

"You know, if you stop that I'll have to shoot you," she moaned, sounding very at ease and clearly enjoying his gentle treatment. Elliot had no intention of stopping any time soon, he was slowly running his thumbs along her spine now, carefully avoiding the slightly blueish area around the vertebra that Melinda had so skillfully returned where it belonged.

Not even ten minutes after he had started, he felt more than he heard how Olivia's breathing had become more even, and deeper. She'd fallen asleep. That brought a smile to his face, and he was glad she had relaxed so quickly. She'd seemed uncomfortable earlier and that was the last thing he wanted her to feel around him. He continued rubbing her back until the tension in her muscles was gone completely; he had to admit he was enjoying it himself. It would be back in the morning, but with any luck it wouldn't be as bad. Then he tucked her in, and after a quick shower, stretched out next to her, falling into a deep and restful sleep.

When he woke up again, the sun was tickling his nose, which meant it had to be at least eight. He'd slept through the alarm, but he found it didn't bother him. After all those all-nighters, he was entitled to being late once. He opened his eyes and was greeted by the most beautiful sight he could wish for. Olivia was curled up on her side facing him. She was still fast asleep and a small smile played around her lips. The sunlight was glinting in her hair and reflecting off her skin, she looked absolutely gorgeous. He knew his partner was hot; you'd have to be blind not to notice that. But what he saw now had an entirely different quality. She looked so peaceful and relaxed, almost ethereal. He wouldn't mind if he could wake up to that sight every morning.

He carefully got out of bed to avoid disturbing her, picked a few clothes from his dresser and moved to the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind him. When he returned a short time later, she still hadn't moved one inch; so he decided to get a head start on breakfast. Usually he never had breakfast before work. It just wasn't something he did, coffee and maybe orange juice, but nothing else. He knew Olivia was the same, but since they were already late, it didn't matter now, Plus, he just felt like making breakfast for her, and he'd pull out all the stops.

When Olivia entered the living room half an hour later she spotted him working in the kitchen and she padded over to the counter; planting herself on one of the barstools there.

He was wearing a pair of comfortable looking sweat pants and a shirt quite similar to the one he'd given to her, NYPD standard issue.

"Morning." He greeted her with a bright smile.

Olivia tried to return it, but ended up yawning widely instead. Her arms were crossed and resting on the counter, she still felt very sleepy and hadn't even changed out of his clothes yet.

"You're making pancakes?" she asked incredulously a few moments later after watching him work on mixing the batter.

"Don't sound so surprised," he said. "Father of four, I know how to make pancakes. You've eaten them before, remember?"

"That's not what I meant," she replied, trying to stifle another yawn, but failing miserably. "Guess I should have asked 'You're making pancakes _for me_?'" She rubbed her eyes, trying to get rid of the sleepiness.

"You like them," he stated matter of factly.

"I do," she confirmed even though _like_ would not have been her choice of word. She _loved _his pancakes. She'd come over to his place on a Sunday morning last fall because they'd caught a case and found him making breakfast for his kids. It had been a while before they ever made it out of the apartment, somehow she'd gotten stuck eating along with his family. Thinking back to that day she now added, "but it's almost nine and we are running a little late as it is."

"I talked to Cragen," he said as he added the eggs to the mix. "He said it was okay if we came in after lunch, Donahue is a no show for now, and he, I quote, 'doesn't plan on wasting us on this stakeout any time soon'. He wants us to come in and clear up some of the older cases instead, but we also need to see if we can talk to Amanda today."

Olivia nodded slowly, she was glad about not having to sit in a car all day. She dropped her head to her arms and closed her eyes. Despite the straight 12 hours of sleep, she was still tired and wondered if she could go back to bed after breakfast.

Elliot stopped with the batter; it needed to sit for a few minutes anyway. Instead he stepped around the kitchen counter and took the stool right next to her. "You okay?" he asked tentatively.

"Yeah," her voice was muffled by the shirt, "just not very awake yet."

"No kidding," Elliot had to smile a little; that seemed like the understatement of the year. "How's your back?"

"Better than yesterday," she replied.

"But not good." He saw right through her words. She didn't have an answer to that, so Elliot decided to take a risk. He stood up and slipped his hands under her shirt, feeling her tense for the fraction of a second, but then she relaxed again right away. She seemed okay with this so he went on, and started massaging the once again stiffened muscles.

"God, Elliot," she moaned, never lifting her head or opening her eyes. "You have no idea how wonderful that feels." His fingers were digging into her back in a replay of last night and once more she found herself wishing this would never end.

After he'd been working for a while he leaned into her ear. "Better?" he asked in a low voice.

"A lot." She lifted her head and opened her eyes, turning around to smile at him. She suppressed a regretful whimper when his hands slid out from under her shirt, but she took them in hers instead, holding them lightly in her lap. Their eyes were locked on each other irreversibly. "Thanks," she said, absentmindedly tracing the outline of his knuckles with her thumbs. They seemed lost in this most intimate moment for an eternity, but Olivia was the first to snap out of it. She took a deep breath and tilted her head to the side a little. "How about those pancakes?" she asked and smiled as she let go of his hands and watched him move back to the kitchen to finish breakfast.

Olivia didn't even begin to grasp what had just happened. Her emotions seemed all over the place, she was giddy and excited, but at the same time she felt like a nervous wreck and was desperately afraid. Part of her wanted to run out the front door, oblivious to her state of undress. It didn't matter if people looked at her strangely while she roamed the streets in men's underwear; part of her needed to get away badly, get some air, space, time to think. But the other part, which was surprisingly strong, wanted to stay right here and enjoy what was happening, see where it would go.

She'd known Elliot for so long and she knew him so well, she trusted him in every sense of the word. She just wasn't sure if she could trust herself, her own instincts, if she was reading him right. They had connected on a whole new level somehow and she hadn't noticed when exactly it was that they had gotten so close. There was a warm feeling in her heart that hadn't been there before. Elliot had put it there, of that she was certain. But was it mutual? His actions certainly pointed that way, but the risk they would be taking was incredibly huge; they would never be able to go back to the comfortable and deep friendship they shared right now if they decided to take their relationship a step further and it didn't work out.

She let go of those conflicting thoughts when he started flipping pancakes, throwing them in the air with a flick of his wrist that spoke of years of long practice.

"Need any help?" she asked as she slipped of the barstool and walked around the counter, coming up behind him.

"Sure," he replied without turning around, still very much focused on what he was doing. "Come here." He motioned for her to step up to the stove. "You can make the pancakes, I'll get the rest."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, El, I'm a lousy cook, you know that."

"This is not cooking, it's making pancakes, doesn't take a rocket scientist for that." He smiled at her.

"Trust me, I can burn anything." She reluctantly moved to stand by his side, watching his every move.

"It's not hard, come on, I'll show you." His voice was unwavering.

"Okay, I'll try," she gave in. "But if I burn one, you're back here finishing this yourself. I was really looking forward to those pancakes, they have to be edible."

"Fair enough." He laughed, he was used to her bargaining after all those years. He flipped the finished pancake he had been baking and it landed gracefully on the waiting plate next to the stove.

Olivia groaned, she was never going to be able to do that.

"Sorry," he apologized with a grin, "didn't mean to be intimidating. Look, just take a ladle full of batter, pour it into the pan," he explained while simultaneously doing as he told her to, "Wait for it to bake a little until it's not liquid anymore, then turn it." He watched her raise an incredulous eyebrow at him. "You don't have to throw it," he chuckled, "I guess we can try that some other time, right now just do it the old-fashioned way." He handed her a pancake turner from the top drawer next to the stove and turned away to get plates and cutlery as soon as she had reached for it. Olivia felt quite lost with the pan and her huge responsibility, but Elliot seemed to think she'd be up to the challenge. He was busying himself, making coffee, cutting a mango in small pieces, pouring orange juice, and setting it all up on the counter.

Olivia found she was getting the hang of it after a while and her pancakes actually looked like the real deal. She was about to turn the last one when Elliot reached around her from behind. She was startled a little; she hadn't even noticed he was standing there. His hand closed around hers on the pan's handle and she relaxed her grip when he lifted the pan and flipped the pancake.

"See, not that hard either," he whispered into her ear, sending shivers down her spine.

She leaned back a few inches, lightly touching her back to his chest for a moment before she turned around and found herself face to face with him. Her eyes flicked to his lips, but she raised them right back up to meet his gaze, not willing to go anywhere near that dangerous territory unless she was certain he was serious.

It felt like the moment they had shared before, their eyes were glued together and Elliot felt his heart thumping in his chest so violently, he was sure she had to feel it too as close as she was to him right now. He swallowed hard, he couldn't place this new level of intensity their relationship had suddenly gained; it was confusing, but it felt good. Right, as right as nothing he had ever felt. He placed his hands on her upper arms, not sure where he was going with this. He wanted to kiss her, very much. And she didn't seem opposed to the thought either or she wouldn't still be standing there, this close to him, or would she?

Olivia's breath caught in her throat when he touched his hands to her arms and started rubbing up and down lightly. There was a warm and fluttering sensation in her belly that she hadn't felt in a very long time. He was really going to kiss her, of that she was sure now and she was equally sure that she wouldn't stop him. But all of a sudden his attention was drawn away. He dropped his hands and pushed her gently aside as he reached for the pan which, as she noticed now, was giving off an awful smell and had started smoking. As devastated as she was that the moment was gone, she couldn't help but laugh.

"I told you I burn everything!"

Elliot quickly dropped the pan into the sink and turned on the cold water, effectively steaming up almost the entire kitchen. He loved the sound of her laughter, he hardly ever heard her laugh like that, so carefree. When he turned away from the sink again, she had stopped, but her face was still bright with the most beautiful smile.

"No harm done," he said, his face widening with an equally large smile. "Come on, let's eat." He reached for the platter with the unburned pancakes and brought them over to the counter before he lightly touched her arm and led her around to the stools. The moment was lost, but he felt no discomfort or awkwardness and he didn't get that vibe from her either. There were a lot of emotions battling in his chest, but one thing he was absolutely certain about. He would do anything for the woman sitting next to him. That feeling was so strong, it almost hurt.

"Elliot?" Olivia asked, biting into her third pancake. "El, did you zone out on me?" He slowly turned his head and looked at her, snapping out of his musings. Olivia mustered his face curiously. There was something in his eyes she hadn't seen there before.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"I said I need to stop by my place before we go in. I'm starting to run out of clothes at the station."

"Sure thing," he replied. "Better pick up a warm coat as well, it's supposed to get even colder."


	12. Chapter 11

"_Sorry, what did you say?"_

"_I said I need to stop by my place before we go in. I'm starting to run out of clothes at the station." _

"_Sure thing," he replied. "Better pick up a warm coat as well, it's supposed to get even colder."_

_#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*  
><em>

Shortly after lunch, they returned to the precinct and got right to work. The backlog of reports that needed typing had grown immensely and there were also quite a few loose ends to be tied up on several open cases. Some would be closed after this, two had gone cold. Those were always the most frustrating ones, to know you'd failed to get justice for the victims and that the perp was still out there, probably already preying on the next innocent person.

Olivia dove right into the work; it would keep her mind occupied which had been going a mile a minute ever since this morning. Or maybe it had started yesterday already. She knew she was probably over thinking, but the almost-kiss in Elliot's kitchen was just not something she could forget. What surprised her the most was how she had responded. She had been so eager for him to take that step and so disappointed when it hadn't happened. She didn't know where that was coming from. This was not like her; she did not dive into a relationship head-first. And that was what it would be with Elliot. With their history there was no way they could just jump into bed and then move on, business as usual. No there was too much between them for that.

They knew each other so well, had seen each other at their best and at their worst, had been through hell, and come out of it fairly unscathed. Elliot knew things about her she'd rather forget about and he didn't hold any of it against her. And there was definitely chemistry, lots and lots of it. She wouldn't deny that she had imagined what he would look like naked, what his body would feel like pressed against hers, or how it would feel to look into those stunningly blue eyes when he was making love to her. But she'd always kept a tight hold to those thoughts, they wouldn't get her anywhere. He'd been married for the better part of their partnership and once he was divorced, she'd just gotten so used to the fact that he was unavailable. They had already been as close as two people who were not in a relationship could be, they still were. Taking the next step had just never been an issue. That is, until now.

Around 4pm Olivia leaned back in her chair, sighing. Work had been a distraction, but she was running out of it.

"You're finished?" Elliot asked in disbelief.

"For now, yes." She looked at the huge stacks of files still on his desk, he always left his paperwork until the last minute and regularly swore to do better next time, but in the end he always ended up doing it at the last possible moment. More often than not with her help.

He shot her a dirty look. "You're an overachiever, you know?"

She knew he was teasing and she caught the twinkle in his eye to confirm it. "I think we need to get back to Donahue's house," she said a little more solemnly. There had been no movement on the car, it seemed deserted. Staten Island had pulled its unit from the stakeout and simply placed a GPS tracking device on it, unwilling to waste the manpower any longer.

"Why?" he asked, once more looking up from his computer screen.

"Because it's the only thing we _can_ do," she stated as if that was obvious. "I think we might have missed something."

"I'm sure CSU was very thorough," he replied, still not quite seeing the sense in going back again.

"I'm sure they were, and yet they found nothing. No perp ever leaves nothing behind," her reasoning was not quite sound and she knew it, but she wanted to feel like she was doing something and this was their best option. "Besides," she added, "we were all a kinda eager to leave that house, the smell was just overpowering. Taking another look now can't hurt." Her eyes were begging him to agree with her, but she was already set on going back to Queens with or without him.

"What about Amanda, we need to show her the pictures," he said quietly, knowing that it was something she dreaded doing.

"I called the hospital earlier; Amanda is not available to us yet. She needs more time to recover." Rebecca had reassured her on the phone that Amanda was doing as well as could be expected; she just wasn't strong enough for another interview yet.

Elliot gave his partner a long look. She seemed hell-bound on going back to that house and through the years he had learned to trust her hunches. She was usually right.

"Okay," he gave in, "let me just finish the report I'm typing right now so I can put something on Cragen's desk and don't look like a complete moron."

By the time they reached Donahue's house, the sun had gone down again and it was starting to get dark and cold. After the snow during the previous days, temperatures had dropped dramatically. Winter was holding the city hostage in its iron grip.

Olivia shivered when she stepped out of the car. She was glad she'd retrieved her warm parka from her apartment earlier, but even that didn't seem enough. They entered the house side by side, and Elliot flipped on the lights since there was no need for stealth this time.

"Okay, what does your gut tell you we're missing?" he asked, challenging her a little.

"If my hunches were that specific, I'd be Captain by now," she shot back as she was making her way through the living room. "Now if you wanted to hide something that mustn't be found, where would that be?" She was walking through the room slowly, taking in every detail, looking for nooks and crannies.

"Depends," he answered. "What am I trying to hide: money, jewelry, porn magazines, dead body of the family dog?"

She gave him an exasperated look. "Seriously El, where?"

"I don't know … loose floorboards? Hidden drawer in the desk?" His eyes followed her movements through the room, focusing on her more than on the task at hand.

"Come on, I said be serious. We're not talking about a teenager trying to hide love letters to the girl he has a crush on." She continued searching the room with her eyes and he gave in with a sigh and mimicked her actions. They knew all the places CSU would look as part of their standard search, so now they needed to figure out where else Donahue could have hidden something that was as important to him as it was dangerous. The two detectives split up and continued walking through the house, looking for anything that stood out. Olivia started knocking on the walls after a while, trying to find any hollow sounding spots, but no luck. Nothing.

After clearing out every shelf, every drawer and every cupboard, checking inside soup cans, between book pages, in the freezer, and in the oven and literally every other place, Olivia finally gave up. The house looked a lot messier now, her partner had gone AWOL and she was beyond frustrated. "Damn it," she muttered under her breath, kicking an empty beer bottle out of her way as she proceeded to search for Elliot. She found him in the second bedroom upstairs, looking at a series of pictures that had previously been hanging on the wall, but he had ripped them from their frames to check whether there was anything hidden behind the cardboard. There wasn't.

"El, I think I was wrong this time; there's nothing here." She sighed, rubbing a hand across her forehead. When he didn't react, she took another step into his direction. "What?"

"I'm not sure if it means anything, but check out these pictures," he said, handing one to her. She recognized Donahue together with an older man and a large fish. '_Successful fishing trip. Nothing funny about that_,' she thought. "Why am I looking at this?" she asked as Elliot handed her the second one which was quite similar. It also showed Donahue and the other man, only both were a lot younger.

"Check out the background," Elliot instructed.

Olivia stepped a little closer to the light to better make out the details. The pictures were taken at the same spot; they were standing on a boat in the water. In the background was a lighthouse on a rocky shore. "I'll be damned," Olivia exclaimed as she put two and two together. "White stone walls, circular room." She swallowed hard. "We need to find out where this was taken."

They rushed back to Manhattan and pulled up in front of the lab without going back to the station first. They caught Morales leaving the building, on his way home. He rolled his eyes when he saw them, already guessing that he would need to put in a few extra hours. Upstairs he logged back onto his computer and scanned the two pictures. He cleared them up a little, focusing on the lighthouse in the background. It was definitely the same one in both pictures. Then he pulled up a database he kept with pictures of all public buildings and landmarks on the east coast and started a search trying to find a match with the lighthouse. While the computer ran the search, he showed them what CSU had gotten from Donahue's house so far.

"We found only one set of prints throughout the whole house, presumably Donahue's. So he never took any of his victims there," he started to explain. "The DNA we pulled off a few hairs on his pillow was a match to the rape kit that Warner did on the body in the basement. It also confirms he is the father of the baby she autopsied earlier, the one from the hospitalized girl. We ran our ground penetrating radar through the garden, no bodies; so if he killed before, he didn't bury the vic there."

"So far I'm not hearing anything that will help us find him," Elliot pointed out.

"Well, there wasn't much to find. He was very, very careful, I doubt anyone who had ever been to this house would suspect him of child kidnap, rape and murder. If he doesn't return to his car for a few more days, we'll give it a sweep; but somehow I doubt it will be more helpful. So far he has given us nothing."

"It just doesn't add up," Olivia exclaimed, tucking her hair back behind her ear. "He seems to be so careful, stays under the radar and blends in with the crowd in every possible way. He could have gone on like this for years, even with the dead girl in his sealed basement. Why would he suddenly get rid of Amanda and risk being found out?"

Elliot started pacing the room, something he found often helped him think. "Maybe it was because of the pregnancy?"

"What are you saying?" Olivia asked, following her partner with her eyes while she leaned back against Morales' desk, waiting for the search engine to finish.

"Warner said she found no trace of hormones in the dead girl's body that would indicate she had been pregnant or had been subjected to fertility treatment," he explained. "So maybe it was just like Dr. Garner said, a fluke of nature. She wasn't nine after all like we first thought, she just looked like it because she'd been so malnourished and neglected that her body stopped growing. Maybe Amanda just happened to get pregnant despite the circumstances and that's what threw him?"

"She was seven months along already, she was very obviously pregnant, why wait until now?" Olivia was not convinced and played the devil's advocate. She loved these games with him. It was one of the best parts of their partnership when their minds worked in sync, but didn't they come to the same conclusion, which always kept them from getting too fixed on one idea.

"When she was found, she had gone into premature labor, right? Dr. Garner attributed that to stress and exposure. She must have been in that basement for days with no food, no water and even if it wasn't freezing like now, it was still winter," Elliot argued. "But what if that wasn't how it happened? Maybe she already had contractions when he dumped her there?"

"You think he freaked when she went into labor?" Olivia asked incredulously. "Why would he? He didn't seem to care about our Asian girl enough to keep her from getting hurt."

"But what if he did care? Maybe that's what set him off in the first place? He raped the Asian girl and she died. Maybe he was raping Amanda and that's what started the labor. Maybe he thought she was dying or already dead? Took him right back to what happened the first time."

"But he didn't dump the first body anywhere; he kept it in his basement, Elliot. Why change MO now? He was putting everything at risk that way."

"But he's not a killer. He kidnapped and kept those girls for himself; he raped them ever day, he abused them, he nearly starved them to the degree that their bodies stopped developing, but he _didn't_ kill them. Melissa went missing almost two years ago and as far as we know she's still alive, as are the others. He doesn't _want_ them dead."

"So you think he never intended to kill our first victim and was at a loss when she died? So he just stuffed her into the basement and locked the door," Olivia was starting to follow his lead now. "He wanted to forget it ever happened."

"Yeah, that's what I'm thinking," Elliot confirmed. "And I suppose he did a good job of denying it until he raped Amanda and she started writhing in pain; it must have taken him right back to when the first girl died."

"So he got rid of her because he was unable to deal with another dead girl," Olivia pushed herself off the edge of the desk and slowly walked over to the window, studying the lights of the city before she turned around again to face the two men. "And then he dropped off the face of the earth. He must have known Amanda would be found. So maybe he _wanted_ that to happen, maybe he cared about her in his own weird and twisted way. He didn't want her to die, but he also didn't want to go to prison; so he up and left."

"And if he cares about his girls, chances are we'll find the other ones alive, once we locate that lighthouse," Elliot added. "I just hope we're not too late. It has been around a week now. We're running out of time."

Olivia nodded, looking at Morales now. "How long will the search take?" she asked, motioning towards the computer screen.

"Should be finished within the next five minutes," the tech replied. Those five minutes seemed to drag on forever. When the final beep came, they were already hovering over the screen. The search had turned up nothing.

"Damn it!" Elliot swore, slamming a fist down on the desk. "What now?"

"The image is pretty clear, if the building was in my database, we would have gotten a hit," Morales replied, using logic to solve the puzzle.

"How complete is that database?" Olivia asked, trying not to let her frustration show.

"It's fairly complete; if your lighthouse is not in here, it's most likely owned privately."

"That would make sense," she said. "Using a working lighthouse to hide away a bunch of kidnapped girls sounds way too risky."

"But how do we find it now?" Elliot had started pacing again.

"Let's go back to the pics," Olivia suggested. "What else is there?"

"Ocean, no surprise there," Elliot said after picking up one of the pictures again. "No houses, no other landmarks. Just two guys, a fish and a lighthouse."

"What kind of fish?" Olivia asked, but Elliot just shrugged, he'd never caught a fish in his life.

"Let me see," Morales cut in and reached for the pictures. "Yes, that's a sea bass, unfortunately a very common species in our part of the Atlantic. My dad and I usually catch it in the Long Island Sound, but that doesn't mean this pic was taken there."

Elliot swore again, but Olivia's brain had just caught up with something else. "You go fishing with your dad," she addressed the tech and pointed to the pictures once more, "I bet he does too."

"But we did a background check on him, no living relatives," Elliot threw in.

"Key word being 'living', his father must have died. And how much are you willing to bet that the first kidnap happened shortly after he did?" Olivia had snatched the two pictures from the desk and was already on the move, quickly followed by Elliot, who was just giving Morales a nod of thanks before he stormed after her.


	13. Chapter 12

Wow, I got some great reviews on the last few chapters! Thank you for taking the time, it's so wonderful to know you enjoy my story :-)

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><p>"<em>But we did a background check on him, no living relatives," Elliot threw in. <em>

"_Key word being 'living', his father must have died. And how much are you willing to bet that the first kidnap happened shortly after he did?" Olivia had snatched the two pictures from the desk and was already on the move, quickly followed by Elliot, who was just giving Morales a nod of thanks before he stormed after her._

Olivia was talking rapidly on the phone on their way down and threw him the car keys when they exited. By the time they arrived at the station she had found out that Jake's father, Kyle, had in fact died two and a half years ago, leaving behind his only son who inherited his father's property. One house in Queens and one abandoned lighthouse on the north shore of Long Island. As soon as she had an address she called Alex Cabot to get them a warrant right away. She tried reaching Cragen, but he didn't answer his cell an all she could do was leave a message.

Their frantic drive took them about halfway up the Long Island Sound. The old white lighthouse had been built on a stony island about 300 yards offshore. By the time the two detectives arrived, the local police had already crossed the water in a coast guard motor boat and had gotten four terrified and barely alive girls from the lighthouse's basement and into the next hospital. One was critical; the other three were expected to recover fully given time. None were pregnant and there had been no sign of Jake Donahue.

After the rush of adrenaline that had been brought on by the discovery of the remaining victims, time seemed to slow down and life seemed to come to a sudden screeching halt during the next days. Elliot and Olivia spent most of their time interviewing Melissa and the others as well as their parents and Amanda, trying to get as much info as possible on Jake Donahue. They worked their asses off trying to find his trail, supported by Munch and Fin who had returned from Alaska without their pedophile. But everything they found out was useless; every single lead they followed ran dry very fast and Donahue appeared to be just as much in the wind as Munch and Fin's perverted kindergarten teacher. They also failed to identify the Asian girl; presumably her parents and maybe she herself were in the country illegally. Warner had analyzed her hair and bones, which told them she'd been living in New York for several years, but had been born in the south of China.

Soon after, the case was declared cold. Olivia stuffed the thick case file into the drawer with her cold cases. It wasn't a large pile of files, but every cold case was one too many in her book. Each file represented one more perp who was still out there, terrorizing new victims. Then she pinned Donahue's DMV shot to the small cork board she and Elliot kept in the corner of the squad room behind their desks - their personal most wanted list. It was a reminder of work still waiting for them and a driving force for their daily efforts.

Amanda was released from the hospital two weeks after she had been found. It had been enough time for Elliot and Olivia to locate her only living relative, her biological father. His name had not been on the birth certificate and the only reason they were able to find him was that his DNA was on record, he worked for the district attorney's office in the Bronx as an investigator. He had never known of the existence of his daughter and hadn't seemed particularly thrilled to learn about her now. But as her father, he had custody of her. It was hard for Amanda to stand being in the same room with him; he was a stranger to her and a man. But other than court appointed counseling there was not much that could be done to help those two to overcome their mutual reluctance to enter into their new family relationship. A fact that did not sit well with Olivia.

_#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*_

Three weeks after the girls had been freed from the lighthouse, Elliot and Olivia were standing in front of the courthouse. In late February, New York was still under the cold spell that slowed down life in the city quite a lot. The snow had not vanished entirely, but it was black and dirty now. It was a windy day and Olivia shivered in her courtroom attire. The parka couldn't ward off the chill and she kept rubbing her hands together. It was mid-morning on a Friday and the Jenkins case was in a twenty minute recess to give the defense attorney the chance to clean up after being spit on by one of the witnesses he had grilled on the stand rather ruthlessly.

She and Elliot had decided to get some fresh air and they had been joined by Alex. Elliot was lost in his thoughts. At the moment it looked like Jenkins would get off easily and that didn't sit well with him at all. So he was brooding. Olivia knew he would snap out of it eventually; she shared his disgust at how the legal system sometimes worked in favor of the bad guys, but they wouldn't be able to change that fact any time soon.

Olivia listened to Alex recount another courtroom episode that involved the same defense lawyer and how he had been on the receiving end of a witness's revenge before. But Olivia's attention was divided when she spotted a familiar red-headed child on the opposite side of the large front steps between the stone columns. _Amanda_.

Alex noticed that her friend was no longer with her and followed her gaze. Meanwhile, Elliot was still entirely unaware of his surroundings.

"Oh, that was today," Alex said, more to herself than to anyone in particular.

Olivia looked over at her puzzled. "What was today?" she inquired, her forehead wrinkling.

"Amanda gave a statement in chambers today," she said and when Olivia didn't look like she had made the connection she added, "Her step-father is on trial. If we can't get her tormentor right now, we at least have to put _him_ away for getting her kidnapped in the first place. But Judge Cohen decided he didn't want her on the stand and took her statement in chambers today."

"Oh." Olivia nodded, her eyes fixed on Amanda again and she shivered a little more violently as her mind went back to the girl's gruesome fate. Amanda was talking to a man Olivia recognized as her father. She noticed how the girl was keeping a distance from him; she was obviously still uncomfortable around him.

Elliot's eyes became more focused as he sensed the shift in the small group's mood. "Let's get back inside," he said, mistaking Olivia's shivering for a sign of being cold. He hadn't noticed Amanda yet as he was standing with his back to her.

"Let me just say hello; I'll catch up with you in a few." Olivia excused herself and started walking over to where the girl stood with her father. She forced the dark thoughts from her mind; she wanted to say goodbye to Amanda, something she hadn't been able to do before.

Elliot turned to see where his partner was disappearing to and saw Amanda. He had never been able to form a bond with the girl as he had never been allowed near her, but her fate had touched him deeply. He also knew she meant a lot to Olivia. He started walking towards the main entrance with Alex, but in no particular hurry as he intended to wait up for his partner.

Olivia had almost closed the gap to Amanda and suddenly started walking a little faster.

He eyed the scene in front of him more closely and noticed, just as Olivia must have, that Amanda's father had raised his voice, but he couldn't make out any words from where he was standing.

Olivia had sensed the tension in the air between the two people a few steps away from her and now Amanda's father had started talking more loudly than appropriate. The pair was drawing the attention of some bystanders aside from Olivia, who was moving towards them faster now. Another lawyer had also started walking over trying to see what the problem was. Amanda's father noticed him out of the corner of his eye, but he didn't see Olivia since he had his back turned to her. He realized that he had made a scene and wanted to retreat fast, embarrassed at the public display of their failing father-daughter relationship. He made a grab for Amanda's arm. The grab was made so innocently, born out of the wish to disappear with her and clear things up somewhere more private. But Amanda panicked and took a few rapid steps backwards and away from him, towards the steps. He backed off immediately and crouched down, talking in a lower voice now, to apologize and reassure Amanda. He had not meant to harm her, but she was still inching backwards, his words hardly had any effect.

Olivia's heart stood still when she saw what was happening. She started running, but she could already see she would never make it. She called out her name out of reflex, her voice panicky, "Amanda!" She saw the girl turn her head towards her voice, she saw the recognition and trust in her stunning green eyes for a brief moment, but it was already too late. Her foot hit empty air instead of solid ground, and in the same instant she lost her balance, tumbling down the stone steps. She never managed to break her backwards fall, not with one arm still in a cast, and hit her head hard which seemingly knocked her out right away.

Olivia watched horrified as the small body bounced further down the steps, gaining speed on the way down. She was running after her, but somehow she knew in her heart that it would be in vain. She saw the girl's head hit the steps several more times and heard the sickening crunch of breaking bones. By the time she reached Amanda at the foot of the steps and kneeled down next to her, Amanda laid very still.

"Get a bus," she heard someone yell. _Elliot_. He was racing down toward her, but he wouldn't be able to help any more than she could. She felt for Amanda's pulse, but found nothing.

Ten minutes later all the paramedics could do was declare her dead. Olivia reached up to cover Elliot's hand on her shoulder with her own as she closed her eyes, not quite able to comprehend what had happened. He had squatted down beside her, where she still kneeled on the sidewalk and started to gently draw her up now, trying to get her to her feet. She followed his lead numbly, allowed him to take her back up the steps, and into the courthouse where he sat her down on a bench. He wanted to hug her, envelop her in his arms and comfort her, but he knew she would not appreciate that here, in a public place. She would not want to show that kind of weakness where everyone could see. So he resigned himself to sitting as close to her as possible, letting her draw strength from his presence.

Alex slowly walked over to the pair and sat down at Olivia's other side. She knew better than to ask if the two detectives were okay. _How could they be?_ "I'm going to ask for another recess, you don't have to testify today," she said, but Olivia shook her head.

"No, please. We have to put Jenkins away, and get justice for his victims as soon as possible. Besides, Elliot's going to be on leave next week."

Alex watched her friend carefully; she was so very pale but seemed composed. She was about to ask Olivia if she was sure she was up to it, but stopped herself. She had worked with these two for so many years and she knew them both well. They would be up to it; they were professionals and determined to get Jenkins locked away. They would mourn the loss of the child's life later.


	14. Chapter 13

_Alex watched her friend carefully; she was so very pale but seemed composed. She was about to ask Olivia if she was sure she was up to it, but stopped herself. She had worked with these two for so many years and she knew them both well. They would be up to it; they were professionals and determined to get Jenkins locked away. They would mourn the loss of the child's life later. _

*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*

Later that day, Elliot looked up as Olivia returned from their Captain's office, to see her face sullen. They had returned after their morning in court and she had dived into her paperwork wordlessly. He knew better than to push her here; in the squad room, she would only shoot him down. So he had resigned himself to furtive and concerned glances at her every now and again. But ten minutes ago, Cragen had called her in and apparently she didn't like what he had to say.

"What's up?" he asked, sounding nonchalant, but Olivia recognized the underlying concern. She plopped into her chair with a sigh. She really didn't feel like seeing anyone let alone talking to anyone. All she wanted was some peace and quiet … and _lots_ of work to take her mind off things. But it was obvious that she wouldn't get her wish, neither Cragen nor Elliot would leave her alone and if she had to talk to anyone at all, she'd rather it be Elliot. She didn't meet his eye when she mumbled, "He wants me to take a week off," in a resentful tone.

Elliot couldn't stop the grunt that escaped him and she shot him the most dirty look, which wiped away the smirk that had started spreading across his face. "Oh yeah," he quipped, "I'll arrest him right away."

She lowered her head and wordlessly started typing on her keyboard at a maddening speed. She was furious, at Cragen and now also at him. He got up from his chair and walked over to her side of the desk, sitting down on the corner of it right next to her. She didn't react and he studied her face a moment longer before he opened his mouth and said, "This is really bothering you." It was a statement rather than a question and his tone was warm and soft, still it got no visible reaction from her. "Liv?" He touched her arm lightly. "What's going on?"

She sighed and stopped hacking away on her keyboard to lean back in her chair and look up at him. His eyes were so full of concern. She couldn't bear his sight for long, fearing she would lose her composure. "What am I supposed to do with myself for a whole week?" she asked, studying her fidgeting hands. "After the madness during the last month and what happened today I was just really looking forward to getting back to the usual routine. I was even going to enjoy the week of paperwork while my partner is on vacation." She looked at him for a few seconds but turned away again. "Home alone … that gives me too much time to think."

Elliot knew she was right; a week of brooding would do nothing for her. But he also agreed with Cragen that she needed a break. Sleep had been a rare thing in the unit lately; they had been called out on cases almost every night while still working full speed during the day to get a handle on the backlog. Add to that the events of this morning, the cruel way in which Amanda's life had ended in a stupid accident after she had survived daily terror and torment for such a long time. Olivia had to be reeling; she needed to get away from all of this. He knew because it was how he felt too, and he was looking forward to the week he was going to spend with his kids more than ever. An idea suddenly popped into his head and before he could stop himself and lose confidence, the words were already out of his mouth. "Tell you what, why don't you come with me and my kids?"

He watched her face go from desperation to incredulous disbelief; all the while he was still quite surprised at himself for having said that out loud. But he knew he meant it with all his heart, he just normally wasn't bold enough to voice those thoughts. He saw her get ready to object and raised a finger to stop her. "We're going to the Catskills, there's plenty of room in our cabin. The kids love you, it will be fun." He tried to sound his most convincing. "I can't leave you here to brood," he added with a smile. "There'll be no working with you after a week of that." The teasing was supposed to lighten the mood a little, but she seemed oblivious to it.

"El, I can't. This is your holiday with your children and you hardly ever see them. I'd be the third wheel. Besides, I hate snow." She shook her head almost regretfully and turned to continue with her report, but he wouldn't be deterred that easily.

"You hate snow in New York; so do I. Everybody does," he explained. "But there's nothing more beautiful in winter than snow in the countryside. The cabin is at a lake; with the weather we've been having, it will be frozen and the trees will be covered in fluffy white snow. It will be great." He smiled at the image in his head. It had formed there many times before during the last week whenever he had thought about his upcoming little getaway. He had been looking forward to it so much, but now he realized if he didn't convince her to come, something would be missing. He needed her to come and he would beg if he had to.

He sensed she was still very hesitant, but at least she was not looking away anymore and he had her undivided attention. "And don't worry about the kids," he continued, "They really _do_ love you and they will be ecstatic, especially the girls."

Olivia felt herself warming to the idea. His words were so kind and his expression genuinely excited.

"You wouldn't be intruding," he added in an even lower voice as he leaned in a little closer. She tilted her head to the side, her eyes locked to his and he could see she was starting to seriously consider taking him up on the offer. "Come on," he nudged her gently in the arm. "We're leaving tonight; I got Kathy's mini-van. I will pick you up around seven. All you need to do is pack some warm clothes." He got up and started walking out of the squad room before she could come up with some half-assed reason why she wouldn't be able to join them. He took one last look at her from the doorway. She still sat motionless, lost in thought. He smiled to himself and went downstairs in search of coffee that didn't taste like tar. When he returned, she was concentrating on her reports again; she didn't even acknowledge his presence. Which he thought was a good thing, if she wanted to back out of it, she would have awaited his return more urgently.

Elliot rose from his chair around 4pm. He grabbed his jacket and keys and looked over at Olivia questioningly. Usually they rode together. She made a show of rifling through her files once more, trying to stall, before she looked up at him with eyes full of uncertainty.

"Are you really sure this is what you want?" she asked quietly.

He smiled widely. "Absolutely!" He saw her eyes search his face for the slightest glimpse of doubt, but he knew there wasn't any.

"Okay then," she gave in, not quite sure what she was getting herself into, but the fear of spending the next week by herself outweighed the strange, but not entirely bad, feeling that had formed in her belly at the thought of spending it with Elliot and his family.

*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*

At 7 pm sharp there was a knock on Olivia's door and she went to open it. She had packed her stuff but left the bag in the bedroom.

Elliot's gaze around the small hallway turned questioning pretty quickly. "Having second thoughts?" he asked, his heart falling at the thought.

"Definitely," she admitted. "But I was more concerned you would."

Elliot was surprised at the amount of relief he felt. "Not me." He smiled widely. "And the kid's are really excited, just like I told you they would be." Her gaze was scrutinizing, trying to detect a lie or even just an attempt to leave out part of the truth. But he was not afraid she'd find even the slightest trace of deception in his eyes.

She sighed and looked away, finally giving in. He seemed so excited about this shared vacation that she didn't want to spoil it for him. Maybe he was right. Getting away from the city might be just what she needed after the turbulent weeks they'd been having. It could be a time to breathe, to calm down, and to clear her head, which had been throbbing with a dull ache nonstop ever since this whole mess had first started. She grabbed her bag from the bedroom and followed him downstairs, keenly aware of what a vacation with Elliot could mean. And she wasn't sure she was ready for the implications.

The kids greeted her joyfully, Elliot had not been wrong about their state of excitement and she found herself smiling widely at their warm welcome. Her heart felt lighter already. Yes, this really was a good idea.

The drive went relatively well; traffic let up once they left the city. The darkness, warmth and soft rocking motion inside the car didn't fail to have an effect on Olivia. By the time they left the interstate, her eyes were drooping.

Elliot smiled as he watched her fight to stay awake; she'd been working her ass off and neglecting herself for such a long time and he'd been left to watch her do this to herself. He'd seen her that way before, when cases got too close; he was no stranger to the effect himself. Usually they managed to watch each other's backs during those times, remind the other one to stop thinking about the case day and night, and to not lose touch with the outside world. But this time it had been especially hard to get her to at least eat and sleep every once in a while and she was so exhausted. He was extremely thankful Cragen had made her take that leave and he would see to it that she got the most out of it. Yes, the coming week would be all about having fun, relaxing, and not thinking about the horrors that waited for them once they got back to New York and their job.

Olivia was startled awake when the car stopped after having lost the fight against sleep at some point. She stretched catlike as far as the car seat allowed while the rest of the group was already piling out. They were parked in front of a cozy looking log cabin right next to a fairly large lake, which as Elliot had predicted, was frozen and glinted in the moonlight. They were surrounded only by trees. No other houses were around, but the small lights across the lake on the opposite shore spoke of human habitation. This was solitude. Lonely, but not in a bad way; it was perfect. She climbed from the mini-van still a bit groggy and saw that Elliot had taken her bag. She grabbed the only thing left in the car, the bag of groceries, and made her way over to the porch.

The inside of the cabin was just as cozy as the outside promised. The ground floor opened into a large living room with a small but sufficient kitchen. There were French doors that opened out to the lake and the dock; the view was breathtaking. The moon was full and cast enough light to see the whole lake and the forest. The world out here was silent and peaceful. She closed her eyes and felt Elliot's presence more than she heard him when he stepped up behind her.

"Told you this place is beautiful," he whispered and she could feel his breath on her neck. She hugged herself, trying to hide the shiver that went down her spine caused by his closeness. He had such an intense effect on her these days; it was a constant battle to keep her composure. "Come one," Elliot said and placed his hand lightly on her shoulder. A small gesture, a simple touch, he touched her almost every day at work. But here, in this totally different setting, it sent sparks of electricity through her body, a feeling that wasn't entirely new to her around him, but it didn't make it easier to function. "I'll show you your room."

He led her through the living room to the back of the cabin and into a small hallway with two doors. He pushed open the right one. The bedroom was small but tastefully furnished with a queen-sized bed in the center and her window opened to the lake just as the French doors in the living room. A door led to the bathroom. "I'm afraid we'll have to share that," Elliot commented and searched her face uncertainly as he motioned towards another door opposite the room that presumably led to his bedroom.

"No problem," she reassured him quickly. "Where will the kids sleep?"

"Upstairs." He smiled when at just the right moment their voices could be heard above. "Do you like it?" he asked, motioning around the room and sounding apprehensive, almost as if he feared she wouldn't approve.

"It's lovely." She smiled at him. "Give me a minute to change?"

"Of course," he said. He stepped out of her room and closed the door behind him. Then he made his way over to the kitchen to get started on dinner. Half an hour later he found himself outside the same door once more. Mac and Cheese was ready and waiting as he knocked a little hesitantly. "Liv?" There was no answer and he knocked again. "Liv, are you hungry?" Still only silence inside her room. He reluctantly pushed down the handle and opened the door just a crack. "Liv, you decent?" No answer, so he opened the door wider, getting worried now. He saw her lying on the bed, face-down on her belly atop the sheets, and fast asleep. She'd taken her shoes off but that was as far as she'd gotten on changing. He smiled lightly; she looked more relaxed than he'd seen her in a long time. He carefully tucked the sheets around her as good as possible, opened her window a bit for fresh air, switched the lights off, and left silently.

"Where's Liv?" Maureen asked when he returned to the table alone.

"She fell asleep on her bed; maybe she'll be hungry later."

"Wow, she must really be exhausted to miss this," Lizzie exclaimed, unable to comprehend how anyone could pass up on Mac and Cheese.

"She is, that's why I asked her to come," Elliot replied, before he stuffed his fork into his mouth.


	15. Chapter 14

"_She fell asleep on her bed; maybe she'll be hungry later."_

"_Wow, she must really be exhausted to miss this," Lizzie exclaimed, unable to comprehend how anyone could pass up on Mac and Cheese. _

"_She is, that's why I asked her to come," Elliot replied, before he stuffed his fork into his mouth._

*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*

Olivia awoke warm and comfortable in her bed; the sun was tickling her nose and the air in the room was very crisp and fresh. She stretched and was a little surprised to find herself still dressed in yesterdays work clothes. Right, she'd just wanted to take a short nap before dinner, but she couldn't remember opening the window. Not that she was sorry that somebody – most likely Elliot – had, the air was wonderful. Sleeping with an open window in New York City was not a smart idea for several reasons. She was used to it, having lived in Manhattan all her life, but she often wished it could be different. She got up slowly to avoid the dizziness that usually came with rising after a long nights sleep. It was well past noon. She blinked at her watch, that couldn't be right. She couldn't have slept for 15 hours straight, but the old-fashioned alarm clock on her night stand showed the same time. Unbelievable.

After a long hot shower she made her way into the living room. Nobody home. But the kitchen held a welcome surprise – pancakes. Olivia smiled, remembering the last time she'd eaten Elliot's infamous pancakes. He'd nearly kissed her that day. She also found a thermos with tea, peppermint and lemon. He was the best. She spotted the kids skating on the lake as she moved over to the French doors, steaming mug in her hand. Elliot was on a bench on the dock; he too wore skates, but was just watching at the moment. She ate two pancakes before she grabbed her coat, filled her mug once more, and rolled up another pancake to go as she made her way outside to join him on the bench.

Lizzie's laughter penetrated the clear mountain air as Olivia sat down next to him. As the youngest of Elliot's daughters she was constantly struggling to be taken seriously as something more than just Stabler girl no. 3. But she had such a bubbly personality, always smiling, always excited and always bringing joy to everyone around her, Olivia couldn't help but wonder who would ever mistake her for just a sequel to her two older sisters. Still, Elliot had told her about the trouble she was having at school, when teachers thought she should be as good at arts as Kathleen or as athletic as Maureen. She was neither, Elisabeth Stabler was good at many things at school, calculus and history among them, but she couldn't draw if her life depended on it and she wasn't any good at gymnastics or ball games either. But right now she seemed nothing but happy.

"Morning sleepyhead," Elliot greeted her, interrupting her musings, "Didn't hear you coming."

Olivia returned his smile. "Well, count stealth as one of my many talents then."

"Sleep well?" he asked, teasing her only a little.

"Guess I must have. I can't remember sleeping that long ever." Her gaze returned to the lake and the children. "You could have woken me, you know."

"Probably, but it's not like you missed much." He followed her gaze. Dickie had conquered the piece of wood he and his twin sister had been using for a puck with his makeshift stick. The two were usually inseparable; they shared a very unique connection. They had even had their own language when they were younger, which they still used sometimes when they didn't want to be overheard. But Dickie was a lot bolder than his sister; more like his father when it came to taking what he thought was rightfully his. He had a keen sense of justice and would stand up against everyone who threatened to wrong him or his family. He also loved animals, he aspired to become a vet when he was grown up and he would tell everyone who wanted to know, or didn't want to know.

"Is it safe for them to go that far out?" Olivia asked, as she watched the twins racing each other for the puck and leaving the shore further and further behind.

"I talked to the ice anglers this morning," he nodded towards two very tiny figures far away in the distance, who Olivia noticed just now. They were sitting around a hole in the ice, waiting for the fish to bite. "They told me the lake is almost frozen solid to the bottom, it's not very deep. They have to burr their hole all the way out there, because that's the only place where the fish can still swim, and even there the ice is so thick you could drive a truck over it."

Olivia took another sip from her mug, satisfied to hear it was safe. The two older girls were trying to spin pirouettes. Maureen did a better job at it than her younger sister. She moved with a lot of elegance and had great balance, almost like a dancer. But Olivia knew she was more the type for running and jumping. She'd placed well in several state competitions and was considered one of the most valuable members of the school team. But she was also a kind and gentle person who went through life with an open heart and much love to give. Olivia was reminded of what her police academy instructor had told her the day she'd graduated: you could teach a cop a lot of things, how to investigate crimes, how to file reports, how the law worked, and how to handle difficult situations so they wouldn't escalate. But you couldn't teach empathy, a very important part of the job when you worked with people who had been through hell and needed help. Maureen was a very empathic person, just like Olivia herself.

And then there was Kathleen, who seemed to pale next to her older sister when it came to ice skating. But Olivia had seen some of Katie's paintings; they were stunningly realistic and she had a great eye for detail and color. She was often angry at the world and herself, her parent's divorce had thrown her off balance and she was struggling to regain it. She resented her mother's new boyfriend Sean, who had apparently moved in a few months ago and was hoping very much that her mother and father would get back together soon. Something Olivia knew was never going to happen. Kathleen found an outlet for her feelings in painting, but still she got into a lot of trouble at school ever since the breakup and Elliot had been called into the principal's office on her account many times in the past. She had destroyed school property and put her fist to another student's jaw when he had provoked her.

But all in all Elliot had four great kids and Olivia often envied him for that. There was probably nothing in the world that she wanted more than to be a mom, but it didn't look like that was going to happen for her anytime soon. She was single and in her mid-thirties, married to her job, a job hardly anyone could comprehend completely and one that usually provoked strange reactions on dates with men unfamiliar with law enforcement. That was even more true for those dates who worked in the field themselves, they couldn't comprehend why anyone would join their strictly voluntary unit. Sometimes she didn't even know herself why she had. But those moments were few and far between. Most of the time she considered her job to be very rewarding despite all the darkness. They could usually get justice for the victims and bring smiles back to their faces. And that was all it took to make all the pain and horror they faced every day fade away. Never completely, but enough to keep going.

A few more minutes of companionable silence passed. The lingering taste of pancakes in Olivia's mouth triggered the memory of that morning three weeks ago once more. The morning Elliot had taught her to make pancakes. It brought back the feeling of giddy excitement and ultimate fear that had built inside her when Elliot had been standing as close to her as he had never before, trying to kiss her. Nothing had happened since and neither of them had brought up the incident, they had just been so busy at work. However they seemed to have moved closer in their relationship, their bond was even tighter than before, almost as if they had mutually agreed that the next step was only postponed, but not forgotten. But was that really true? She couldn't be sure where he was concerned. Suddenly he had invited her here yesterday. _Why had he?_ Was it concern for her well-being as he claimed, or was that only part of the reason? Not that it wasn't huge enough in and of itself that he worried about _her_ so much that he would take her along on _his_ family vacation. That's not what partners usually did, not even best friends. Nevertheless she had a feeling that there _was_ something more. If she was honest with herself, it meant more to her, but admitting it was hard. Because if he didn't return those feelings, she wasn't sure she could keep working with him and their friendship and partnership on the job was about the only thing she had in life that really mattered. She couldn't bear the thought of losing either.

Then again, maybe not knowing was even scarier. "Elliot?" She was surprised at the sound of her own voice; she hadn't really meant to speak aloud. But now he was watching her, waiting for the question. There was no turning back. "Can I ask you something?"

"Always," he replied, looking a little confused. She should know that.

"It's kind of personal." She was stalling, but couldn't come up with an unsuspicious way to retreat back into the safety of deluding herself that they were just friends. The can of worms had been opened and she was not one to back down from a challenge.

"I repeat, always." Elliot was eyeing her carefully, trying to guess where this was going. It was important to her, that much was obvious. "I'll even promise you an answer," he added, trying to put her at ease. She was so tense, almost as if she was scared.

Another moment of silence passed and it stretched so long that he thought she wouldn't ask after all. But then she took a deep breath, steeling herself for whatever would come next.

"Three weeks ago, in your kitchen," she began and searched his face for any inkling that he knew where this was going. He did make the connection right away, but there was no sign of panic. That was good. "You tried to kiss me." She paused again and Elliot nodded silently, both confirming her statement and waiting for the question she wanted to ask. "Why did you?" Her voice was so low, he almost didn't catch her words. It wasn't really a question he had expected.

"Why did I try to kiss my incredibly beautiful and smart partner and best friend when she was looking really cute in my underwear?" he raised an eyebrow at her and smirked a little, but frowned when she lowered her head and looked away. He'd hurt her. It had been meant as a compliment but she hadn't wanted to hear it, she'd wanted an honest answer. He reached for her free hand and squeezed it; she didn't pull away, but didn't look at him either. "Liv?" His voice was warm and gentle. "Look at me please." It took a few more seconds for her to react, but she complied. He saw tears brimming in her eyes and felt a sting in his heart. This was the last thing he had wanted to happen. "I'm sorry," he whispered, squeezing the hand he was still holding a little tighter. "The answer is bit more longwinded I'm afraid."

She swallowed, trying to dislodge the lump in her throat unsuccessfully and her voice sounded unfamiliar to her own ears as she tried to speak around it. "I believe I have the week off, I've got time."

Elliot had to make an effort not to get lost in her beautiful brown eyes; she looked so vulnerable, something he didn't often get to see. She was usually always guarding that side of herself very closely. "Okay then," he said before he took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to begin. "The friendship we have, the connection we share, it goes beyond anything and everything I have ever experienced with another person. We're so extremely close and in sync that it often scares me how you know exactly what's on my mind when even I don't." He paused with a shy smile on his face, feeling the awkwardness at sharing this with her slowly dissipate. "But it's a good feeling, to know that there is somebody who gets me completely. It's hard to explain, but you're probably the only person in the world I don't have to explain it to. You just _know_." His eyes were still glued to hers and he watched as the tears that had been brimming started to fall, traveling down her cheeks. He had to fight the urge to wipe them away with his thumb.

"You know," he continued after a few seconds, "Kathy took one look at us together in the same room and was convinced we were having an affair. Remember that day?"

She nodded, smiling a little. She had been partnered with Elliot for two weeks when she had been invited over for dinner. It had been awkward, the whole evening was screwed up and weird and she hadn't been able to figure out what she had said or done to warrant Kathy's hostility. Elliot had told her the reason a long time later. Kathy hadn't been the last person to make the same assumption, only the most persistent one. "She should have known you better," she whispered.

"That's kind of my point I guess," Elliot wrinkled his forehead, lost in his thoughts for a bit as he tried to make sense of them. "She didn't know me, didn't trust me. At least not like she should have, and not like a wife should know and trust her husband. And that was very much mutual. You know I could never open up to her about work; I kept a lot of things from her. I was just as responsible for our failing marriage as she was. But there was only ever one person who knows me inside and out, whom I trust in every sense of the word, and who I hope feels the same way about me. And that person is you, Liv."


	16. Chapter 15

"_That's kind of my point I guess," Elliot wrinkled his forehead, lost in his thoughts for a bit as he tried to make sense of them. "She didn't know me, didn't trust me. At least not like she should have, and not like a wife should know and trust her husband. And that was very much mutual. You know I could never open up to her about work; I kept a lot of things from her. I was just as responsible for our failing marriage as she was. But there was only ever one person who knows me inside and out, whom I trust in every sense of the word, and who I hope feels the same way about me. And that person is you, Liv."_

He watched her draw in a sharp breath, watched shock, fear and a deep understanding cross her face for a second to be replaced by what he could only describe as love. It was shining from her eyes so clearly, he didn't know how he could have ever doubted those feelings were really there, but he had for a long time. Not anymore. Yet he had also known that coming right out and confronting her about it would have only scared her back into her shell. "Our relationship has always worked within the very strict limits we set. We never allowed this "thing" to go any deeper than friendship. I was married, and I'm not a cheater. Once that fact changed, I guess we both got so used to working within those boundaries that we never questioned them. It was safer that way, right?" She nodded her agreement.

"But when you stood in my kitchen, wearing my boxer shorts and t-shirt, the sunlight in your hair, learning how to flip pancakes, the line just blurred and I felt like 'What the hell, screw the rules'. And I did what I had wanted to do for a very long time, I just hadn't known how badly I'd wanted to, and I was curious to see how you would react. I'm sorry the pan started smoking when it did," he added with a sheepish grin.

Olivia's heart was beating so fast, she was sure it would jump from her chest any second. He had wanted to kiss her for a long time? He had been entertaining the same thoughts and had the same fantasies, and had kept just as quiet about it as she had? What a pair they made. "I would have let you kiss me," she whispered just loud enough for him to hear. She held his gaze unwaveringly, willing him to understand how serious she was about that statement. The tension in the air got so thick, it made her shiver involuntarily.

Elliot broke eye contact first and bent down to untie the laces on his skates so he could slip out of them. He left them right next to the bench as he got up, pulling her with him and then led her back to the house just in his socks. Olivia shrugged out of her coat and rubbed her hands together, trying to warm her chilled fingers. He covered them with his much larger ones, which for some reason were still warm.

"Thanks," she said awkwardly. The tension had followed them inside and the elephant in the room seemed to grow by the second. They had admitted to each other that they both had entertained thoughts of breaking the boundaries of their previous relationship and now expectations rose as to when and how it was going to happen for real. There was no returning to the 'just partners and friends' routine they had kept, not when they knew they were both on the same page.

When feeling started to return to her hands Elliot tugged at them lightly, prompting her to follow him. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"I wanna try something." He grinned nervously as he led her into the kitchen and backed her up against the stove in a replay of the last time they'd been in a kitchen together. He searched her eyes for any sign of objection or doubt, but all he saw was anticipation, excitement, and a bit of fear. She was tense, but she wasn't going to push him away, he was sure about that.

She reached up, placing a hand on his shoulder lightly. Her heart was thumping wildly. There was nothing that would stop him now, no burning pancakes or anything else. He was so close that she could feel his breath on her face while he closed the last gap between them. Her eyes closed instinctively when she felt his lips touch hers. They were soft yet strong and he was kissing her slowly and gently. Her hand wandered up to the base of his neck and pulled him closer even, deepening the kiss, while her other arm snaked around his back, holding on to him for dear life. She could feel his hands on her body too; one tangled in her hair, almost pulling it, the other at the small of her back, tentatively lifting the hem of her shirt to touch her skin.

She opened her mouth a little, inviting him to take this one step further and felt his surprised hesitation. But it lasted only for a second. Then his lips parted as well and she felt him running his tongue along her lower lip, probing her mouth carefully before he finally entered. She could taste the coffee he must have had this morning as he curled his tongue around hers almost teasingly. And she mimicked his actions, nearly pushing him back out of her mouth as their tongues started battling. She felt that kiss all the way down to her toes and her stomach was doing flip-flops. She wanted for it to last forever, but finally the need for air became more pressing and they had to break apart, panting.

They were lost in each other's eyes once more and he touched his forehead to hers, unwilling to let go of the magic just yet. As her breathing slowly returned to normal, Olivia subsequently became more aware of her surroundings. She felt the heat radiating off his body, especially from where his hand touched the bare skin at the small of her back, it almost burned her it was that intense. Her fingers were subconsciously digging into his strong neck muscles, they would certainly leave a mark when she let go … if she let go.

"Well, guess I know now why Olivia had to come."

They jolted apart, shock quickly turning into awkward embarrassment. They had been so lost in their own world, they hadn't heard the door open. Now they were being scrutinized by Elliot's oldest – Maureen. She was still dressed in her coat and skates, and a little out of breath. She'd clearly not been standing there long, but obviously she'd seen enough. Elliot opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't find his voice and Olivia felt like she was a teenager again and had gotten caught making out. Then suddenly the tension left the room as if somebody had flipped a switched when Maureen's face split into a huge grin.

"It's cool, Dad. Just don't let Katie catch you, I don't wanna be forced to listen to her tantrums here too; it's bad enough at home." Olivia felt Elliot relax a little beside her, he'd gripped her hand so tightly behind the counter when Maureen had first announced her presence that she'd thought he would break a bone. But the pressure was easing up now even though he didn't let go of her entirely. Elliot smiled at his daughter, still a little forced and tense, but it was genuine. Olivia watched their silent exchange with a mixture of relief and amusement. Apparently there _was_ another girl in Elliot's life with whom he communicated without words.

She squeezed his hand lightly and excused herself to retreat to the privacy of her bedroom. A lot had happened during the last hour and she wasn't sure she could comprehend the enormousness of it all just now. Things had definitely changed irreversibly, but changed for the better as far as she was concerned. And she was fairly certain Elliot felt the same way. Thinking his name alone brought back the memory of the way his lips felt pressed to hers, and how his tongue had tasted in her mouth. She leaned back against the door and closed her eyes, holding on to it tightly.

*-*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*-*

Several hours later the whole family, including Olivia, assembled in the kitchen and living room to prepare dinner together. The twin's were setting the table while Elliot and Maureen did the cooking, which left Olivia and Kathleen to cut up vegetables for a salad. Olivia hardly ever ate homemade food; she usually got home late and had either already eaten at the precinct, or ordered takeout at home, or skipped dinner entirely when she was just too tired which happened more often than not. She'd never learned how to cook, her mother had not used the kitchen for anything else but warming up yesterday's takeout either, so this was a fairly new experience to her. Sometimes when she and Elliot would work late at his place, he would fix up a quick meal for them, usually just putting together whatever he could find in his fridge and cupboards and it always tasted so delicious. She loved watching him move through the kitchen, he was so at home there and it was a strange contrast to the Elliot she got to see on the job.

They sat down to eat when everything was finished, the atmosphere was light and the kid's were chattering away about all sorts of stuff. A 'dude' at school Katie was apparently fond of and had to endure Maureen's teasing for it, Britney Spears' new album, and an upcoming movie Dickie wanted to see in the theaters that he tried to convince his father to take him to. Elliot promised to check into it. Olivia was mostly just watching, enjoying the family's easy way with each other. They were close, despite the fact that Elliot didn't see his kids all that often. Or maybe that's what had drawn them closer together. She felt remorse at never having had the chance to experience that kind of family life herself, but refused to let it spoil the mood.

"Liv?" She didn't react at first, so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even notice when Lizzie touched her arm. "Liv?"

She was drawn from her reverie when the girl called her name a second time. "What is it, sweetie?"

"Will you come skating with us tomorrow?" Lizzie's huge blue eyes were looking up at her, her face just a little more excited than usual.

"Oh." Olivia had not expected that kind of proposal. "I'm afraid I don't have any skates."

"That's okay, Dad brought an extra pair. They used to belong to Maureen but she got new ones for Christmas. He said they would fit you."

Olivia raised an eyebrow and looked over at Elliot, who had clearly overheard. "Did he say that now?" she teased.

"So I happen to know your shoe size, you know mine," he defended himself and she just rolled her eyes and turned back towards Lizzie, who was still waiting for an answer. _How could she ever say no to her?_

"Well, I guess I will go with you tomorrow then, but be forewarned, it's been a while since I have last done that. You may have to scratch me off the ice when I'm done breaking every bone in my body." Lizzie's eyes widened before she caught the twinkle of laughter in Olivia's eye and both their faces split into huge grins.

"So you brought skates for me," she said quietly a little later, when the kid's were busy arguing which movie they all would watch after dinner.

"Guilty as charged," he replied in an equally low voice, smiling slightly.

"Did you want to see me land on my ass?" she inquired curiously, not really kidding. The last time she'd been on skates was during high school.

"Well, that would just be an added bonus," he teased. "Actually I wanted to see you have fun. Which I'm sure you will." He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

She laughed quietly as she stuffed another fork full of salad into her mouth. Yes, it would be fun either way.

*-*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*-*

"Liv, apparently everyone gets a vote on the movie," Kathleen said to her a while later as they were all cleaning up after dinner. She was pouting, Olivia had overheard Elliot telling her to ask _everyone_ earlier and she didn't seem to agree that her father's colleague should get a vote too. "What do you wanna watch? We narrowed it down to Avatar or Indiana Jones."

Olivia studied her carefully for a second, trying to place where the hostility came from. Katie had always been the one of Elliot's kids she connected the least with, but they usually got along well enough. "I don't think I'll stay up that long," she said finally, rubbing a hand across her forehead. The gesture wasn't missed by Elliot. "I don't wanna sleep all day again tomorrow."

"Oh, okay," Katie replied, turning away quickly, satisfied with that answer. She left the kitchen to join the rest of her siblings who were already fighting for the best places on the two sofas. Elliot stepped over to Olivia, placing a hand on the small of her back, out of sight behind the kitchen counter just in case one of his kids should look over. He felt her shudder slightly at his touch, but relax into it right away.

"Headache?" he asked, but it was really just a rhetorical question. He knew her so well that he didn't need her to answer to know her head was pounding.

"Yeah, a little," she confirmed, but she could tell he knew that was an understatement; he could tell by the way she was squinting at the light. "I'm going to turn in, sleep it off."

"Didn't work last night, did it?" She was still not looking at him, focusing on the ongoing war in the living room instead. Apparently the two movies had tied without her vote, and Elliot would have to be the tie breaker, something she didn't envy him for. "You've been sporting that headache for weeks, Liv, don't try to deny it, I know better," he chided her and finally got her attention. "Let me try something."

She looked at him skeptically. "What are you planning to do with me?"

"Just go with it," he said smiling, leading her over to the sofas and freeing enough space for the both of them with one long look at his kids.


	17. Chapter 16

I got some awesome reviews on the last few chapters. Thank you so much for reading and letting me know you enjoyed it! :-))

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><p><em>She looked at him skeptically. "What are you planning to do with me?" <em>

"_Just go with it," he said smiling, leading her over to the sofas and freeing enough space for the both of them with one long look at his kids. _

"Avatar it is, guys," he said, eliciting a groan from Dickie and Kathleen. "Indiana Jones tomorrow and that's my last word."

Olivia couldn't help but marvel at his authority, it came so natural. She'd seen him use it on so many criminals, usually with more of an edge than right now. But it worked on his kids just as it worked on the perps. He motioned for her to turn away from him, so she sat on the sofa sideways, her knees tucked up to her chest with her arms wrapped around her legs. She was looking right at Maureen, who shared their sofa while the other three were on the second one.

The movie started and everyone's eyes were glued to the screen, except for Olivia's, which were closed, and Elliot's, which were focused on her. Then she felt his fingers in her hair, digging through it as he started to massage her scalp. It felt wonderful, nobody had ever done that for her before and she let her head fall forward with a quiet moan, resting her forehead on her knees. The small sound that had escaped her drew Maureen's attention; the others were too far away and too engrossed in the movie to hear. She and her father exchanged a small but knowing smile that could almost be called conspiratory.

Maureen often got bad headaches too, especially since their parent's divorce and the appearance of Sean, Kathy's new boyfriend who stirred up quite a bit of trouble. And she too had been at the receiving end of her father's magic fingers. Watching him doing the same thing for Olivia now, Maureen wondered how she could have ever missed the deep connection between him and his best friend. She was glad he had found someone who would share his life again and she was even more thrilled that it was Olivia.

Elliot slowly worked his fingers across Olivia's scalp, paying special attention to her temples and the top of her head before he started moving further down to her neck. He was surprised to find the muscles there tense and hard. Yes, she'd been rolling her head a lot lately, but somehow he hadn't caught on to the fact that she'd been trying to get rid of the kinks in her neck; he'd always attributed it to her being just tired. Then his fingers traveled further, to her shoulders, which were just as tense and knotted as was the rest of her back, especially the right side.

"Why didn't you tell me your back was still bothering you?" he whispered into her ear, when he finally made the connection to the injury she had sustained nearly a month ago when she'd tackled that low life drug dealing kid.

"And what would you have done about that?" she asked in a low voice and drew in a sharp breath when he hit an extremely tender spot at the small of her back, the site of the original injury.

He eased the pressure immediately, proceeding a lot more carefully now.

"Oh I don't know, maybe what I'm doing right now?" he replied sarcastically. Her need to inflict unnecessary pain on herself by simply not asking for help infuriated him.

"I can hardly ask you to be my personal masseur, El. Melinda said it would heal eventually, given time. So I was giving it time."

"You were giving yourself a headache, that's what you did." He was still fuming. "Your whole back and neck are so stiff, no wonder you've been having tension headaches. You would have never been able to just sleep that off, Liv."

"Good thing you came to my rescue then, Dr. Stabler," she shot back, her voice still very quiet, mindful of the kids who sat right next to them, but his concern was smothering her sometimes. "Seriously, El, I'm a big girl, I've been taking care of myself all my life."

"I know," he whispered. "I just don't think you have to, not all the time."

She sighed, not wanting to get into it with him here and now, with an audience.

Elliot went back to working the knots from her muscles silently. He was so focused that he didn't notice the resentful glances Katie was shooting their way.

By the time he was finished the TV screen was filled with what looked like four-winged flying dinosaurs and Olivia seemed to have dozed off. He got up carefully and shook her shoulder gently. "Come on, Liv."

She opened her eyes and saw he was trying to make her get up. "I'm okay El; I can find my own bed." She smiled, motioning for him to sit back down as she rose. "Thanks," she whispered, before she made her way over to the small hallway that led to both downstairs bedrooms. "Night guys," she said loud enough for everyone to hear, stifling a yawn as she received good night wishes from three out of four kids.

*-*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*-*

The next morning after breakfast, everyone assembled outside on the dock, put on skates, and the kids were off having fun on the lake pretty quickly. Elliot watched as Olivia made a few careful steps, trying not to lose her equilibrium. She managed quite well considering she hadn't done that in a long time.

"Looking good," he complimented her and she smiled a little shyly.

It didn't take long for her to get the hang of it again; apparently skating was not a skill you could unlearn and being in the decent physical shape she was in helped too. By noon everyone climbed back up on the dock, happy but worn out quite a bit. Olivia had played ice hockey with the twins for nearly two hours and had only fallen on her ass once when Katie had bumped into her quite hard as she came out of a stunted pirouette. Elliot had seen the incident and wasn't entirely sure it had been an accident, but Olivia had laughed it off and ignored Katie's veiled hostility entirely; so he decided to let it go for now. But he also decided to keep a closer eye on that situation, if Katie started to become more outspoken about her resentment he would need to talk to her.

The next days were spent skating, building a whole family of snow people, hiking through the wintry forest, and even riding a small sleigh down the steep driveway that led off the road to their cabin. Olivia couldn't remember ever having so much fun; by Tuesday she was sorely tempted to hand in her resignation at work and spend the rest of her life like this. It felt so good to leave the city and everything behind and just _live_ for a change. Elliot's kids were wonderful, with the small exception of Katie, who chose to mostly ignore her. But the other three went out of their way to include her in every activity. Lizzie hardly ever left her side. And she and Elliot managed to steal a few private moments of kissing and cuddling, especially in the evenings, when the kids had moved upstairs.

It was late Wednesday night, nearly midnight, when Olivia was woken up by a small hand on her shoulder shaking her from her sleep. She lifted her head up off the pillow and blinked into the darkness, trying to shake off the last remnants of sleep. Then she recognized the girl standing in front of her. "Lizzie, what's wrong?" she asked, immediately worried, and rolled on her side to get up.

"Maureen is sick. I got up because I had to pee and went to the bathroom, she's puking," Elisabeth replied, making a face.

"Okay, let's go check on her then." Olivia rose from her bed and followed the girl upstairs and into the kids' shared bathroom. Lizzie stopped at the door and looked up at Olivia uncertainly. "It's okay, I can get it from here," she reassured the girl, who seemed very relieved not to have to go in again. Olivia turned the doorknob and slipped into the small bathroom. Maureen was kneeling in front of the toilet, looking very pale and panting. Olivia wetted a washcloth and pressed it to her forehead after flushing the toilet.

"Hey," she whispered, gently rubbing a hand up and down her back. "What's wrong with you?"

"I don't know," Maureen replied after a short while. Her voice was cracking and she seemed to only be able to concentrate on breathing. "I woke up and felt awful."

Olivia felt the heat radiating off the girl's body, she was burning up. "You've got a fever," she stated matter of factly when Maureen doubled over and started heaving again. She was clutching her belly, clearly in pain and the continuous vomiting left her breathless. "It's okay, just breathe," Olivia coached and when it finally stopped, Maureen weakly leaned sideways against her chest. Olivia hugged her close and tried to get her to calm down. A few minutes later the girl had relaxed a little.

"Think you're done here?" she asked her gently and felt her nod into her chest. "Okay, let's get you back into bed." She helped Maureen up from the bathroom floor and handed her a glass of water so she could flush out her mouth before she led her outside into the hallway. Lizzie was still there, her back against the wall and she looked scared.

"Sweetie, can you go wake your father?" Olivia asked her, Elliot needed to know about this and decide whether he wanted to get her to a doctor or not. She didn't think it was necessary right now, but didn't want to make that choice for him. Lizzie went back downstairs while Olivia helped Maureen to the room she shared with Kathleen, who was still fast asleep as the pair entered. She led Maureen to her bed and tucked her in tightly. "Try and close your eyes," she said, her voice low and caring. She was about to leave again to let the girl get some rest, but Maureen's hand snaked into hers and she sat back down on her bed.

"Can you stay a little longer?" Maureen asked quietly, her eyes begging her not to say no.

"Of course," she smiled and stroked through the girl's hair. She heard Elliot enter behind her a few moments later. Their eyes connected briefly before he looked down at his daughter, who had started to regain some color.

"Hey sweetie," he said while he reached out to feel her forehead. It was hotter than it should be, but not alarmingly so.

"I think I got the flu," Maureen mumbled, her voice drifting off as she slowly fell asleep.

"Looks like it," Elliot confirmed, but she didn't hear him anymore, having dozed off already.

"Daddy?" He turned around at the sound of his second daughter's voice. Kathleen had finally realized that something unusual was going on.

"It's okay," he soothed her, taking a step towards her bed. "You sister is a little sick, but she's sleeping now."

"What's _she_ doing here?" Kathleen asked, eyeing Olivia in an unfriendly way.

Olivia slowly got up off the bed and left the room without a word or a sideways look.

Elliot looked after her, debating whether he should follow or have a word with Katie. He opted for the latter. "That wasn't very nice," he chided the girl as he sat down on her bed. "Or very fair."

"She's not our mother," Katie exclaimed harshly, raising her voice. Elliot shushed her immediately. "Not so loud, your sister's asleep."

"Sorry."

Elliot watched her screw her face into a pout. "Why don't you like Olivia?" His eyes searched his daughter's face very carefully. The hostility was written all over it.

Kathleen didn't answer the question but asked one herself instead. "Why did you have to bring her, Dad?"

"I asked all of you if it would be okay. You didn't object any more than your siblings did," he said as he frowned.

"Well, that was kind of hard with Maureen and Lizzie gushing excitedly and Dickie was not much help either." Her voice was laced with so much resentment that it shocked Elliot quite a bit.

"Still, you should have told me," he chided her as he reached out to brush a strand of hair from her forehead, but Katie turned away, avoiding his touch. "Your opinion counts just as much as everyone else's."

"Yeah right," she replied, full of disbelief and staring at the wall instead of her father's face.

"It's true, Katie, why would you think otherwise? And to answer your question, I wanted to bring Olivia because she's been having a hard time at work and I thought it would be good for her to come out here with us and relax a little. But if you'd told me how you felt about that, I wouldn't have invited her."

"But you already had by the time you asked us, right?" Katie challenged.

"True," he admitted. "And that wasn't right, I'm sorry. It was a very spontaneous thing really." He'd been so sure his kids would love to have Olivia around that he'd not even considered that it would be a problem. And to be honest, he had wanted to bring her for his own sake as much as for hers. But Katie seemed consoled a little by his words, even if he didn't know if they were entirely true or if he would have really been able to uninvite her. "Now will you tell me why you don't like her?" he asked gently.

"I just don't!" Katie's voice got louder once more.

Elliot sighed defeatedly. This wasn't going to be cleared up here and now and he really wanted to let Maureen have some peace and quiet.

"Okay, we don't have to discuss that now. Go back to sleep, I'll be back later to check on your sister." He kissed Kathleen's cheek and turned off the lights in the room before he left. He found Olivia downstairs on the sofa.


	18. Chapter 17

_In case you're wondering, there are two more chapters after this one before this story will (sadly) come to an end. However a new one following up on this on is already in the works..._

_Thank you once more for reviewing!_

_And I know, I'm turning into this mean cliffhanger person *lol* It's so much fun when you're not the one on the receiving end :-)  
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><p><em>Elliot sighed defeatedly. This wasn't going to be cleared up here and now and he really wanted to let Maureen have some peace and quiet.<em>

"_Okay, we don't have to discuss that now. Go back to sleep, I'll be back later to check on your sister." He kissed Kathleen's cheek and turned off the lights in the room before he left. He found Olivia downstairs on the sofa. _

"Maureen okay?" she asked when she heard him approach.

"Yeah, she's asleep." Elliot looked at her closely. She seemed fine, but he knew her well enough to recognize that she was keeping her feelings in check. He lowered himself on the sofa next to her and reached for her hand, wrapping his own around it. "I'm sorry for what Katie said," he apologized.

"It's okay, El," she said quietly.

"No, it's not. She had no right to say that."

"Your daughter is still struggling hard to accept the divorce, I get that. I'm the enemy, intruding into her family vacation and she probably sensed that we were a lot closer than the last time she'd seen us together."

Her words did not surprise him, especially not after what Maureen had told him when she'd caught them kissing last weekend. If Katie was throwing a tantrum every time she saw her mother with Sean, it was only logical that she would object to her father getting into a new relationship as well. He'd just hoped that because it was Olivia, all his kids would be okay with it. They had known her for a long time and she got along great with them. Apparently that was only true for three out of four.

"Still, it doesn't give her the right to be so rude." He shook his head slightly and looked at her apologetically.

"I told you I'm a big girl, El." She gave him a small smile. "It just caught me off guard, that's all. The other three have been so warm and welcoming all week, I sort of blocked out that Katie was ignoring me all the time. I figured she just needed a little more space than the others."

"She probably does," Elliot confirmed. "But I'm afraid there's more to it. I'll talk to her again, just not right now."

"You don't have to," Olivia replied quickly. "I don't want you to fight with your kids. Not on my account."

"I don't plan to. I just think she needs to know where we stand," he motioned between himself and her, explaining the 'we' part. "All of them do sooner or later, because I very much plan on exploring this further."

Olivia's breath caught in her throat despite herself. She could still not quite believe they were really pursuing a more serious relationship and was secretly preparing herself for it to end as soon as they stepped out of this whole deserted cabin vacation bubble. But Elliot still seemed very serious.

"What, are you surprised? Having doubts?" He sounded so insecure as he asked that it almost made her laugh. They were really quite the pair; both were scared the other one would back out any minute and both were desperately hoping it would never come to that.

"Lots and lots of doubts actually," she replied. "But not about how I feel about you." She hesitated briefly before she added, "I love you." Her last words were just a small whisper, but he heard them loud and clear and they warmed his heart immensely. It was the first time either of them admitted out loud what they both knew had been true for a long time.

"I love you too," he said, looking straight into her beautiful brown eyes. He started closing the gap between their lips, intending to kiss her to give even more meaning to those words when a voice called from upstairs. Kathleen.

"Dad!" He turned around startled and started rising from the sofa to make his way back to his kids. "Dad, she's barfing again!"

She followed him upstairs, taking two steps at a time. Maureen was back in the bathroom, her body shaking with dry heaves. Elliot stepped inside and touched her shoulder lightly, he looked quite helpless. Olivia was standing outside, worried, but feeling it was not her place. Kathleen had retreated back into her bedroom and closed the door once she'd seen both of them come up the stairs. Olivia tried not to take it personal, she may as well have just decided that her sister was taken care off.

"Where's Olivia?" Maureen wailed miserably and Elliot looked back at her, asking her silently to come inside and lend a hand. She didn't need to be asked twice and knelt down next to the pale and shaking girl, helping her through the spasms as best as she could.

"Get her a blanket, El, she's cold," she instructed him and then turned her attention back to Maureen.

Elliot returned a short time later with a fleece blanket she wrapped tightly around her shoulders. Elliot watched her interact with his sick child, she was so good at this, instinctively knowing what was needed and what would help, something he wasn't quite capable of despite his ability to keep a cool head during a crisis.

Ten minutes later the two of them exited the bathroom and Olivia eyed the tightly closed door to Maureen's and Katie's room apprehensively. "Maybe she should stay downstairs tonight," she suggested to Elliot. "We'd be closer."

Elliot nodded his agreement and picked up his still very pale daughter to carry her down the stairs.

"Can I stay with you?" Maureen asked Olivia in a small voice from her father's arms. Olivia was surprised at that request, but she couldn't deny that it felt good, especially after Katie's earlier words.

"Of course," she answered with a small smile and followed Elliot into her bedroom. When Maureen was tucked in warmly under her covers, Elliot motioned for Olivia to step out into the hallway for a moment.

"You sure about this?" he asked. "I don't want you to feel obligated to nurse my sick kids back to health, most likely you'll catch whatever she has," he cautioned.

"I'm sure," she reassured him. "And if I get sick, _you_ get to nurse _me_ back to health," she teased him. She kissed him on the cheek before she turned around and got back inside and he couldn't help but admire her. She never ceased to amaze him. She'd always gotten along very well with his children, but this went beyond anything he'd expected.

*-*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*-*

When he peeked back into the room a few hours later, he found Olivia dozing curled up in an armchair next to the bed where his daughter was fast asleep. Olivia stirred and blinked up at him when she became aware of his presence. "Everything alright?" he asked her in a whisper.

"Yeah," Olivia replied with a small smile. "She stopped throwing up about an hour ago; I think the worst is over now."

"Some virus, huh?" Elliot slowly walked over to the bed and watched his sleeping daughter for a few moments before he turned back to Olivia. "You don't look very comfortable," he commented on her current sleeping arrangements.

"I've slept in worse places, don't worry." Then her smile got a little wider as she spoke the next words. "Besides, I know someone who'll give me a backrub tomorrow."

Elliot chuckled and turned to leave, but not without placing a kiss on the top of her head first. "Thanks," he whispered into her hair and then returned to his own room.

*-*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*-*

Olivia volunteered to stay inside with Maureen the next two days while Elliot and the other three went ice angling and continued to explore the forest. The girl's stomach had calmed down, but she was still a bit feverish and feeling weak. Maureen spent the better part of Thursday on the couch, alternating between sleeping and watching TV. Olivia brought her a new cup of tea in the afternoon, trying to keep her hydrated. She handed her the cup as the girl sat up a little straighter and she sat down next to her.

"What's on?" she asked conversationally, motioning towards the TV.

Maureen looked at her incredulously; clearly surprised she wouldn't recognize the movie. "Lord of the Rings, don't tell me you haven't seen that one?"

Olivia shrugged, she'd heard of it, but never seen it. "When would I have time to go see a movie?" she asked, only a little regretful.

Maureen took a sip of tea and looked over at her for a long moment. "You work too much," she stated finally. "Just like Dad, he never gets out either. Guess that's why you two make a perfect match."

Olivia was startled by the direction the conversation had quickly taken. Maureen was still looking at her, her expression warm and open. "Are you really okay with that?" she asked tentatively. A lump formed in her throat as she waited for the answer she wasn't sure she wanted to hear.

"I'm glad actually," Maureen replied with a smile. "Dad needs someone in his life again and he needs it to be you. Why would I not be okay with that?"

Olivia let out a breath of relief and returned the smile, so overwhelmed that it actually turned a little watery, proof of how much those few words had moved her.

She didn't trust her voice with an answer so it was Maureen who continued talking.

"I like you, you're cool. I think you're good for Dad, you get him and you get us, even Katie. She's going to come around eventually, you know." Olivia sniffled and rubbed her nose to hide it. "Katie wants Mom and Dad to get back together," Maureen said and added, "But I don't know why she'd want that, it's never going to happen. They don't love each other anymore. They'd just be miserable."

"But maybe Katie doesn't see that," Olivia suggested gently, having regained her voice. "Your sister remembers how happy your parents used to be, and she wants to believe they can be those people again. She wants her father back home, I can understand that."

"Well, it's not like Mom hasn't found someone new to fill his place," Maureen said disdainfully, clearly showing her disapproval of her mother's boyfriend. Olivia picked up on it right away and studied Maureen's face with a worried look.

"Is there something wrong at home?" she asked. "With Sean?"

Maureen shook her head and looked away, embarrassed that she had slipped up and mentioned anything. "No, it's fine."

But Olivia wasn't fooled. "Hey," she said and reached out for the girl's chin to turn her head back towards her. "What is it?"

"Mom says she's happy, so it's gonna be okay." She avoided answering the question, something Olivia had seen often enough to know it meant everything was really not fine.

"Are _you_ happy?" she prompted.

"Sean basically ignores us, which is fine by me. I don't like him."

Olivia sighed. Another non-answer. But she also sensed that she wouldn't get any more out of the girl for now. She made a mental note to talk to Elliot about it and let it go.

"Liv, can I ask you something?" Maureen said a little while later.

"Sure," she said as she was drawn out of her thoughts about what could possibly be wrong at the Stabler house.

"You had a boyfriend in high school, right?" Maureen looked at her curiously.


	19. Chapter 18

One more chapter after this one :-) Thank you for reviewing!

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><p>"<em>Liv, can I ask you something?" Maureen said a little while later. <em>

"_Sure," she said as she was drawn out of her thoughts about what could possibly be wrong at the Stabler house._

"_You had a boyfriend in high school, right?" Maureen looked at her curiously._

"Um, yeah," she replied, startled at the question she had not been expecting. "More than one," she added sheepishly.

"When did you tell your parents about him? Or them?" The girl's eyes were boring into hers.

Olivia chuckled nervously. "Never actually," she had to admit. "My Mom found me on the couch with a guy I had a serious crush on once when I was twelve," she told Maureen and lifted a hand when she saw the girl's eyes widen. "Hey, just kissing, I swear." She received a 'Yeah, right' look from the teenager for that but didn't comment. "My mother freaked, she tried to ground me till graduation. We fought a lot when I was a kid. I was very careful after that. The next time she found out about one, I was already sixteen." She left out the fact that she was also engaged to that guy.

"Wow," Maureen quipped. "Guess you started early."

Olivia decided not to take that in a bad way. "I did. Too early in hindsight, but of course that didn't matter at the time. I was just never very happy at home. Why are you asking?" She tried to steer the conversation into safer waters again.

"I've been going steady with this guy," the girl admitted and Olivia smiled inwardly at the term she hadn't heard for a long time. 'Going steady'…yes, this was high school. "Mom doesn't know, I don't think she'd care. She's so caught up in her own life right now and I don't really want to talk to her about it."

"But you're wondering whether you should tell your Dad?" Olivia concluded.

"How do I know when the right time is?"

Olivia wasn't sure she could give any good advice on that topic. Her own youth had been so screwed up and she'd made one mistake after another before she'd gotten her act straight at the academy. But here was this teenage girl, a young woman almost, looking to her for advice.

"How long has he been your boyfriend?" she asked.

"Five months next Tuesday." Maureen beamed at her.

Olivia laughed lightly. "The fact that you know that so precisely tells me I don't need to bother asking how much he means to you." Maureen bit her lip embarrassedly and she let herself fall sideways, resting her head on Olivia's shoulder with a sigh.

"Am I that transparent?" she asked in a small voice. "I probably don't need to worry about telling Dad then, he might already know."

Olivia wrapped her arm around the girl's shoulders and pulled her a little closer. "He doesn't know. I'm fairly sure about that, but I think he'd like to if you're that serious with the boy. What's his name?"

"Edward."

Olivia raised an eyebrow, which was lost on Maureen who couldn't see her face from her current position tucked under her arm. "He won't suck your blood, will he?" she asked, only half-jokingly.

Maureen pulled away and righted herself with a frown. "I thought you didn't get around to watching movies much?"

"I don't," Olivia answered. "We had a case last year that involved some vampire cult; I had to read up on Twilight facts for nearly a week to be able to follow the witness statements." She rolled her eyes at the memory.

Maureen broke out in giggles. "Hard job, huh?" she quipped teasingly and Olivia joined into her laughter for a moment before sobering up when her thoughts traveled back to New York and the work waiting for her back there. Maureen picked up on it right away. She'd grown up with a father working a job that clearly affected him deeply, but which he never shared facts about at home. Nevertheless she understood at least to some amount what it was that he and his partner faced every day. "It's really hard, isn't it? I mean seriously."

Olivia felt herself being scrutinized by the girl's intense gaze. She would not get into the details with her any more than Elliot did, but she wouldn't lie to her either. "It is. But like with every other job or really every other thing in life there are good days and bad days. If there were no bad days, we wouldn't appreciate the good ones enough. Still, there are many bad days I could do without."

"Dad said last month was hard for you," Maureen said, staring into empty space. "He said that was why he invited you to come, because you needed a break from it all."

Olivia was surprised to hear Elliot had shared that with his kids, but even more to find that she didn't feel uncomfortable to have something quite so personal revealed. Usually Elliot was the only one she let into her closely guarded heart when it came to these things and even he would have to knock down her protective walls more often than not to pry her out of her shell. But she had already started being honest about her job with Maureen; she saw no reason to stop now.

"It was hard for both of us really, but for me there were just a lot of things that came together," she admitted, rubbing a hand across her forehead as the scene of Amanda's death returned vividly to her mind. She hadn't allowed herself to think too much about it yet. She took a deep breath, banning those dark images from her head. "I'm really enjoying myself out here though," she continued with a smile. "I don't think I've ever had that much fun. But that doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to getting back to the city and to work."

Maureen mulled those words over for a while. Then she turned her head, a conspiratory expression on her face. "Can I tell you something? Something Dad is not supposed to know yet?"

"More secrets?" Olivia raised a questioning eyebrow.

"For now, yes."

"Okay, tell me."

"After college, I want to go to the Academy." Maureen revealed, looking both proud and apprehensive, not sure what kind of reaction that would elicit.

"You want to be a police officer?" Olivia had to admit that surprised her a little. But thinking about it, Maureen sort of was the type of girl attracted to their job and she wouldn't walk into it blindly, like she herself had done when she had first started out. Maureen had watched her father do that job all her life. She knew the bad sides too.

"Yes." Her voice sounded insecure.

"That sounds great," she smiled, reassuring her quickly. "I see why you wouldn't want your father to know right now, though. He'd freak."

"You think?" Maureen's face fell and Olivia realized how that must have sounded to her ears.

"Oh no, not because he wouldn't approve," she corrected. "He'd just be so worried about you. I think he needs you to be a little older before he can start picturing you with a gun on your belt."

"Do you think I'll be any good at it?" Maureen asked timidly.

"I think you'll be a great cop. Just don't tell your father I said that once you talk to him about it." It was her turn to look conspiratory now.

"Deal." Maureen held out her hand and Olivia shook it, sealing their mutual agreement of silence.

*-*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*-*

They drove back to New York Saturday evening; Elliot had agreed to deliver the kids a day early so they could get caught up on homework on Sunday. Maureen was nearly back on her feet, not yet eating quite right, but feeling okay for the most part. He dropped off the kids and the mini-van at his old house in Queens, where he'd also left his own car and then drove back to Manhattan with Olivia. Kathy hadn't even noticed that she had been there too, or she had chosen not to comment. Either way, it didn't matter to him, she'd know soon enough that Olivia had come along on the trip. The kids would tell her, they had not been sworn to secrecy, and there was no need to hide.

Olivia was silent the whole drive and traffic was so thick that he didn't have much time to pay any attention to her, but as he pulled over in front of her building he noticed she was looking pale. He reached over and touched his hand to her forehead, finding it unusually warm. He groaned when he put two and two together. "I told you you'd probably catch that bug from Maureen."

"I'm fine," she replied, trying to head him off before he could go into full protective mode.

"You say that now, but give it a few hours and you'll be hugging your toilet."

"You don't know that," she said defensively. "It may not get that bad." In truth she'd been feeling nauseous all afternoon and right now she wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and be left alone.

"Come on," Elliot sighed. "I'll walk you up."

She gave him a look. "I'm…"

"I know," he interrupted. "You're fine. Just humor me, okay? If you're feeling okay once we're upstairs I'll leave." He wasn't sure he could keep that promise, not when she looked so pale. But he'd cross that bridge when he got there. Olivia didn't object a second time and simply opened the door to get out of the car instead; so he just grabbed her bag from the trunk and followed her inside.


	20. Chapter 19

So I guess this is it, the final chapter :-) Thank you so much for reading, it's been great!

I already finished writing a sequel to this one, my betareader gets to play with it now and then I'm hoping you'll be up for another episode of SVU :-))

xo, Saramari

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><p>"<em>Come on," Elliot sighed. "I'll walk you up."<em>

_She gave him a look. "I'm…"_

"_I know," he interrupted. "You're fine. Just humor me, okay? If you're feeling okay once we're upstairs I'll leave." He wasn't sure he could keep that promise, not when she looked so pale. But he'd cross that bridge when he got there. Olivia didn't object a second time and simply opened the door to get out of the car instead; so he just grabbed her bag from the trunk and followed her inside_.

The elevator was out of service - again. Normally that wouldn't have bothered Olivia, four flights of stairs were laughable; she could walk up without breaking a sweat on any regular day. But tonight was different, her stomach was cramping violently and it took a lot of willpower to remain upright alone. She was glad now that Elliot had insisted on coming along, not that she would tell him that. But it was a good thing he carried her bag, otherwise she may have been sorely tempted to just leave it in the hallway.

They arrived at her apartment door and she turned around, reaching for her luggage. "I can take it from here," she said, missing the rejected look on Elliot's face entirely as she fished for her keys, concentrating hard on keeping it together just a little longer.

"Are you sure?" he asked gently. The fact that she was out of breath from climbing the stairs and fumbled with the key as she tried to fit it into the lock made him certain that she was far away from okay.

"I'm sure," she replied, trying to sound reassuring but failing utterly. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He raised an eyebrow. They hadn't talked about getting together yet. "It's a Sunday," he stated the obvious. It was the first thing that came to mind and he wished he could take it back the moment it had left his mouth, because he realized how it must sound like he wouldn't want to see her outside of work so soon again.

But Olivia was too caught up in herself to even make the connection. "I know that." She felt worse by the second and knew she couldn't hold on to this charade much longer. She needed to get inside to the safety of her apartment and make him believe he could leave her alone there, and soon. Despite the joke she had made at the cabin about him nursing her back to health, the last thing she wanted was an audience when she was spilling the meager contents of her stomach. And least of all him. Talk about killing the romance.

Elliot watched her very carefully. She couldn't quite convince him that it was okay to leave her. She was definitely sick, but she said she wanted him to leave and meet up again tomorrow. She'd been independent and lived by herself almost all her life so he decided to just trust her on this. "Okay," he sighed. "Just promise to call if you need anything, and I mean it!" He looked at her sternly, trying to get that message through her thick skull, knowing that she would normally never do that.

"I promise," she said and smiled at him a little weakly. "Good night."

"Good night," he replied and kissed her on the forehead before turning around. He had to force himself to walk down the stairs and back out of the building; everything inside him screamed that this was wrong. He at least made sure her lights were on once he stood outside; at least she'd made it past the door and hopefully she had not passed out in her hallway. He banished that picture from his mind. Olivia knew better, she knew how to take care of herself; he was determined to trust her.

But he wasn't far off. As soon as he had left, Olivia had fled into her apartment and dropped the bag, making a mad dash for the bathroom before even getting out of her coat and shoes. It was much later when she exited again and slowly got undressed to crawl into bed.

When Elliot returned to her place mid-morning on Sunday, he had to use his own key to let himself in, because she wasn't answering the door at his knocking. He had purposely avoided the buzzer, in case she was still asleep and congratulated himself on that decision when he found her in bed with the covers tugged up to her chin. He silently closed her bedroom door again to let her get some more rest and moved to the kitchen instead, where he made her some tea, which he filled into the thermos cup he'd seen her use for morning coffee on occasion. He returned to the bedroom once more, moving carefully so he wouldn't disturb her, and left the cup on her bedside table along with a note to call him. Then he returned to his own place.

*-*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*-*

"Hey," he smiled into the receiver when his phone rang sometime in the late afternoon and her name appeared on the caller ID. "Feel better?"

"Some," she admitted. "Thanks for the tea."

"I'm sorry that was the only thing I could do." He paused, just enjoying her presence even though she wasn't even really there as he suddenly felt an intense ache in his heart that could only mean he missed her.

"Wanna come over?" she asked, almost as if she'd read his mind through the phone. He was used to her doing that when they were face to face, but this was new.

"You sure you're up to it?" The last thing he wanted was to make her feel obligated to entertain him when she was still not well.

"Some company sounds good right now. I can always throw you out when I start puking again," she replied smiling but only half kidding.

Elliot was relieved to hear her joking, that meant she was really feeling better. "Be there in ten," he said before he hung up and grabbed his stuff to walk over to her place.

They spent the rest of the afternoon comfortably resting on the couch with a movie. Olivia was curled up on her side with her head in Elliot's lap. She drifted in and out of sleep since her body was still recovering from the stomach flu and Elliot tenderly played with her hair. He proposed dinner at the end of the movie, but she didn't feel like eating just yet. She was also way too comfortable to move. It took another hour before she'd fallen asleep for good and Elliot gently picked her up and carried her to her bed, tucking her in before he left.

*-*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*-*

"Are you sure you don't want to take the day off?" he asked for the third time while he watched her move through her kitchen in search for some food her stomach would tolerate. He'd come over before work to check on her and had been quite surprised to find her dressed and almost ready to go.

"I'm good, El. Just because I don't feel like a greasy slice of pizza for breakfast doesn't mean I can't go in and work." She rolled her eyes at him. His overprotectiveness was sweet and it definitely made her feel loved, but often it was just too much. She gave up on her quest to locate something edible in her cupboards. That task was a lost one on any given day, but after a week of vacation and with a picky appetite it was completely impossible. "Maybe we can stop for a bagel or something."

"Okay," he gave in and grabbed the car keys off the counter as he watched her down the last remains of her orange juice.

As they walked into the squad room side by side, Olivia still chewing on her bagel and Elliot carrying a cup of coffee, they were immediately sucked back into the busy atmosphere that usually dominated their unit. Fin looked up from his desk, he had been rifling through an absurdly thick file Olivia knew very well because they all had been over it so many times. It was the file about the pedophile that had been lost in Alaska.

"Any news about that?" she asked as she passed Elliot's desk on the way to her own and stuffed the last piece of bagel into her mouth.

"Nothing good," Fin sighed frustratedly. "Alaska is finally finished with entering all paperwork into their computer system; it came back online last week. They definitely lost him." He looked about as pissed as she felt at the news and she could also spot the furrow on Elliot's forehead, that meant he was furious.

"How can they just lose a pedophile?," her partner raged. "A petty thief I get, but not a scumbag like him!"

"Don't get me started, man," Fin exclaimed. "They arrested him on a Sunday in some remote town with like 400 inhabitants and one cop. It was really all just by coincidence that he got recognized. He was supposed to be transferred to the prison in Anchorage to wait for us, but somehow he seems to have never made it. They guy they booked under his name doesn't even slightly fit his description; the desk clerk must have been blind."

Olivia shrugged out of her jacket and hung it over the back of her chair before she sat down to boot her computer. "That almost sounds like he had help on the inside," she creased her forehead at the despicable thought.

"That's what I thought too," Munch threw in. "But Alaska State Police assured us over and over that the two officers responsible for the transport are squeaky clean and as honorable as they come. They said the two officers swear the guy they delivered is also the guy they picked up from that small town. What was the name again?" he directed the question at Fin.

"I don't remember, it was something weird. Does it matter?" Fin threw down the file on his desk with a resentful look.

"It does, it's where I plan to retire. It sounds like such a nice place to live," Munch's voice was dripping with even more sarcasm than usual.

Olivia directed her attention away from the two detective's banter to her computer screen. Her email inbox had automatically popped up and aside from the usual crap that piled up during a week of absence one message in particular caught her eye. A request for her statement concerning Amanda's death. She'd been in denial about that devastating event for the better part of last week. _The first of the five stages of grief_ a detached part of her mind suggested. You learned about those in grief counseling seminars, something she had participated in quite a lot over the years to better her ability to connect with the victims. And now she was self-analyzing, shrinking her own head, this was just perfect. She suppressed a groan and started typing up what she could remember about that day. No time like now to get it over with.

Elliot found the same request in his inbox. He wondered how many strings Cragen had pulled to avoid having them bothered with this during the last week; usually these cases had to be wrapped up as soon as possible. The well deserved vacation of two meager Detectives would not normally stop the investigating officers from asking questions. But he was not about to complain and wrote down what he remembered. He hacked away on his keyboard as waves of anger at the injustice of the girl's death surged through him. When he was finished and looked up, his eyes connected with Olivia's, who may have been watching him for a while already. Without a word they mutually understood that they had been doing the same thing, typing their statements and therefore reliving the whole event. The emotions that emitted from them played on their faces quite vividly for a few seconds. Nobody else caught their silent exchange, but when it ended they had both drawn strength from the knowledge that they were not alone in this.

A few minutes later Cragen stepped from his office holding a pink slip of paper in his hand and looking at them with his piercing eyes. He sighed, already sensing again that this would not be an easy case to work, but their cases hardly ever were. Another innocent life had been taken leaving this victim's loved ones behind with crushed hearts and the wish to get justice for their loss so they could find peace again. The world just never stopped turning and their work never ended.


End file.
